In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to share an extraordinary true story that reveals that when you believe it, you will see it.

First a quick update:

****  What Americans can learn from Aussies – Read the article I wrote that Foxnews.com published on Australia Day identifying 10 lessons Americans can learn from Aussies such as no. 4: “…not as many women compete directly with men – although they are still highly successful and educated…the man is allowed to be a man – to protect and provide and yes, be rough around the edges. He is not told that he is supposed to be feminine or PC and a woman doesn’t feel stupid, inferior or threatened if she decides to ask a man for help.” http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/01/26/what-americans-can-learn-from-aussies-on-australia-day/

Now, let’s talk about a true story that reveals that when you believe it, you will see it.

Have you heard or said the phrase, “I’ll believe it when I see it”?

What if the opposite is actually the truth; “I’ll see it when I believe it”?

It was 1983 and it was the first ever race to be staged between Australia’s largest shopping centres in Sydney and Melbourne. The total distance was 875 kilometres – 544 miles. It was an Ultra Marathon. Now the experienced runners knew (believed actually) that the optimal performance in a race of this magnitude – approximately 7 days of expected running – would require 18 hours of running and 6 hours of sleep.

An old man approached the registration desk. He was 61. He had no coaches and no sponsors. In fact, he didn’t even have the proper racing attire; he was dressed in overalls and gumboots. Was it possible that this old man even believed for a moment that he could complete such a distance; a distance that is a grueling challenge for trained athletes more than half his age?

Reporters and the press began to question this man:

“Who are you and what are you doing?”

“I’m Cliff Young. I’m from a large ranch where we run sheep outside of Melbourne.”

“You’re really going to run in this race?”

“Yeah.”

“Got any backers?”

“No.”

The press now viewed and treated Cliff Young as a side show:

“Then you can’t run…you’re crazy…there is no way you can ever finish this race”

“Yeah I can.” Cliff said. “See, I grew up on a farm where we couldn’t afford horses or four wheel drives, and the whole time I was growing up– until about four years ago when we finally made some money and got a four wheeler– whenever the storms would roll in, I’d have to go out and round up the sheep. We had 2,000 head, and we have 2,000 acres. Sometimes I would have to run those sheep for two or three days. It took a long time, but I’d catch them. I believe I can run this race; it’s only two more days. Five days. I’ve run sheep for three.”

Albert Ernest Clifford Young began the race and just like Aesop’s fable, “The Tortoise and The Hare”, Cliff was left in the dust as the finest distance runners took off. And just like the Tortoise, Cliff ran with his own style – a shuffle. It would go on to be recognized as an energy-saving running technique labeled the “Young Shuffle.”

But a shuffle alone wasn’t going to win a marathon.

Continue reading “Believe it and you will see it – Cliff Young” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the one critical lesson that we can all learn from the passing of Joe Paterno – one of the greatest football coaches whose legacy has been marred by his admission of insufficient efforts to prevent alleged child abuse.

First a quick update:

**** Twitter updates – Follow me on Twitter – follow me and have access to regular insights and revelations and the link to my weekly newsletter as soon as it is published – Twitter: @Behavior_Expert

**** Self-help scams and greed: The self-help movement is no longer about liberating people but rather having consumers and followers surrender themselves and their money to the leaders of a movement who are now more interested in helping themselves to money and power than they are in helping individuals to actually liberate and empower themselves. Listen to the interview I gave to Laurel Morales of National Public Radio: http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp#selfhelpscams

Now, let’s talk about the critical lesson from Joe Paterno – one of the greatest football coaches in the US whose legacy has been marred by his admission of insufficient efforts to prevent alleged child abuse.

For people outside the US, Joe Paterno is a legendary Penn State University ex-football coach who died this past Sunday of lung cancer at 85 years of age. Paterno had a profound impact on thousands of lives: he had 409 career victories (a Football Bowl Subdivision record) and he coached the Penn State Nittany Lions for 46 years. But Paterno was also recognized as a great and honorable man – a father figure to many of his players.

But Paterno’s image was tarnished by a sex abuse scandal linked to Penn State.

