In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about the secrets to influence and persuasion.

First a quick update:

• “Stress – the link between life changes and illness & injury” – Major life changes obviously contribute to stress but did you know that multiple major life changes within one year correlate with a higher risk of injury or illness? Complete the Stress Scale and determine your risks

Now, let’s talk about the secrets to influence and persuasion.

In my audio book, “The New Science of Persuasion…for men only”, I reveal that the number one secret to all influence and persuasion is “understanding the other person.” (The second secret relates specifically to understanding women but I won’t reveal that here; it’s in my book.)  Understanding the other person, relates to knowing clearly what motivates the other person; their needs, desires, goals, interests, etc. In other words, the emphasis shifts from trying to get someone to understand you to you trying to understand them. By appealing to the other person’s needs and motivations, you can influence or persuade him or her more successfully.

Regardless of your gender, position, job, socio-economic background or nationality, we all communicate three ways:

• Non-verbal – With our bodies –56%
• Tonality – Our tone of voice –37 %
• Words/content- Our choice of words –7 %

  Continue reading “Secrets to persuasion and influence” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to explain why you are not crazy – it’s the stress that is driving you crazy, and I’d like to talk about the often overlooked but long list of symptoms of stress.

First a quick update:

• “Negative emotions, stress and your weight” – Read my controversial comments and insights in this week’s National Enquirer (US and British editions) about Kirstie Alley’s ongoing challenges with her weight, body-shape, yo-yo dieting experiences and their potentially dangerous consequences for her health.

• “How stressed are you? Take the test.” – Find out if your stress levels are low, moderate or extreme by taking the stress quiz.

Now, let’s talk about stress, its symptoms and effects on you.

Recently, two separate clients came to me with similar experiences – anxiety, panic attacks and intrusive thoughts and images.

Joshua is a highly successful man in his early twenties and Kim is an equally successful woman in her early thirties. They told me that this was the first time in their life that they had experienced anxiety or panic attacks. Joshua and Kim are entrepreneurs who had never previously known fear in their life.

Both Joshua and Kim had previously visited various other professionals seeking help with anxiety. Typically, the first response was to label and medicate them, and not offer any real tangible support or advice. And yes, there are times that intervention is required, particularly if the situation is critical or dangerous. However, in both cases, my clients were told that they have an organic disorder – in other words, that there is something wrong with their brain and were then instructed to take medication. Scientific evidence refutes this claim of organic neurological disorders. Listen to my interview with Dr. Peter Breggin who also adds that anti-depressants are creating long-term, permanent damage to the brain and resulting in deaths, suicides, violence and murder.

After visiting these various experts, Joshua and Kim both said almost the same thing to me, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I think I am crazy.”

A short review of their life and current challenges revealed the real cause of their anxiety. I explained to Joshua and Kim that anxiety and panic attacks which are fear-based almost always stem from the sense and feeling of a loss of control.

“What do you feel is out of control in your life?”

“Almost everything”, was the response.

Joshua’s parents had been suffering under the pressure of the economy and Joshua was supporting them but then he too, got hit and he could no longer help them. Soon after, his parents were forced to sell the house he grew up in. His father, once a powerful business role model for Joshua was now forced to work in a humble department store. Meanwhile, Joshua’s grandmother passed away, a close friend committed suicide, and Joshua’s girlfriend was experiencing her own identity crisis – she was lost and confused about what she wanted out of life. In a matter of a few months, Joshua’s entire emotional support system had almost been wiped out and now Joshua felt as if his life was out of control.

Kim’s story was not that different, although married a second time and now with a supportive husband, her children were not doing well at school and were experiencing emotional problems stemming from a poor relationship with their natural father. Kim’s business was also suffering and she was often verbally battling with her mother who Kim says is a hypochondriac and is always afraid for Kim. Again, just as in Joshua’s situation, Kim’s life too, felt out of control.

All of these challenges create extreme stress and lead to chronic stress and burnout. The first stage of The Stress Response is “Alarm” – the body prepares for violent muscular action (Fight-or-Flight Response) regardless of whether or not the stimulus/stressor is physical, mental or emotional. The body’s response to a stressor includes anxiety, panic, fear, racing thoughts, increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, headaches, muscle tension, gastrointestinal distress, etc. The second stage of The Stress Response is the “Adaptive/Resistance” stage where the body tries to recover from the physiological strains of the alarm stage once the stres­sor is eliminated. If the stressor is not eliminated, then the body stays in Alarm stage and the body enters stage three, “Exhaustion” or burnout. The longer the stress remains, the greater the symptoms and the greater the damage to the body – the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual body.

Severe or chronic stress can result in disease or death. According to the Pan American Health Organization, in the US, approxi­mately 80% of all non-trauma deaths are caused by stress-related illnesses. These are some of the disorders believed to be stress-related:

• High blood pressure
• Strokes
• Heart attacks
• Headaches
• Diabetes mellitus
• Peptic ulcer disease
• Menstrual problems
• Musculoskeletal pain
• Increased vulnerability to infection and cancer
• Memory impairment
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Sexual difficulties

My point here is that I told both Joshua and Kim, “You are not ‘crazy’”, but you are extremely stressed. And most of us are not aware that what we are experiencing is extreme stress. We continually push our bodies in a way that we would never even push our cars and then we wonder why we are becoming ill and losing enjoyment and enthusiasm for life. Even the US army has announced that it will require that all 1.1 million of its soldiers take intensive training in emotional resiliency to head off the mental health problems, including depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and suicide that plague about one-fifth of troops returning from Afghanistan and Iraq.

