Hi Terry,
I asked the administrator to add you – so consider it done. Also, please remember, tell your friends they can always add their name on the home page to receive my newsletter.
All the best,
Patrick

I am 22 yrs old. I have been reading your writings and I believe you may be able to help me. When I was 17 my best friend from childhood asked me to prom as a friend. I went cause he had just gone through a break up and I wanted to support him. He also had a twin brother (my other best friend). We were all so close we worked together , grew up together, families were even friends. That night he raped me twice taking my virginity. I went home the next morning only remember bits and pieces not remembering alot really scared me. I went to the hospital and had enough information to press charges, but all the history we had and given the trust I thought I had, I could’nt go through with it. Even looking at him would make me so sick. At that point, we had already been living in another town, so I felt safe finishing up high school. I went to the guidance counselor everyday, and I believe that helped me alot. After awhile, I dated guys but nothing serious. Just hanging out. Right out of high school I met a very sweet guy who was a little older than I and we dated for almost 3 years. He was my first “intimately”. I questioned his honesty at times and thought it was wrong and unfair, because I was bringing mistrust from past occurances. It turns out he secretly was on local chat/ video porn sites often (addict), still fantisized about exes, and even was interested in both sexes. I found this out after two years of being together and left him right away. At that point we had been living together for two years and had the same group of friends. I moved out of town about 1 hr away, closer to my collage and family. During my previous two year relationship I had a male friend I had worked with, who had always been interested in me, but I had remained faithful to my previous ex. He came into my workplace 2 months after my break up, and invited me to hang out. After 1 month we were dating. He was very sweet, and we had alot of common interests. The only things that concerned me were his parents having alot of say and influence over his choices, and he had a past relationship that was 7 months long but tragically his girlfriend passed away at 19 from an accident. It had been 3 yrs since her passing and I felt like he may have had lots of coping to do. We had talked about it, early on in the relationship in fact before we started dating. He seemed closed off on the subject , but after 6 months had passed he was accepting and coping and would talk about it more freely. I was sad because I felt at times as though I were compaired to someone who has passed on and felt as though you cannot compete with something like that. It would make me feel uncomfortable. We lived with his father for awhile, he had a drinking problem, and was very nosey. His dad had some issues with me I feel because when his son and I started dating, they would not spend as much time together. I stayed out of their arguments and we finally moved into our own apartment. The weird thing was his moms apartment happened to be right down the hall. After about 2 years of dating and 3 months in our own place he proposed. Everything seemed perfect we both had good carreers, our families were excited, and everything after a couple months was planned. The wedding date was set, we would move from NH to FL, and things were all paid for. We flew down to Florida to find a place and jobs two months before we were to be married. When we arrived FL we even found jobs and a place to live. We were driving back up with my grandparents in the car when out of the blue he said ” I dont think I can do this anymore.” I was shocked but tried to remain calm till we were back home in NH. We got back to the apartment that night and he apoligized but looked overwhelmed. I figured we would sleep it off and wait till the morning. In the morning we had our Confirmation ( a Catholic sacrament) us both being Catholic we both wanted to get married in a Catholic church. We attended classes for months to prepare for this. It confirmed not only our ability to get married in a church, but our own personal faith. He refused to go and I still went alone. I was sad and said before I left maybe we just need to delay the wedding and have some space. He agreed and I took some of my clothes and left for the ceremony at the church. Later I was at the celebration party with my family when he called. He told me to come get all my personal possessions and that they were by the door. I was distraught. I brought my younger cousin to come help me grab my things. When I arrived, his best friend was on our couch wispering to me what happened? I said I dont know its him and his best friend agreed with me in confusion without letting my ex fian’ce see. My ex was sweating and seemed kind of like he had lost it I was sad and remained quiet. He was throwing my things quickly into bags saying I just want to get this overwith and slammed the door in my face and said have a nice life as I left. I tried so hard not to cry and I remained emotionless. I moved in with my parents and prepared to still move to Florida. When I called to work things out with my a couple times it seems as though hes a different person. He bragged about not being uspet over the phone and bragged about not crying. I moved down to Florida and still live here currently. The last time I talked to him was less than 7 months ago. (3 months after we split up.) He said if I moved back to NH he would still marry me but I said no. Not after the way things worked out and how he treated me. He said well then I never want to talk to you again and that was it. Since then I fell into two terrible rebound relationships that were not needed and i have now been single for 6 months. I go talk to a counselor and see a psychiatrist for axiety,ADHD,PTSD. I still feel lost and since I feel as though i have experienced so much, I feel like lots don’t fully understand how all this a effected me. I still to this day check his Facebook and I know its wrong. He still writes about his old GF that passed away and says that he thiks about her everyday, and has always unconditionally loved her from day one, and she was the only one who made him feel that way. I think I need to love myself again. I just still feel bruised and want to overcome this pain. I feel guilt, anxiety, and loss. I know it’s not right to look into what he is doing. I just feel like it ended so abruptly. – Brittany