In 2011, Penn State’s former assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky was charged 52 criminal counts for sexually molesting young boys over a 15-year period. (1994 – 2009) and school administrators were criticized for knowing about the allegations but doing nothing. Sandusky has pleaded not guilty and Penn State legendary football coach Joe Paterno was fired for failing to take more action; Jerry Sandusky was Joe Paterno’s most trusted assistant for the majority of three decades.

Paterno went on to admit that he felt guilty that he had not done more to prevent the alleged abuse.

In my article “Penn State – false gods, anger and morality” I reveal three key lessons for all of us including 1. We need to use courage and anger to protect victims 2. There is a difference between “Legal obligation versus moral obligation: Do what is right.” When we see a wrong, we need to do something about it.
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/penn-state-false-gods-anger-morality/

And this leads to the greatest lesson for all of us from Joe Paterno’s experiences and life.

Yes, Joe Paterno was the winningest coach in Division I college football – FBS. Yes, he was recognized as a great father and husband.

And yes, we expected more from him.

But what did we expect?

Continue reading “Lessons from Joe Paterno” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the controversial topic of what women look for in a man, particularly now that women are becoming more successful and independent.

First a quick update:

**** “America’s decline – morality & celebrities” – “This country is in a mess…it is going down the tubes. People are lost…People are giving up” says media personality, journalist and show host, May Lee. She says Americans could learn a lot from the Asian work ethic and morality. Listen to the interview I gave to May Lee about the breakdown in morality and the rewarding of bad celebrity behavior: New York Governor Elliot Spitzer was exposed in a prostitution scandal and he later went on to host a show on CNN; Ashley Alexandra Dupré – prostitute to Spitzer was rewarded with a column in the New York Post and Lindsay Lohan continues to be celebrated despite being sentenced to jail five times in four years. http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp#americasdecline

****  New Year Resolutions that work: Read my tips and quotes in the MSN article by Brienne Walsh: http://glo.msn.com/relationships/new-years-resolutions-you-can-actually-keep-7690.gallery

Now, let’s talk about the controversial topic of what women look for in a man, particularly now that women are becoming more successful and independent.

OWN is Oprah’s new cable TV outlet. In a recent discussion of programming needs, OWN executives stated that they were looking for “FEMALE driven stories where women are taking on what are received as men’s roles/worlds.” And that is exactly what is happening today as more and more women are becoming empowered and successful – they are taking on traditionally male roles.

In 2005, CBS news interviewed me to discuss the new woman, “The Millennium Woman” and her impact on men. A study of 1,000 women across the US, revealed that there are two key types of women: the Nouveau woman -the “Sex and the City” type, who creates equal partnerships with men and demands “me” time and the Neotraditionalist that prefers traditional gender roles, motherhood and “we” time. The Neotraditionalist is primarily about family and friends.

Based on the findings of the study, the new woman is confident, self-indulgent, highly concerned about her health and beauty and would be happy to be on her own without a life partner. (Read more in my article “When she just doesn’t get it”

http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/when-she-doesnt-get-it/

And watch the TV interview I gave to CBS news here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4QYWTHoxXI )

However, women have become even more powerful in the seven years since that study. In my article “Women are taking over” http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/women-are-taking-over/, I reveal that

• There are more women in the US workforce than men
• More women are attending and graduating college than men (in the US, UK and Australia)
• Churches are opening up to allow women to lead, preach and teach as ministers, pastors and reverends
• Women are becoming a greater force in politics
• Men are progressively being viewed as unnecessary as more women opt to raise children without a father
• Men are being portrayed in television shows and sitcoms as buffoons, simpletons and weak, helpless idiots who cannot survive without the wife who is smarter, more grounded and the boss. (Read my article “How stupid are men” http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/how-stupid-are-men/
• The modern woman is being idealized as the independent, free, successful, sexually open woman who seeks a purpose greater than serving a man and;
• Women account for 85% of all consumer purchases

So where does that leave men? If women are becoming so powerful and independent, what do women look for in a man today?

Read More – What women look for in a man

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss a new study that reveals how constant battering from stressful events actually shrinks the brain and can lead to addiction, depression, loss of impulse control and diabetes.

