Honestly, if you’re invited somewhere for Thanksgiving, and you know you’re going to be around a person you’re not fond of, and this is for good reason, it’s simple – don’t go. Why feel obligated to do things that aren’t good for you? Personally, I think the resentment just increases by going to such a gathering, because a) you’re going and you don’t want to, and b) you don’t want to see a certain person and you have to have the added burden of interacting with that person and restraining yourself from confronting them when everyone is supposed to be jolly.

Granted, IF it’s possible that that other person isn’t someone who will start with you and he’ll ignore you, and you’ll ignore him, then that’s a liveable peace. Only in that circumstance, if you know that everything else about being there will turn out well, and you can peacefully ignore each other, then the option of going may be feasible.

I think most people know when they are being nasty to you and it’s a bit naive to think that they aren’t aware that they are treating you badly because they weren’t taught better. I do agree that they aren’t making us do anything; our reaction is ours, but I don’t see the point of putting up with someone’s noxious and obnoxious behavior if it’s an emotional burden on you. You can simply cut them off if your life will be smoother for it. Obviously, it’s your choice, just like it’s the choice of that other person to continually treat you badly. Being family or a close friend doesn’t exonerate them from being amicable and we don’t have to take it.

My idea of forgiveness with relationships is the past is the past, but I can control the present and future, and if that person is persistent in being bad to me, I don’t have to deal with them anymore, and that’s letting go. I can’t let go of a bad emotion if I keep putting myself in a situation where I’m dealing with someone that’s adversarial towards me, and then having to be a “miss nice guy” lol.

Resentment is a strong albeit toxic emotion and usually happens over significant and continual things. I think forgiveness in the sense of forgetting about it and being all loving, is just a form of suppressing it.