In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the secret to winning friends.

First a quick update:

****  Apology – Not everyone received yesterday’s email alerting you that I have only 3 spaces left and I am going to make it easier for you to be one of the select few to get one of those last 3 places …for my “Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique” training and certification program. A couple of people asked if we could help out with a payment plan and we have done that. Hurry now to get hold of the secrets to my unique therapeutic technique to get faster results for your clients, while making more per session, and in half the time: http://patrickwanis.com/srtt/srtt.asp You can get the video again here, or once the video has begun to play, skip it by pressing the “Sign Up Now” button.

Now, let’s talk about how to win friends.

This week, I presented a training program/workshop for Equinox fitness in New York City on “The Psychology of Persuasion and Communication.” One of the key points I made is that it is critical to understand the difference between needs and desires.

Most people confuse desires for needs.

We need food, water, shelter and physical love to survive. And yes, we do have some basic emotional needs for happiness and fulfillment but we can still survive without these (see my newsletter “Getting your six needs” http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/06/30/getting-your-six-needs/) but most of what we call needs are actually desires. We want and seek love, approval, acceptance, recognition, praise, encouragement, a sense of belonging, attention, validation, significance, friendship, companionship, etc.

As modern life continues to become faster, our interactions with people become briefer, less personal and less meaningful. Facebook and other social media give us the opportunity to meet and connect with new people and old friends. But what it also does is create an artificial connection – a quick exchange of simplistic information – we know what our friend is doing in the moment but we don’t have a real conversation where we listen and ask questions and rarely are we in front of the other person, in their presence. A key reason that most people create a facebook account and post photos, messages and details about their activities and lives is the hope to get attention, be noticed and feel significant.

Our attempt to make our lives easier and more comfortable has only served to make it more complicated and stressful as we try to keep up with and return calls, text messages, facebook messages, and emails. The result is a barrage of distractions, consuming our time, and robbing us of quality time for our friends and family. A common complaint I here from clients is the desire for someone to express a sincere interest in them and their lives.

When you express a sincere interest in another person, you are also telling them that they are significant. And feeling significant raises one’s self-esteem.

Sonya grew up in a family where her parents were both working and when they were home, they were often arguing. Sonya said her parents barely noticed her and didn’t take the time to sit down and ask her about school, her friends or her interests. Sonya felt and concluded that she was invisible, insignificant and, that no one cared about her or was interested in her. In turn, Sonya grew up doing whatever she could to get people to notice her and give her attention; she painted her body with tattoos, wore revealing clothes, slept around and even joined a gang in the hope that someone might view her as significant.

Thus, one of the key ways to win friends is to make them feel significant.

  Continue reading “How to win friends” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the emergence of the new matriarchy – how women are taking over – and what that signifies for men, women, relationships and families.

First a quick update:

****  “Spirituality versus Religion” – This week I am appearing in a taped debate for a TV special on The Catholic Channel. I will alert you of the broadcast date.

Now, let’s talk about the emergence of the new matriarchy and how women are taking over.

In the province of Yunnan in China, the Mor Soue people who inhabit the Lugu Lake region, live within a matriarchal system. The head of the family is the mother or grandmother and she controls the family’s financial situation. Marriage does not exist. Instead, they practice “walking marriage” – a woman may invite a man into her hut to spend a “sweet night,” but by daybreak, he must be gone. If the woman becomes pregnant from this union, the child will be raised by the woman and her family, and the child will adopt the mother’s last name.

The patriarchal system is marked by the supremacy of the father, the legal dependence of wives and children, and descent and inheritance in the male line.

This is dramatically and rapidly changing with the global phenomenon of female empowerment.

The workforce

For the first time in US history, there are more women than men in the workforce; women make up 51% of managerial and professional jobs, 54% of accountants, 50% of all banking and insurance jobs, 30% of physicians, 45% of associates in law firms and 20% of the armed forces (it was 2% in 1972.) Women also dominate 13 of the 15 job categories projected to grow the most over the next decade. The single exception is that only 3% of Fortune 500 CEOs are women, but in 2 – 3 decades that will likely change as more women are graduating from college than men.

Education

Women are becoming more educated than men as women surpass men in attendance and graduation rates – for every two men who get a college degree, three women will also. This is the same pattern in the Australia and the UK. In fact, women are even outperforming men in academic results.

Buying power

In the 1950s, it was common for the husband to arrive home from work and surprise the entire family with the new car in the driveway; he rarely consulted the wife. Today, women are making the decisions. Women account for 85% of all consumer purchases including everything from autos to health care (91% of new homes and 92% of vacations.) One car salesman told me that he attributes his success to a simple strategy – when a couple is hunting for a car, he always appeals to the woman.

  Continue reading “Women are taking over” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the ways to affair-proof your relationship or marriage.

First a quick update:

**** “Getting over the past” – if you want to let go of the past and be able to get on with your life; if you want to break away from the past, from the painful emotions, obsessive thoughts so that you can be happy, alive, excited about love and life, free from the pain, rejection, betrayal and deep hurt, click here:   http://patrickwanis.com/getoverit_package.asp

Now, let’s talk about the ways to affair-proof your relationship or marriage.

