Archive for May, 2010

SATC – how it changed men and women

Friday, May 28th, 2010

The following is a transcript of Siobhan McFadyen, News Correspondent for Grazia Magazine, interviewing Celebrity Life Coach and Human Behavior Expert, Patrick Wanis Ph.D. about Sex and the City  – the two movies (Sex and the City and Sex and the City 2 – SATC 2) and the TV Series – about its cultural significance and impact on women. How has Sex and the City affected, changed or shaped women and why? And does Sex and The City intimidate men?

You can also read the controversial press release by Patrick Wanis PhD: Sex and the City – how it emasculated men – http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/06/01/satc2-how-it-emasculated-men/

 

Siobhan:                    Sex and the City. Why do you think so many people or women have come to love the show? What is the attraction for women and why are they so fascinated by it over the years? What draws women to it and why is it so successful?

Patrick Wanis:          I think Sex and the City is extremely successful for many, many reasons. First: because it represents women’s sexual freedom. Second: because it exposes in a very free and proud way not just women’s sexuality but the fact that women can be just as sexual as men; women can have just as big a sex drive as men and that it also freely exposes the different perspectives of sexuality that women have.

For example, you have the eldest character in the movie and the TV series (Samantha Jones played by Kim Cattral) who proudly says via her actions and sometimes her words, I’m about conquering men; I’m about using sex as power, and; I enjoy it. Then you have the character of Carrie Bradshaw (played by Sarah Jessica Parker) who seems so completely lost and is always looking for real love and looking for the ideal relationship. Then there is Charlotte York (played by Kristin Davis) who is prudish and is seeking emotional love and finally; Miranda Hobbes (played by Cynthia Nixon) who is the career-minded cynic of relationships (the voice of reason), who is a Type A, a workaholic and wants to win men over via her personality rather than her sexiness.

Thus, each character represents a different aspect of not just women but women’s sexuality and the significance of sex to them. Another key aspect of the movie and TV show’s appeal is that it also reflects the bonding, the friendship and what we call in psychology and mental health, the “befriending” that women have and engage in; women turn to each other when they’re under stress, when they have a problem, when they want to discuss something and when they need a sounding board. Almost ninety-nine percent of the time, women turn to other women before they’ll turn to a man.

Siobhan:                    That’s true. Why is that?

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How emotionally smart are you?

Wednesday, May 26th, 2010

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to invite you to take a quiz that will reveal your level of emotional intelligence (your emotional smarts) and; I offer you some strategies to become more emotionally intelligent.

First a quick update:

****  “The three most dangerous mistakes coaches and therapists make” – Listen to the interview I gave to The Coaching Show with hosts Christopher McAuliffe, MCC and Tara Padua Wise CPC about the three major mistakes made by coaches, therapists, counselors, psychologists and psychiatrists. I also reveal and explain how these mistakes can seriously harm and damage clients as well as the coach’s business. Click here: http://patrickwanis.com/3_Dangerous_Mistakes.asp

****  “Jesse James still doesn’t get it” – Jesse James says he is now deeply sorry, that he wanted to get caught and he threw away a good thing – his marriage to Sandra Bullock but Jesse James also didn’t believe that he deserved such a good thing and had no control over his compulsive desires http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/05/25/jesse-james-still-doesnt-get-it/

Now, let’s talk about your level of emotional intelligence and ways to raise it; how emotionally smart are you?

In last week’s Success Newsletter, I discussed emotional intelligence and its significance & relevance to your success and enjoyment of life http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/05/19/emotional-intelligence/ Emotional intelligence is best summed up as your ability to be aware of what you feel and to master your ability to control what you feel so that you can get along with other people. Another key component of emotional intelligence is your ability to express your emotions, perceive and evaluate the emotions of others, and to express empathy and compassion for others.

Here is a simple quiz I have created that will help you to determine how emotionally intelligent you are. Simply respond with a “Yes” or “No” to each of the questions below.

Emotional Intelligence Quiz (Emotional IQ Test)

  Continue reading “How emotionally smart are you?” »

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Emotionally Intelligent Women Have More Orgasms

Wednesday, May 26th, 2010

The following is the Press Release issued by the Department of Twin Research and Genetic Epidemiology King’s College London, UK. May 12, 2009

Emotional intelligence in women, the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, appears to increase their number of orgasms, suggests a study by the Department of Twin Research and published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.