I am 22 yrs old. I have been reading your writings and I believe you may be able to help me. When I was 17 my best friend from childhood asked me to prom as a friend. I went cause he had just gone through a break up and I wanted to support him. He also had a twin brother (my other best friend). We were all so close we worked together , grew up together, families were even friends. That night he raped me twice taking my virginity. I went home the next morning only remember bits and pieces not remembering alot really scared me. I went to the hospital and had enough information to press charges, but all the history we had and given the trust I thought I had, I could’nt go through with it. Even looking at him would make me so sick. At that point, we had already been living in another town, so I felt safe finishing up high school. I went to the guidance counselor everyday, and I believe that helped me alot. After awhile, I dated guys but nothing serious. Just hanging out. Right out of high school I met a very sweet guy who was a little older than I and we dated for almost 3 years. He was my first “intimately”. I questioned his honesty at times and thought it was wrong and unfair, because I was bringing mistrust from past occurances. It turns out he secretly was on local chat/ video porn sites often (addict), still fantisized about exes, and even was interested in both sexes. I found this out after two years of being together and left him right away. At that point we had been living together for two years and had the same group of friends. I moved out of town about 1 hr away, closer to my collage and family. During my previous two year relationship I had a male friend I had worked with, who had always been interested in me, but I had remained faithful to my previous ex. He came into my workplace 2 months after my break up, and invited me to hang out. After 1 month we were dating. He was very sweet, and we had alot of common interests. The only things that concerned me were his parents having alot of say and influence over his choices, and he had a past relationship that was 7 months long but tragically his girlfriend passed away at 19 from an accident. It had been 3 yrs since her passing and I felt like he may have had lots of coping to do. We had talked about it, early on in the relationship in fact before we started dating. He seemed closed off on the subject , but after 6 months had passed he was accepting and coping and would talk about it more freely. I was sad because I felt at times as though I were compaired to someone who has passed on and felt as though you cannot compete with something like that. It would make me feel uncomfortable. We lived with his father for awhile, he had a drinking problem, and was very nosey. His dad had some issues with me I feel because when his son and I started dating, they would not spend as much time together. I stayed out of their arguments and we finally moved into our own apartment. The weird thing was his moms apartment happened to be right down the hall. After about 2 years of dating and 3 months in our own place he proposed. Everything seemed perfect we both had good carreers, our families were excited, and everything after a couple months was planned. The wedding date was set, we would move from NH to FL, and things were all paid for. We flew down to Florida to find a place and jobs two months before we were to be married. When we arrived FL we even found jobs and a place to live. We were driving back up with my grandparents in the car when out of the blue he said ” I dont think I can do this anymore.” I was shocked but tried to remain calm till we were back home in NH. We got back to the apartment that night and he apoligized but looked overwhelmed. I figured we would sleep it off and wait till the morning. In the morning we had our Confirmation ( a Catholic sacrament) us both being Catholic we both wanted to get married in a Catholic church. We attended classes for months to prepare for this. It confirmed not only our ability to get married in a church, but our own personal faith. He refused to go and I still went alone. I was sad and said before I left maybe we just need to delay the wedding and have some space. He agreed and I took some of my clothes and left for the ceremony at the church. Later I was at the celebration party with my family when he called. He told me to come get all my personal possessions and that they were by the door. I was distraught. I brought my younger cousin to come help me grab my things. When I arrived, his best friend was on our couch wispering to me what happened? I said I dont know its him and his best friend agreed with me in confusion without letting my ex fian’ce see. My ex was sweating and seemed kind of like he had lost it I was sad and remained quiet. He was throwing my things quickly into bags saying I just want to get this overwith and slammed the door in my face and said have a nice life as I left. I tried so hard not to cry and I remained emotionless. I moved in with my parents and prepared to still move to Florida. When I called to work things out with my a couple times it seems as though hes a different person. He bragged about not being uspet over the phone and bragged about not crying. I moved down to Florida and still live here currently. The last time I talked to him was less than 7 months ago. (3 months after we split up.) He said if I moved back to NH he would still marry me but I said no. Not after the way things worked out and how he treated me. He said well then I never want to talk to you again and that was it. Since then I fell into two terrible rebound relationships that were not needed and i have now been single for 6 months. I go talk to a counselor and see a psychiatrist for axiety,ADHD,PTSD. I still feel lost and since I feel as though i have experienced so much, I feel like lots don’t fully understand how all this a effected me. I still to this day check his Facebook and I know its wrong. He still writes about his old GF that passed away and says that he thiks about her everyday, and has always unconditionally loved her from day one, and she was the only one who made him feel that way. I think I need to love myself again. I just still feel bruised and want to overcome this pain. I feel guilt, anxiety,loss.

