In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the 6 lessons learned from a woman who killed herself after her sex video was leaked and went viral.
First a quick update:
“Women With Bad Father Relationships Become Easy Prey For Cults And Charismatic Men”
A 64 year-old guru and cult leader, was found guilty of sex crimes against women; he had 21 wives and fathered 49 children. “Other neighbors said he merely preyed on the insecurities of vulnerable young women who came from unstable backgrounds.”
“Don’t Date Multiple People”
It’s becoming more and more common – dating multiple people at the same time. Watch the video: Don’t do it because it leads to confusion and clearly infers you don’t know what you really want!
Now, let’s talk about the 6 lessons learned from a woman who killed herself after her sex video was leaked and went viral.
Tiziana Cantone, 31, was an Instagram model in Italy.
At age 30, Tiziana chose to record a series of sex videos and share them with a group of friends with the intention of mocking and humiliating her ex-boyfriend.
Tiziana recorded the videos of her engaged in sex acts with a man other than her ex-boyfriend.
When the videos went viral, Tiziana was nationally mocked, ridiculed, condemned and cyberbullied.
She was recognized everywhere she went in Italy. Her words in a video, “Are you filming? Bravo!” became a meme in Italy; companies used it for advertising slogans, comedians made jokes about it, and it was printed on T-shirts and smartphone cases.
Tiziana tried to erase her past: she went to court to try and have the videos removed from the internet and although she had some legal victories, she couldn’t fully erase their existence from the web (they are still online) and she couldn’t erase them from people’s memories or stop people from mocking her.
Tiziana Cantone’s intention to humiliate her ex-boyfriend resulted in her being humiliated and shamed to the extent that she took her own life on September 13, 2016.
There were various outcries: some women said that maybe her ex-boyfriend had cheated on her and therefore he deserved to be humiliated with a sex video of Tiziana with another man; others said it was an example of the negative puritanical view by Italian society that ridicules her sexual expression, and; others cried out for justice – for an end to shaming and for the “right to be forgotten online.”
The European Union’s top court made a groundbreaking decision in 2014 granting people the “right to be forgotten” online, with internet search engines forced to remove information deemed “inaccurate, inadequate, irrelevant or excessive” for the purposes of data processing.
However, this fails to address the real issues and lessons that need to be learned from this horrific story.
1. Hypocrisy still exists – A
There are double standards in society. Generally speaking men and women condemn a woman who has multiple sexual partners while praising a man who does the same thing.
When a man sleeps with many women, he is rewarded & respected for having ‘conquered’ many women. (Charlie Sheen on and off camera became famous for this very thing – the highly successful character he played in “Two and a half Men” was a womanizer and conqueror of women); when a woman sleeps with many men, she is condemned for having been ‘conquered’ by many men and she is then perceived to be dirty and tainted.
If Tiziana Cantone were male, she would never have been ridiculed, mocked, abused or cyber-bullied.
1. Hypocrisy still exists – B
While compassion must be extended to Cantone’s family for the loss of a daughter and the loss of human life, one must also ask the question, how would we have responded if the person that committed suicide as a result of the recording and leaking of the videos was actually the ex-boyfriend and not Tiziana who recorded and shared the videos with the intention of humiliating her ex-boyfriend?
2. Shame is conditional
While Italy might be a very conservative nation, the US which also prides itself on being a conservative Christian nation, actually makes idols of women who leak sex videos – Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian built their empires of fame and wealth on the leaking of their respective sex videos. The paradox is that other than the leaking of sex videos, both men and women in the US (and around the world) condemn a woman who has had multiple sexual partners.
3. Everything Digital Can Go Viral
Once something has been created digitally (text, photo, voice message, video, document) it can be leaked and it can go viral. Even if you never share the content, the fact that you have it on your computer or on a digital Cloud, means you can still be hacked. Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton, Victoria Justice, Krysten Ritter, McKayla Maroney, Mary E. Winstead, Becca Tobin and Kirsten Dunst are examples of celebrities who had their photos and videos hacked and leaked online.
4. Use Self-Control
We are emotional creatures. Therefore, before sending out a message, text, email, video or letter, I always ask myself, “If this goes public will I stand behind it? What are the consequences of what I am about to say or do? Whom will it affect?”
5. Engage Emotional Intelligence (wait before acting)
Everyone has been hurt of wronged by someone. Feeling angry about the hurt or betrayal is expected; how you choose to respond to the anger will determine the final result i.e. beware of seeking revenge; beware of allowing emotions to control you and potentially destroy you or someone else.
Before reacting with intense emotion, wait and think!
“What are the long term consequences of my actions?
Will I regret what I have done?
Will I regret what I am about to do?”
An ex-girlfriend once cheated on me and I asked myself, “If I do anything to hurt my ex-girlfriend, how will I feel about this in 5 years’ time? Will I regret what I did in 5 years’ time?” (I am grateful today that I didn’t do anything hurtful all those years ago.)
Tiziana Cantone didn’t make it to 5 years; she killed herself one and a half years after she recorded and shared those sex videos.
6. There is a price to pay; consequences for every action
It is true that sometimes you have to speak up and speak your truth even if you know the other person will not like it or that it might end your relationship. However, before you speak up and speak your truth, you pause, you wait and think about whether or not it is what you really want to do.
Thus, beware because there are consequences for every action; there is a price to pay for everything you do and your actions will have a result – not necessarily the result you intended. And if you begin with bad intentions, the result will always be bad.
If you need assistance to use self-control, learn and engage emotional intelligence, book a one-on-one session with me.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
www.patrickwanis.com
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.