In my last Success Newsletter “How men control women via the power struggle” I spoke about the power struggle that exists between men and women:
Men often try to control the woman by putting her down and breaking her self-esteem with the intention of attaching how she feels to what the man says about her, so that she becomes hooked and won’t leave him.
Today, I want to talk about how men can overcome this need or addiction to trying to control the woman and how they can instead tap into their real strength which will turn a woman on instead of off, and I will talk about how a woman can assist the man to stop engaging in this destructive behavior.
One of our greatest fears is rejection and we will often do whatever is necessary to protect ourselves from the pain and hurt of rejection. Many men falsely believe that their strength lays in showing no emotion, being tough, cold and even harsh. Further by continually criticizing the woman the man hopes to escape his own pain, self-doubt and fear of rejection. Only when he can face his fear can he overcome it. Only when he can admit to himself that he might have some self-doubt can he conquer it and allow the woman to support him and create a safe place where he can fully express his emotions.
Intimacy can also be defined as “into-me-you-see.” In other words, “I now choose to bare myself, to open up to you completely.” This is true commitment and real strength. Courage is to act in spite of fear. It is not the lack of fear. Women are innately more attracted to the man who can reveal himself emotionally and be aware of all of his real feelings. When a man is not in touch with what he is feeling, he will tend to automatically respond with anger and rage or some other destructive emotion.
Real strength then lays in acknowledging what you feel, what you fear and acting in spite of it. The triumph of the human spirit is not about not failing or falling down. Instead it is about falling down and getting back up. Our greatest heroes are those who feel the pain, the fear and the failure but rise up again and again.
For men to overcome the need to succumb to playing The Power Struggle in relationships, they must first be honest with themselves about their own fear and self-doubt, trust the woman to share with her their feelings, open up and become vulnerable, trust her and stop trying to falsely build themselves up by putting the woman down. Further, place emphasis and energy building your own self-esteem and self-worth rather than trying to tear hers down. The irony is that the more you open up and accept yourself, the greater confidence that you will have and exude to other people.
Ladies: you can assist the man by creating a safe place in the relationship by reassuring him how much he means to you, how much you love him, how important and significant he is and also by praising him openly and gently encouraging him to trust you with his feelings. Ladies: remember also men need to feel needed. Allow them to help and support you. Stop trying to do everything on your own.
Men: one final secret: if you want the woman to be hooked to you, build her up, encourage, love, support her and show her appreciation. Then she will feel fantastic about herself and will associate those phenomenal feelings with you and want to be with you rather than struggling to break loose from you.
You can watch a couple of powerful and detailed TV interviews that I have recently given on this topic that are now up on my website -video clips link. And in my new audio book, “Get the man you WANT!” I reveal various techniques to help men and women to break loose from The Power Struggle and how to build yourself up. You can also use my powerful and transformational hypnosis audio program, “Feel Good About Yourself!”
Thank you to all the people who write to me. I do read all your emails and simply request that you appreciate that it is not always possible for me to write back to everyone because of time, traveling and scheduling constraints.
I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist
www.patrickwanis.com
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.