In my Newsletter “Cheating – are women innocent”, I revealed that recent statistics show that women cheat almost as much as men do. one in five married women has had an affair according to the National Opinion Research Center http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/08/04/cheating-are-women-innocent/ Most people define cheating as a physical interaction but in my article and quiz, “Is it cheating?”, I offer 14 scenarios for you to decide what constitutes cheating. I also explain that a committed relationship is about love, honor, respect, honesty and trust, and thus, anything that you do that goes against that type of commitment can be defined as cheating – that includes emotional cheating. http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2008/04/02/is-it-cheating-2/

So what can you do to affair-proof your relationship or marriage?

First it’s critical to understand that each one of us is ultimately responsible for the choices we make – it is never your fault for the way the other person chooses to behave or respond, nor is it their fault for the way you choose to respond.. Also, you cannot control someone else and you cannot determine how they will respond to you but, there are specific strategies and things you can do to strengthen your relationship, bond and love, and to dramatically reduce the chances of you or your partner straying or having an affair:

  Continue reading “Affair-proofing your marriage” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to answer a reader’s question about where “The Secret” failed and reveal the difference between a fantasy and a dream.

First a quick update:

**** “The fear of commitment” – What’s behind the fear of commitment?  Why are you attracted to players?  How can you deal with the power struggle in relationships?  Read the transcript of the interview I gave to Lucia, host of The Art of Love Radio Show http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/09/06/fear-of-commitment/

Now, let’s talk about the difference between a fantasy and a dream or vision.

Recently, I received an email from a reader wondering why four years after its release, “The Secret” hasn’t transformed the world as many predicted and why she along with many other people who read and adopted the principles of the book still had not realized their goals. “After all the hoopla and Oprah who went gaga over it – is The Secret just a fantasy?” Paula wrote.

I would like to answer that question and topic with an edited excerpt from my book, “Smash your hidden beliefs – make more money now!”:

Robert grew up in the Bronx, in New York. From an early age, Robert was an entrepreneur. He began by shining shoes and doing all sorts of small chores, errands and little business deals in order to make money. Very soon, Robert ended up being a great hustler, in the sense of hustling for business – always looking for another way to make some money. Through his 20s and 30s Robert had many different careers, and in his 40s ended up becoming a multimillionaire. He ended up producing something that turned into a ten-million dollar empire. That was about 25 years ago when he ended up being embezzled and losing everything.

Twenty-five years later, he still struggles the same way he did as a child, always looking for that dollar, always trying to hustle. His closest friends Albert and Samuel are two guys who also had a very similar upbringing, and like him, they became very successful in midlife to the extent of becoming multimillionaires. And like Robert, they suffered a similar fate: Albert lost all his money through drugs and Samuel lost all of his money through gambling. Now all three of them, in their later years in life, have no money and end up hustling the same way they did as children, barely getting by.

So you ask, “What’s the moral of this story?”

  Continue reading “How “The Secret” failed” »

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to explain how we are not all the same and what that signifies for relationships and business.

First a quick update:

****  “The art of flirting” – Read the transcript of the interview I gave to Sue McGarvie Clinical Therapist and Syndicated Talk Show host of Ottawa’s EZ Rock 99.7 “Love & Lipstick”, about flirting from the male perspective – which flirting techniques work with men and which don’t: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/09/01/the-art-of-flirting/

****  The training – now also via webinar – In response to requests from people outside the US, the training course for my unique therapeutic technique “Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique” (SRTT) will now be conducted over the phone and via webinar so you can learn and follow along and ask questions via your computer from anywhere in the world, and, we have adjusted the dates to ensure everyone is accommodated. Are you one of the lucky few to grab the last places to make up the 15 people being accepted? Hurry: http://patrickwanis.com/srtt/srtt.asp

Now, let’s talk about why we are not all the same and its implications.

This year, the T.I.M.M.-E Company, Inc. (Tolerance in Multi Media Education) – an educational company that teaches tolerance and diversity in schools, celebrated its 10th anniversary of the children’s book “We Are All The Same Inside.” The book’s message is to encourage children to celebrate our similarities while embracing each other’s differences.

And yes, it is true that were we to remove color, gender, culture, age and other differences such as socio-economic disparities, we would find that inside we are all very similar and accordingly we do also have common physical and emotional needs such as food, water, shelter, attention, approval, love & connection, security, challenges, significance, growth, and contribution – meaning and purpose. (See also my Newsletter from June 30, 2010: “Getting your six needs”: http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/2010/06/30/getting-your-six-needs/ )

Common humanity is one of the key messages of the 1985 classic film “The Breakfast Club”: beneath their obvious external differences, the geek, the sports jock, the princess, the criminal and the kook are in essence all the same, sharing the same fears, hopes, deepest emotions and problems.

However, there are also critical ways in which we are very different and that, in turn, can destroy relationships and our general happiness & enjoyment of life.

Continue reading “We are not the same” »