The Secret to Upselling Yourself

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the secret to upselling yourself in every area of life, including relationships.

First a quick update:

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Brad Pitt recently revealed that while married to Jennifer Anniston, he was wasting his life and his life had no meaning,  Read the insights I gave to FOXnews.com about his responses here.

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Now, let’s talk about the secret to upselling yourself in every area of life, including relationships..

Upselling is sales strategy designed to convince the customer to purchase more expensive items, upgrades, or other add-ons with the intention of making a larger and more profitable sale. An example is warranties that are sold on electronics purchases; another example might be the offer to purchase a carwash after you have purchased gas at the gas station.

Ultimately, the salesperson is convincing you to spend more, to invest more in a specific sale/transaction.

In last week’s Newsletter “The Secret to total freedom and empowerment”  I included a quote by American psychologist, Abraham Maslow:

“The story of the human race is the story of men and women selling themselves short.”

Most people sell themselves short because they don’t believe they are worthy or good enough. Accordingly, they never get to upsell themselves because they are often discounting themselves.

Have you ever wondered “What is the real difference between someone who commands minimum wages per hour and someone who commands thousands of dollars per hour?”

Obviously, the more value you can bring to the marketplace, the easier it is to command a higher salary/earning. For example, an author earns royalties on his/her book because the value he/she brings to the market is multiplied thousands of times. The same applies to a musical artist or even a person who creates Apps for a Smartphone.

But why does one person feel comfortable earning minimum wages and another feel comfortable earning thousands per hour?

The answer is simply what one believes he or she is worth; what his/her real value is.

However, ‘value’ and ‘worth’ do not only apply to the marketplace, they also apply to every area in life including relationships.

One client called me because she was distressed and trembling because of the harsh way her sister had spoken to her – condemning and criticizing her – ‘I am disappointed in you…you are selfish…etc’

When I suggested she stand up to her sister and tell her that she won’t accept the way she talks to her or the way she continues to put her down, my client said:

“No. I can’t do that. I am afraid of confrontation”

‘Are you sure it is confrontation you fear or is it something else? Could it be what she will say to you or what you might say to her?’

She paused and then opened up further to reveal she was plagued by both guilt and repressed anger for the horrible way her sister had treated her over the years (and angry at herself for letting her sister devalue her.)

“I am afraid I will explode. She makes me feel guilty and question myself but I am also full of rage at her and I have held it inside for so many years.”

‘Why do you feel guilty? What do you feel guilty about? Obviously your sister knows how to manipulate, control and intimidate you.’

“Well I want to do it right and I want to impress her.”

‘That’s why she uses the words “disappointed in you”; she senses your subconscious desire to “impress” her and she uses it against you. The very fact that you are trying to impress her implies you are desperate, needy or you don’t value yourself; you value her judgment of you. If you value yourself, then you will tell her that you respect her needs and feelings as well as the stress she is undergoing with plans for the wedding but you won’t allow her to project the stress and anxiety onto you or allow her to talk down to you or blame you for her mistakes.’

My client went away and pondered what I suggested and contacted me a few hours later to alert me that my words had sunk in; she had simply not believed that she was good enough and valuable, and that’s why she allowed her sister up to this point to treat her so poorly.

Another client shared that her relationship with her husband was in trouble.

“In the past year, I just haven’t been happy. I have everything and he treats me so well, so I don’t know why I am not happy. I am always hiding from everyone and I am always secretive.”

As she continued to explain her situation, she was mumbling and saying things that didn’t appear to be related until she said:

“Maybe I don’t deserve this…”
‘Stop!
Did you hear what you just said? “Maybe I don’t deserve this.”
Why do you think you don’t deserve to be treated well, to have everything you say you have always wanted?’
“I don’t’ know.”
“You don’t consciously know but you do know subconsciously.’

In the same session, I was able to help her reveal that as a child she felt alone and sad; her mother and father were always busy and she was often left alone. Eventually, via the process and technique I use (SRTT) she revealed one of her core beliefs:

“If they didn’t want me, why did they have me? I am not good enough or loveable.”

Through the unique and powerful process of SRTT, I was able to help her release the emotion, gain new perspective about why her parents acted the way they did and thus believe that she is loveable and valuable.

Suddenly, she had a new lease on life. She felt worthy of the good things; worthy of being happy and able to enjoy the good things. She finally was beginning to recognize her true value.

Being able to upsell oneself involves taking action externally, and internally changing the subconscious belief about one’s value. Thus, in the case of the girl and her sister, she had to take action to speak up to her sister and place the limits and boundaries, as well as do the internal work to stop trying to impress other people and to, instead, believe in her own worthiness and value.

It’s also critical to understand that people naturally read the subconscious messages we send out (just the same way the girl’s sister read that she was desperately trying to impress her.) Accordingly, if you want to know what you believe about yourself, look at the way people treat you. No, you are not to blame, unless you are openly allowing people to discount your value and to abuse you, but, you can change your reality by taking action and by changing your subconscious beliefs. Remember, we teach people how to treat us. Begin today to truly value and upsell yourself! Take action and transform your subconscious beliefs

Watch this video and then this one: “Self-sabotage and Law of Deservedness”.

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
www.patrickwanis.com