In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to share with you insights about letting go, forgiving and putting yourself first. 

First a quick update:  

·         Family in crisis’” Mark your calendar for Friday July 11, 2008 to watch another appearance of mine on the Montel Williams TV show when I work with a family in crisis, using Hypnotherapy and specific intensely emotional exercises and tasks to help the family face and break through their fears, build trust, and rekindle the romance between mom and dad 

In the past two Success Newsletters, I listed some of many reasons we choose not to forgive those people that we believe have hurt or wronged us and I mentioned that the missing link to forgiveness is to understand that whatever the other person did or did not do was not and is not about you.  

This week I would like to outline the long list of negative emotions that come with a lack of forgiveness and answer the controversial question: Is it still real forgiveness if we forgive but cut off the other person? 

I believe the most powerfully negative and destructive emotion is revenge while the most empowering emotion is gratitude. Revenge is one of the diseases of a lack of forgiveness. A few of the others are: hatred, bitterness, resentment, blame, condemnation, shame, anger, rage, fear, apathy, lack of trust, cynicism, the need to control or dominate, suspicion and skepticism. May I add that if you are having problems reducing weight despite healthy eating habits and exercise, then ask yourself who you have not yet forgiven or towards whom do you still hold any of the above negative emotions. It might even be yourself that you need to forgive. A lack of forgiveness will also lead to elevated stress in the body, fear, lack of motivation, depression and anxiety. 

While we carry around any of these heavy, destructive emotions in our heart, it is impossible for us to be happy or even allow love into our heart and life. Continue reading “Putting yourself first” »

this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to share with you insights about the secret, the missing link to forgiveness, one of the greatest challenges we all face. 

First a quick update:  

·         “The top reasons your man won’t say, ‘I do!’” Watch the interview I gave on The Mike and Juliet Morning TV show, revealing insights about why men fear or refuse to commit to marriage. www.patrickwanis.com/Videos.asp  

In last week’s Success Newsletter, I listed some of many reasons we choose not to forgive those people that we believe have hurt or wronged us. This week, I want to share with you what I believe is the missing link that can help you to forgive even those people you say you could never forgive.   

In the famous parable of the Prodigal Son, the younger son leaves and squanders his early inheritance while the elder son shows insolent disregard to his father when the younger son returns. And yet, how does their father respond? He shows compassion and mercy: he forgives both his sons who have seriously wronged him and he works to unite them. There are many powerful lessons in this parable but for the purpose of this newsletter, I would like to speak about the lesson of forgiveness, compassion and understanding. 

Many times I have found myself arguing with other therapists who tell their clients to simply forgive but fail to explain to their clients just how to do that. I define forgiveness as “to give understanding for what happened.”  While in the parable it appears that the father simply forgave his sons without even listening to their repentance, the father did feel compassion: When he saw his youngest son who had obviously been without food for a long time and was probably raggedy and sickly, he felt his son’s suffering. When he forgave his elder son, he obviously understood why his son was acting insolently and why he felt isolated and unfairly treated.

Continue reading “The secret to forgiveness” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to explain and reveal the reasons why we choose not to forgive. 

First a quick update:  

·         “America’s obsession with young girls.” Miley Cyrus has been harshly criticized for her photo shoot for Vanity Fair. She apologized but how did this happen and why? Listen to the interview I gave to the ladies of XM radio’s Broadminded. I also reveal the psychological motivations behind John McCain, Barrack Obama and Hilary Clinton’s run for President, what all three have in common, and the behavioral similarities between Hilary Clinton and Eleanor Roosevelt. http://patrickwanis.com/RadioInterviews.asp ·         I have something very special to announce in the next few days, so please keep an eye on your inbox, and remember to add this email address to your spam whitelist 

Now let’s talk about the reasons we choose not to forgive those people that we believe have hurt or wronged us.  

Most of us have heard the teaching, “Love thy neighbor as yourself.” That means before you can be kind to the person next door you have to be kind to yourself. Before you can forgive them you have to forgive yourself. You cannot show or demonstrate to anyone else what you cannot show or demonstrate to yourself. For that reason, I teach that every relationship begins with you. 

So why do we not want to forgive the other person who hurt us, did something horrible to us, betrayed us, cheated on us, lied to us, rejected us, treated us poorly or abandoned us?   

There are many reasons: Continue reading “Why we refuse to forgive” »