First a quick update:

**** Resolve to please yourself:  Studies indicate more than 80 percent of Americans don’t keep New Year’s resolutions. So why do we bother? Read my quotes and insights in the Tampa Bay News about “the one resolution people should set, and it will make all other goals possible.” http://www.tampabay.com/news/humaninterest/resolve-to-please-yourself/1207976

****  New Year aids – Read these various articles for help and insights into creating the New Year that you want.

• 7 steps to Breaking bad habits – http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/breaking-bad-habits/
• Insights into New Year’s resolutions – http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/be-a-warrior-forget-new-years-resolutions-2/
• Finding balance -: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/the-most-powerful-resolution-for-2009/
• Letting go of the past and transforming the New Year - http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/letting-go-of-this-past-year-and-transforming-the-new-year/

Now, let’s talk about the new study that reveals how cumulative adversity and stress actually shrink the brain and can lead to addiction, depression, loss of impulse control and diabetes.

It is accurate to say that almost every one of us is faced with tremendous stress and stressors on a daily basis. And some of those stressors such as death, disease, illness, accidents and job loss are unavoidable. But the real danger occurs when we have high stress on a daily basis – chronic stress – and then we are hit with adversity such as death, illness, divorce or a job loss. The chronic stress has already made us vulnerable to the major life events as we are not able to handle them and a part of brain loses volume – yes, shrinks. And, in turn, that part of the brain which is no longer functioning properly can cause depression, a loss of self-control (inability to control our impulses), addiction, anxiety and diabetes. And the more stress that faces you, both chronic and major, the worse the effect is.

The above is the finding of a study led by Dr. Rajita Sinha, a professor of psychiatry and neurobiology at Yale University School of Medicine and director of the Yale Stress Center.

Continue reading “Stress shrinks your brain” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the New Year, finding your voice, speaking up and establishing conditions and ultimatums before a business, personal or romantic relationship begins.

First a quick update:

****  From addiction to sober fun – Watch the interviews at Milestones Ranch Malibu Treatment Center where I explore the meaning and definition of Sober Fun http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXPa30fcsDY

****  FOX News Channel – watch my the interview I gave to FOX News channel – The Top 5 Celebrity Meltdowns of 2011:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CB0pG5Jg68o

Now, let’s talk about the New Year, finding your voice, speaking up and establishing conditions and ultimatums before a business, personal or romantic relationship begins.

At the beginning of every New Year, it is almost customary to seek out new beginnings and to seek out change. Accordingly, the New Year can be an opportune time to review old habits which don’t work and begin new strategies.

Also read my article “Breaking bad habits” – http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/breaking-bad-habits/

One challenge that most people have is harnessing the ability, power and confidence to speak up and state their needs. As discussed in my article “Ultimatums and reverse ultimatums”, an ultimatum (a threat to take specific action or face the consequences) is usually given during a relationship as a last resort by one of the partners (“Marry me or else I will…)  http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/ultimatums-reverse-ultimatums-in-relationships/

While ultimatums are necessary when a person’s life or health is in danger, in most cases, ultimatums fail and the person issued with the ultimatum continues on in his/her comfort zone and with his/her habits or the relationship simply ends. Either way, the relationship has not improved, not evolved and not moved forward or to the next level.

The key to finding your voice, speaking up and getting what you need is to do so at the beginning of the relationship, and in some cases, before it even begins. This principle applies to all forms of relationships – personal, social, business and romantic.

Recently, a friend of mine was sharing with me her experience over the years with roommates when she was looking to rent out a room. She found that most people would respond to her ad and tell her what she wanted to hear and then, once they were in the apartment, they would try to change the terms in an unspoken manner – via their behavior. This can be referred to as the Unspoken Ultimatum – the new roommate by his/her behavior says ‘this is what I am going to do and you must accept it or else you don’t get pain and yo must throw me out.’ Of course, the existing roommate can also do the same thing – engaging in an Unspoken Ultimatum.

Continue reading “Finding your voice and speaking up” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss relationship ultimatums and “reverse ultimatums” in relationships.