The study suggests that low emotional intelligence is a potential risk factor for female orgasmic dysfunction, which is the second most frequently reported female sexual problem with two in five women stating to never, or finding it difficult to achieve an orgasm.

The investigators carried out this study by recruiting 2035 female volunteers from the TwinsUK registry aged 18-83 years. All completed questionnaires detailing their general sexual behavior and functioning, and a validated questionnaire on emotional intelligence. The research found a significant association between emotional intelligence and the frequency of orgasm during masturbation and intercourse. This led to the conclusion that a high emotional intelligence level contributes to the ability to achieve orgasm more frequently.

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Jesse James still doesn’t get it

Tuesday, May 25th, 2010

Jesse James continues to play the victim claiming he cheated because his father was abusive but Jesse James’ real problem is that he has a low emotional IQ says one relationship expert & therapist .

“Jesse James says he is now deeply sorry, that he wanted to get caught and he threw away a good thing – his marriage to Sandra Bullock but Jesse James has very low emotional intelligence – he has no control over his compulsive desires; he cannot delay gratification and he easily gives into impulses” says Human Behavior & Relationship Expert, Patrick Wanis PhD.  “When a person suffers from low emotional intelligence – they are not aware of their emotions, cannot control or manage them and often have no thought or concern about how their behavior affects others. This is Jesse James. He didn’t think about or care about the consequences of his actions – the impact his behavior would have on his wife and his family until it was too late and he began to suffer.”
Continue reading “Jesse James still doesn’t get it” »

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Emotional intelligence

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss emotional intelligence, its application and its significance to success and enjoyment of life.

First a quick update:

****  “Tean beating – insanity or revenge?” – read the transcript of the interview I gave to Russ Morley, host of 850 WFTL radio about Wayne Treacy, a 15-year-old Deerfield Beach High School student, who has pleaded not guilty to a charge of attempted first-degree murder and is being tried as an adult. Wayne Treacy allegedly beat 15-year old Josie Lou Ratley and broke every bone in her body.
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/05/18/teen-beating-insanity-or-revenge/

****  “The three most dangerous and harmful mistakes coaches and therapists make” – listen to the interview I am giving to The Coaching Show with hosts Christopher McAuliffe, MCC and Tara Padua Wise CPC  www.wsradio.com   

****  “The Law of Deservedness” – Many people have written to me frustrated by their present situation and poor results. So, I have created a brand new six-module audio program to transform and renew your subconscious beliefs about your value and self-worth; to end the self-sabotage and engage your subconscious mind to work for you rather than against you. I haven’t yet released it to the public but you can have first access to it by going to:
http://patrickwanis.com/lodm/

Now, let’s talk about emotional intelligence, what it is and why it is critical to your success and enjoyment of life.

In 1990, the phrase “emotional intelligence” was coined by Yale psychologist Peter Salovey and the University of New Hampshire’s John Mayer as a means of describing the ability to understand one’s own feelings, express empathy for the feelings of others and “the regulation of emotion in a way that enhances living.” The ability to assess, manage and control the emotions of one’s self and of others is the key platform of emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is best summed up as our ability to be aware of what we feel and to master our ability to control what we feel so what we can get along with other people. This week, I gave an interview to Russ Morley of 850 WFTL radio about a 15 year old boy in Florida, Wayne Treacy who is being tried for attempted murder after allegedly beating a girl so badly that every bone in her face was broken. Why did he do this? His defense will argue insanity but quite simply, it appears that the girl, Josie Lou Ratley had made bad remarks about his brother who had committed suicide six months prior, and, in turn, this boy, spent hours texting friends about how he was going to wreak revenge upon her. Although this boy’s case will prove to have other elements to it, we daily witness examples of people who lack the ability to identify, manage and control their emotions i.e. road rage or parents who verbally and sometimes physically attack referees at their children’s soccer games.

In 1995, Time Magazine reported that researchers had found that four-year-olds who could control their desire for a marshmallow would later succeed in life over those who could not control those initial impulses. The researchers simply tempted the four-year-olds by saying ‘you can have this marshmallow now or wait till I come back and I will give you two marshmallows.’