I came in touch with a guy Through orkut..we used to be net friend..later on i have fallen for him..we used to talk for hours..(More than 2 yrs )one day he left me by saying i am over emotional and Senstive he was just flirting around… After that every day i cry.. i am not able to forgive him..i dont know watz going wrong with me ..its been 9 Months since we haven’t talked ..he has moved on..he has changed his Mobile number..he is not repliyng to my mails.. now i am completely shatterd..i am not able to concentrate on my work..i dont feel like talking to anyone..i dont know why the hell iam feeling so much for this relation..please tell me how to get over with this..

Thank you!

Dear Dee,

it’s interesting and ironic that when someone truly loves us we are afraid – we are afraid of being loved back.
It’s not just that you are “used to getting hurt”; it is deeper – you don’t subconsciously believe that you deserve to be loved. Consider the two following questions:

Why do you not feel worthy of love?
Why are you worthy of love?

You must come up with reasons why you are worthy of being loved – your qualities – everything that makes you unique, valuable and special.
Also, ponder about how selfish you are – when, you don’t allow him to love you. Imagine reaching out to stroke, caress and love a sweet animal and she pushes you away, barks or bites you… Be the pet that allows herself to be loved!
I don’t know why I chose the pet example, but, it came to me! LOL
If you are still struggling or want to clear out a specific issue from the past that affects your feelings of worthiness, consider a private session with me.
https://patrickwanis.com/blog/PhoneConsultations.asp

Either way, feel free to let me know how you are doing.
All the best,
Patrick

I am going to lose a great guy because of my baggage. We have be dealing with each other for a year now. We are trying to see where we can go with possibly a relationship. But everytime we have a disagreement i break it off due to the fact that i am scared of heartbreak..he hasnt done anything wrong exactly, but Im not familiar with someone so genuine someone interested in me not only the physical part of me…its scary and i pull back because i dont want to be hurt…im used to getting hurt. And i dont know how to let go of the past and not bring it into my.present. I have no idea where to start. Can u help me?