First a quick update:

****  Letting go of this past year and transforming the New Year: At the end of the year, it is natural to feel overwhelmed by a vast array of emotions. Read my article and learn the 7 steps to transforming the New Year: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/letting-go-of-this-past-year-and-transforming-the-new-year/

****  Deaths and lack of self-help industry regulations: Listen to the radio interview I gave to NPR where I talk about Sweat lodge deaths, gurus and lack of self-help industry regulations – http://kjzz.org/content/1112/sweat-lodge-tragedy-highlights-lack-self-help-industry-regulations

****  FOX News Channel – watch my Top 5 Celebrity Meltdowns of 2011 this Saturday December 31^st live at 7:40 AM EST on FOX News channel

Now, let’s talk about ultimatums and reverse ultimatums in relationships.

Around the Holiday Season, some women expect, hope and pray for a marriage proposal or serious commitment from their boyfriend.

Debbie wrote last Christmas:

“I have been with my boyfriend for four years now and we’re living together for two of those years. We had talked about marriage about 2 years ago and I was waiting for him to propose to me this Christmas. I am so devastated that he didn’t and I don’t know what to do…What about if I issue him an ultimatum – marry me or it’s over? Do you think that will work?”

An ultimatum is a proposition that comes with terms and conditions – it involves a threat: ‘meet my demands or else I will do such and such.’

A reverse ultimatum involves a counter proposition, which I will explain shortly.

Various reporters have often asked me for my expert opinion about whether or not a woman should ever issue an ultimatum to a man. The answer is generally “No. And there is a more effective approach.” And I will reveal the “more effective approach” in a moment.

First, it is critical to understand the way men think. In my article “Why don’t you change?” I reveal that men do not like to change.  http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/why-dont-you-change/

“Sadly, men generally don’t have any interest in changing until they truly need to change – when the pain becomes so strong that they realize they must change i.e. when the wife threatens to divorce her husband unless he attends counseling or changes a specific habit. And even then, the man will only change when and if he is willing and ready. And ladies, please understand that it takes men years to change, mature and evolve.

“Men resist change because they also often feel that it threatens their individuality and freedom. I am not saying men are right but I am saying that women would be better off by: 1. Choosing a man who matches their values 2. Loving the man for who he is rather than trying to mold him into what they want him to be.

Continue reading “Ultimatums & reverse ultimatums in relationships” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal how to go beyond controlling anger to how to overcome anger.

First a quick update:

****  “Always Feeling Like You Need A Guy: What’s With This?” – Read my quotes as well as my controversial response to the comments in the article for HerCampus.com:

http://www.hercampus.com/love/always-feeling-you-need-guy-whats

****  “It’s not easy feeling green (with envy)” – Read the USA Today article which features some of my quick tips on ways to deal with contextual jealousy: http://yourlife.usatoday.com/sex-relationships/story/2011-12-14/Its-not-easy-feeling-green-with-envy/51896888/1

Now, let’s talk about how to control and release anger.

In my article, “The roots of anger” (http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/the-roots-of-anger/), I reveal that:

“The dictionary defines anger as an emotion – a feeling of strong displeasure and belligerence. But anger is much more than that. Anger is the almost immediate response to being hurt, injured or wronged; the hurt or injury can be a physical, emotional or psychological pain. Beneath that anger is a deeper pain. In other words, while the unsafe expression of anger can cause problems, anger in itself is not the problem, but rather, it is the symptom of another problem, emotion or belief.”

In other words, there often is another emotion beneath the anger (betrayal, rejection, fear, insecurity, worthlessness, feelings of injustice, violation and so forth.) But I also mentioned above that anger can be the symptom of another belief i.e. there is a reason that we hold onto that anger; oftentimes there is a powerful benefit to holding onto that anger and sometimes it is driven by resentment and self-pity.

Denny Seiwell has been a professional drummer playing since he was a teenager and has worked with some of the biggest names in the music industry – Paul McCartney, Joe Cocker, James Brown, The Who Astrud Gilberto, Deniece Williams, Art Garfunkel, Billy Joel and many more. Danny was one of the original members of Paul McCartney’s band “Wings.”