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Teen beating – insanity or revenge?

Tuesday, May 18th, 2010

The following is a transcript of Russ Morley, host of 850 WFTL radio interviewing Celebrity Life Coach and Human Behavior Expert, Patrick Wanis Ph.D. about Wayne Treacy, a 15-year old Deerfield Beach High School student, who has pleaded not guilty to a charge of attempted first-degree murder and is being tried as an adult. Wayne Treacy allegedly beat 15-year old Josie Lou Ratley and broke every bone in her body.

Russ:                          I appreciate you having us on this morning, 8:13 on this Monday, May 17, about 78 degrees in South Florida.

On Friday, we learned that a few hours before the savage beating at Deerfield Beach Middle School back on March 17, the teen charged in the attack, told friends via text messages that he planned to snap Josie Lou Ratley’s neck and stomp on her skull to kill her for badmouthing his dead brother. Here’s a quote from one of the texts, “Snap her neck then stomp her skull is the fastest way I could think of.” Another choice one was, “This bitch ran her mouth about my bro who she knew was dead, now I want her head.” And he got it he broke every bone in her face, still undergoing therapy as of this morning. We’re not really sure of the condition of this young lady ‑ this 15-year-old Josie Lou Ratley. But what is his test – I think there was some plea of temporary insanity. He said he’s not guilty of this crime. What does that say about that and what does it say about this young man?

Joining us this morning is Human Behavior expert and Celebrity Life Coach, Dr. Patrick Wanis from Miami. Dr. Wanis, good morning.

Dr. Patrick Wanis:    Good morning, Russ.

Russ:                          You’ve had a chance to look at some of these texts out there. What do you see about this Wayne Treacy? What do you see about this kid?

Dr. Patrick Wanis:    I think the first thing that is definitely clear is that this is a clear case of revenge. He’s seeking revenge. He’s seeking what he believes to be justice. It’s going to be very hard for the attorney to prove either insanity or temporary insanity because the first thing is: he has to prove that the defendant was diminished in mental capacity. That means that he couldn’t understand the nature or quality of his behavior. And second: that the defendant couldn’t differentiate between basic ideas of right or wrong when he was actually beating her. That’s a very hard thing to prove because if you look at the actual chronological list of events…as early as 11:30 in the morning, Wayne Treacy is saying, “I’m going to hurt someone and I know I’m going to jail for it.” One of his texts just says, “I’m going to jail for murder.” That’s before he’d done something. That’s three hours before. Then he proceeds, throughout the day intermittently to say, “I’m going to hurt her. I’m going to do this. I’m going to do that.” Then after he does it, he says, “I’m going to jail because I tried to kill someone.”

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Are you a Volkswagen or a Ferrari?

Wednesday, May 12th, 2010

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to pose the question “Are you a Volkswagen or a Ferrari?” and explain how that relates to our deeper beliefs about our self-worth and the way we let people treat us.

First a quick update:

****  “Sandra Bullock and the grieving process” – read the transcript of the interview I gave to Siobhan McFadyen, News Correspondent for the magazine Grazia Australia about Sandra Bullock and the way she is handling the pain of the betrayal and deceit by her husband Jesse James http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/05/10/sandra-bullock-grieving/

**** Spam filtering – my Success newsletter comes out every Wednesday around noon Eastern Standard Time and if you do not receive it, it may have been spammed as filtering becomes broader almost daily. However, you can read all of my newsletters on my blog where I post and archive them www.patrickwanis.com/blog  

Now, let’s talk about your self-worth: Are you a Volkswagen or a Ferrari?

Recently, I was speaking with a friend who asked me for some advice. Amanda had met a man to whom she was very attracted and they had been dating but soon he stopped returning her text messages and calls. Without blinking, I responded with “You slept with him, didn’t you?”

With a look of surprise, Amanda said ‘Yes. Why?’

“How long had you been dating?”

‘Three weeks.’

“There’s your answer.”

‘Three weeks isn’t a long time?’ Amanda said with a look of bewilderment.