The first step in recognizing when you are stressed is acknowledging the possibility that you can become stressed. The second step is to be aware of the signs and symptoms of stress, which may be mild, moderate or severe. Below is a list of the common physical signs and symptoms of stress as compiled by the Pan American Health Organization.

Common physical signs and symptoms of stress:

• Rapid heart rate
• Elevated blood pressure
• Nausea and/or vomiting
• Chest pain
• Difficulty breathing
• Fainting
• Dizziness
• Tremor
• Increased perspiration
• Headaches
• Muscle twitching
• Thirst
• Weakness
• Fatigue
• Grinding teeth
• Visual difficulties
• Hearing difficulties
• Non-specific body complaints

If you suffer from chest pain, difficulty breathing or fainting spells you need to see a medical doctor immediately.

Common cognitive signs and symptoms of stress:

• Poor concentration
• Loss of self-confidence
• Memory impairment
• Increased or decreased awareness of one’s surroundings
• Difficulty making decisions
• Poor abstract thinking
• Blaming other persons
• Difficulty identifying familiar objects or people
• Loss of time, place or person orientation
• Racing thoughts
• Disturbed thinking
• Intrusive images

Common emotional signs and symptoms of stress:

• Apprehension
• Uncertainty
• Fear
• Agitation
• Anxiety
• Severe panic
• Anger
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Irritability
• Hopelessness
• Emotional shock
• Guilt
• Grief
• Depression
• Denial
• Inappropriate emotional responses

Common behavioral signs and symptoms of stress:

• Change in activity levels
• Sleep disturbances
• Erratic movements
• Change in usual style of communication
• Loss of interest in previously pleasurable activities
• Change in eating habits
• Emotional outbursts
• Antisocial behavior
• Inappropriate use of humor
• Suspiciousness
• Hyper-arousal
• Substance use and overuse (e.g., caffeine, nicotine or alcohol use)
• Deterioration in performance effectiveness
• Accident proneness
• Nervous mannerisms (e.g., foot tapping, nail biting, teeth grinding, hair pulling, hand-wringing, etc.)

Unfortunately, many of us have become accustomed to simply accepting all of these symptoms as a part of our day-to-day life. And in turn, we try to deal with them by taking medication or other forms of substances when in fact we need to do more than just deal with these symptom, we need to deal with the causes and take action to reduce the stress.

You can also take daily action to reduce your stress with meditation, deep breathing or hypnosis. Download my gift now as an MP3 file or use my Relax Now audio program  or my Get Over It audio program.

If you want to learn more about stress and its effect on your healthand how it causes food cravings and belly fat, listen to my comprehensive 20-minute audio on how to recognize the physiological effects of mental, emotional and physical stress on your health -  www.patrickwanis.com/stressandhealth

If you would like to comment on this newsletter, go to www.patrickwanis.com/blog   if you have received this newsletter as a forward and would like to receive all of my newsletters please enter your email address on the home page at PatrickWanis.com.

I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist
www.patrickwanis.com

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss a controversial topic – the lessons we can learn from the tragic killings of three women in a US gym last week.

First a quick update:

• “Your comments” – Last week I wrote about the principle of letting go of one’s ego – the need to be right (“Why do you always need to be right?”) I was not, though, endorsing that you allow people to walk all over you, nor was I saying that you should not stand-up for your beliefs and causes. The key principle is to seek happiness and peace over vindication, and, ask yourself when you are about to argue over a topic “How important is this?” if it’s not important or critical, let it go. Add your comments to my blog.

Now, let’s talk about the lessons from last week’s horrific mass killing.

On August 4, 2009, George Sodini, 48, entered a fitness club in Pennsylvania, USA. He walked into an aerobics class, turned off the lights and fired 52 rounds of bullets at the 20 occupants; he killed three women and injured nine others, before turning the gun on himself.

Sodini left behind a lot of information about his life and motives in the form of an online blog/diary, a note found at the gym and a couple of online videos. Read the entire text of his online blog/diary here.

His writings reveal a man that had hatred for the world. Sodini blamed everyone and found bad in everyone: his father, brother, mother, religion, church, right-wing people, and women. Sodini also claimed he had no one to help guide or counsel him, no one to tell him what he is doing wrong in his life. He hated women, religion and his life. He was jealous of young people and felt his situation was totally hopeless.

Continue reading “Lessons from the mass killing” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to address the need to be right and explain how it kills our happiness and destroys our relationships. 

First a quick update:

• “Gunman kills 3 people in a gym – Why?” – Listen to the radio interview when I speak about the possible reasons and motivations behind the man that fatally shot 3 people and then himself. I will be revealing the profile of mass killers and discussing the impact of rejection, being bullied and feelings of hopelessness. Listen to the interview here on 850 WFTL

Now, let’s talk about the need to be right.

The dictionary defines “right” as: the state or quality or an instance of being correct; correct in judgment, opinion, or action.

Recently, I was dining with a client and some of his friends in New York City. One of his close friends, Lisa, works as a consultant in the fashion industry. As we were discussing fashion trends, Lisa began to say that New York women dress much better than Miami women.

I began to wonder to myself, “Is that really true?”

My mind said, “No, she is wrong. I know that Miami women dress better.”

As we discussed and debated the finer points of fashion sense, it was obvious to me that Lisa was taking this personally; after all, Lisa is from New York City. She became heated and agitated. Her tone of voice was changing and her face was scrunching – her young face was quickly filling with deep lines on her forehead. Wow. Lisa was almost becoming angry.

Continue reading “Why do you always need to be right?” »