Danny was introduced to alcohol at age 13 and it became a way to deal with his problems, even though it almost destroyed his life as he tried to avoid facing his real pain and feelings.

“I had one big problem in life, and I had no way of dealing with that problem other than pouring alcohol on it. The more alcohol I poured on it, the more the problem grew, and then I had more problems. Pretty soon it just fed into every area of my life. A typical day: I’d roll a joint in the morning, get high, get a burrito from Poquito Mas, have some beers in the morning, and at noon, I’d start drinking Stolis. I just didn’t want to feel what I was feeling. What I was feeling was resentment, because there was this big piece of work that I did years ago that I didn’t get paid for, and I couldn’t live with that. It should have taken care of my wife and me financially for the rest of our lives, and it just didn’t happen that way. The only way I knew how to deal with that was to slam booze. Those days were just really horrible.”

(From the book “Moments of Clarity” by Christopher Kennedy Lawford)

Danny was stuck in anger, resentment and self-pity; the anger was driven by the resentment and self-pity. Beneath that anger was the choice to try and avoid facing the responsibility of dealing with the bad business deal; Danny was avoiding seeking amends, avoiding accepting what might have been beyond his control, and avoiding having to face the reality of taking charge of his life by seeking new business deals. In other words, there will be times in our life when things go wrong, we might even be ripped off, betrayed or robbed of an opportunity, and we can stay stuck in self-pity or decide to seek out and create other opportunities. The balance here is identifying what we can and cannot control. and only responding accordingly to what we can control.

Continue reading “How to control anger” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to explore the Christmas brouhaha, with the intention of finding peace, balance and happiness.

First a quick update:

****  Special – Half -off everything: Starting today and running till midnight Saturday, I am offering you fifty-percent off all of my products. That’s right half-off everything. Note: you will get the discount at the shopping cart. www.patrickwanis.com

****  “Are Guys Intimidated by Success? Why the Girl Who Has Everything Doesn’t Have a Boyfriend” – Read my quotes as well as my  controversial response to the comments in the article for HerCampus.com: http://www.hercampus.com/love/are-guys-intimidated-success-why-girl-who-has-everything-doesnt-have-boyfriend

****  Alec Baldwin and inflated sense of self – Read my revised list of the Top Ten Celebrity Meltdowns of 2011 which now includes Alec Baldwin who 5 years ago called his 11-year-old daughter, “A thoughtless little pig”, now threw a tantrum on a plane, locked himself in the bathroom after violating FAA regulations and then ridiculed the airline and crew with an SNL spoof where he referred to himself as “An American hero.”
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/the-top-ten-celebrity-meltdowns-of-2011/

Now, let’s talk about Christmas, Christmas history, the controversy and whether or not there is a possibility to find a balance and peace between religious people and atheists.

For decades, it has been heralded as “the most wonderful time of the year”:

With the kids jingle belling

And everyone telling you “Be of good cheer”

So says the popular Christmas song by Andy Williams that dates back to 1963. But the brouhaha about Christmas continues to get louder and louder, with very little cheer.

One example is the famous Ocean Avenue in Santa Monica, California where for 60 years Christians had displayed Nativity scenes for a whole city block. But this year, 18 of the 21 displays in the park are by atheists. In fact, churches were granted two of the 21 display sites, and one went to Isaac Levitansky of Chabad Channukah Menorah.

American Athiests Inc. claims they have 37 million members, and ironically, since 1963, the year of the famous song “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.”

One of their banners on display quotes Thomas Jefferson:

“Religions are all alike – founded upon fables and mythologies.”

Christmas is the celebration of Jesus’ birth but not even the churches can agree on the date or year.

The Catholic Church’s official commentary on the New Testament states that “Though the year of Jesus birth is not reckoned with certainty, the birth did not occur in AD 1.” Other religious documents place Jesus’ birthday as March 21st, May 20^th, November 18th and September 11^th. The modern Armenian Apostolic church continues to celebrate Christmas on January 6^th.

So how did Christmas come to be celebrated on December 25^th, the day of the Roman feast of the birth of Mithra, the Indo-Iranian Sun God – Sol Invictus (the Invincible Sun)?

Continue reading “Christmas brouhaha” »