Before I reveal the rest of our conversation and some other interesting aspects to Amanda’s story, I would also like to share a comment from a reader on my blog, Peggy:

  Continue reading “Are you a Volkswagen or a Ferrari?” »

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Sandra Bullock & grieving

Monday, May 10th, 2010

The following is a transcript of Siobhan McFadyen, News Correspondent for Grazia Australia, interviewing Celebrity Life Coach and Human Behavior Expert, Patrick Wanis Ph.D. about actress Sandra Bullock and husband Jesse James and the article from People Magazine revealing Sandra Bullock’s adoption of a boy which she hid from the world for almost 3 months. How is Sandra Bullock handling the scandal surrounding the betrayal and multiple affairs of her husband Jesse James? She has responded with calm, dignity, maturity and forgiveness. But if Sandra was able to hide her adoption, then what else might she be hiding – her real feelings and pain?

 

Siobhan McFadyen:

Given that her marriage has just broken down in the past four weeks, can you spot the unusual comments or behaviors, or give us some insights into how she might be feeling.

Patrick Wanis PhD:

My first initial reaction is that there are only two possibilities here: either she’s in denial of the real pain she’s feeling, or it’s been a very carefully orchestrated response to protect her image; keeping in mind her image is that she’s America’s Sweetheart; she’s a lady; she’s elegant; she’s sophisticated; she’s classy, she’s dignified; and therefore, she would never show extreme emotion. She would never show any anger, bitterness, resentment, shame, humiliation, condemnation or blame.

But we must look at Sandra Bullock’s response: she seems to have already forgiven Jesse James for the multiple affairs, and although she has filed for divorce, Sandra has hinted at some sort of reconciliation. Sandra Bullock  now describes her relationship with Jesse James as “a bittersweet one, one of new understanding, one of forgiveness, one of support for his recovery.” Sandra also says: “I don’t know how our paths will intersect in the future…The things I hold most dear are the things that could not have happened without Jesse.”

Now, I said that the first possibility was that she’s in denial. There is a six-step process that we all go through when we experience a loss, when we are grieving.

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance
  6. Hope

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Men, women & stress

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about men, women and stress and reveal the different ways that men and women respond to stress and how that affects relationships.

First a quick update:

“Slash stress and help spread the word” – Help me to reach even more people with my weekly newsletter and insights by forwarding this newsletter onto your friends and colleagues. You and they can also take advantage of my special gift – a powerful hypnosis audio file that I created in response to people’s requests for help during stressful times. Download my gift now by going to www.patrickwanis.com/nostress and send your friends there as well.

 Spam filtering – Some people have written to me to inform me that on some occasions they have not received my Newsletter. Please note that my Success newsletter comes out every Wednesday around noon Eastern Standard Time and if you do not receive it, it may have been spammed as filtering becomes broader almost daily. However, you can read all of my newsletters on my blog where I post and archive them www.patrickwanis.com/blog  

Now, let’s talk about the different ways that men and women respond to stress and how that affects relationships.

I would like to begin by explaining the Stress Response.

The first stage of The Stress Response is “Alarm” – the body prepares for violent muscular action (Fight-or-Flight Response) regardless of whether or not the stimulus/stressor is physical, mental or emotional. The body’s response to a stressor includes anxiety, panic, fear, racing thoughts, increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, headaches, muscle tension, gastrointestinal distress, etc. The second stage of The Stress Response is the “Adaptive/Resistance” stage where the body tries to recover from the physiological strains of the alarm stage once the stres­sor is eliminated. If the stressor is not eliminated, then the body stays in Alarm stage and the body enters stage three, “Exhaustion” or burnout. The longer the stress remains, the greater the symptoms and the greater the damage to the body – the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual body.

For decades, it was assumed by researchers and scientists that men and women respond to stress in exactly the same way i.e. The Fight-or-Flight Response. That may have been due to the fact that almost all of the subjects and participants in the study were male. However, in the past 10 years, new studies involving men and women now reveal that men and women have vastly different responses to stress.

The findings are that men and women both respond the same way to physical danger and threats – i.e. The Fight-or-Flight Response. However, stress in general, and perceived threats to self-esteem including judgments, criticism and condemnation result in a different response by women.

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