What Is Authentic Connection? 5 Tips To Quickly & Deeply Connect

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal what authentic connection is and 5 ways to quickly and meaningfully connect with others.

First a quick update:

The Breakup Test
Are you heartbroken, angry, lost, lonely, confused, depressed, hung up, or pining over your ex? Do you know how your ex is truly affecting you and do you want to benefit from personalized advice, action steps and revelations? Take my free breakup test and get your own personalized report.

Your Debt Is The New Deal Breaker
What is your deal breaker? Well, there’s a new deal breaker – your debt! It seems that when it comes time to romantic relationships, people do care about debt – the type and the amount of debt. Watch my video 

Now, let’s talk about authentic connection and the 5 ways to quickly and deeply connect with others.

In my article Why You Really Do Need Other People – Power of Social Connections I reveal that we are all hardwired for connection and that social connection is critical to happiness and health: your sense of self-worth is linked to your social standing more than your wealth, and social rejection feels like real pain because the brain processes it that way! Yes, ‘heartache from love’ feels like real heartache!

Conversely, research reveals that surrounding yourself with people you love actually reduces pain.

So what does ‘connection’ really mean?

Connection is the opposite of isolation.

Connection is defined as “something is linked or associated with another or there is a relationship between two or more things.”

Connection is the bond between two people. The bond is based on sharing and exchanging. Sharing and exchanging can only occur if there is authentic intimacy.

Intimacy or into-me-you-see is nakedness in all its forms and meanings – physical nakedness, emotional nakedness, mental nakedness.

To be naked infers there is no covering, no masking, no hiding of your authentic self.

Nakedness in all its forms is vulnerability.

Further, we connect with other people by sharing and establishing what we have in common or the way that our differences make us unique and yet bring us together because of a willingness to understand and accept those differences.

We connect by sharing ourselves and being willing to make the other person feel significant.

Before I reveal 5 tips to quickly and deeply connect with others, here are the 3 key forms of authentic connection.

Emotional Nakedness
To be emotionally naked (emotionally intimate) means that you openly share your thoughts and feelings with your partner; you freely discuss your story, history, dreams, hopes, desires, concerns and fears; you freely express the depth of the love you feel for your partner along with any fears or doubts.

Further, being emotionally naked implies being vulnerable – being willing to share your deepest fears and longings without trying to put on a mask or false image.

Blocks to Emotional Nakedness:
Fear of rejection or being hurt; negative emotions towards your partner; feelings of worthlessness. The only way to overcome fear is to act in spite of it and take small steps.

Physical & Sexual Nakedness
The physical aspect of intimacy involves two elements: 1. physical touch without a sexual objective and; 2. the act of sex or lovemaking.

Physical touch is the act of tenderness and physical caring or physical play – of affection, caress, holding, hugging, stroking, massaging, holding hands, cuddling, massaging, and so forth. Again, the intention of physical touch is not to lead to sex but rather to express caring, love, warmth, humor, concern and bonding. For many people, it is more challenging to be ‘naked’ with physical tenderness and touch than it is to engage in the act of sex. Being physically intimate requires greater vulnerability than being sexually intimate. For example, one client related to me that her husband freezes when she tries to be tender and affectionate but he has no problem being sexually intimate.

Often for men, physical intimacy in the form of sex is an expression that can lead to emotional intimacy. Men will express their love and connection through sex, although its not limited to that for men.

Blocks to Physical & Sexual Nakedness:
Negative emotions towards your partner; subconscious programming to withhold love, affection and emotional expression; fear of sexual performance; past physical or sexual abuse and trauma; self-judgment about your body.

Mental/Intellectual Nakedness/Intimacy
Mental and intellectual intimacy is built upon the exchange of thoughts and ideas – revealing your core values, motivators, interests, hobbies, passions, perspective, songs, books, and so forth.

Blocks to mental/intellectual nakedness/intimacy:
Clashing values & temperament with your partner; false belief ‘no one cares or understands me’; fear of rejection; feelings of intellectual superiority.

5 Ways to Connect
Have you ever noticed how quickly and easily children connect with other children? First and foremost, they are willing to take a risk, be vulnerable and reach out to connect with others. Children are the ideal model for learning or relearning how to connect.

1. Ask
Express curiosity. Children will just ask whatever comes to their mind. Show sincere concern and a desire to know the other person by asking questions.

2. Listen
Be open to learning. Children will listen because they are curious and want to learn and understand the world and people around them. Listen attentively and actively; ask follow-up questions, which shows that you are listening and interested in knowing more; beware of judging.

3. Share
Express your perspective. Children speak in literal terms and clearly state what’s on their mind; they openly express vulnerability and authenticity. Share your thoughts about things. Be complete – avoid holding back out of fear.

4. Affirm
Relay and express what you have in common (desires, interests) and affirm or validate the other person even if you don’t agree. Children will openly tell you how much they like you or not, and they will openly express enthusiasm for time spent with you, and they will extend empathy and compassion to you.

5. Emote
Express your thoughts, questions and perspectives with emotion. Children don’t filter what they feel so you will always know whether they are excited or turned off by something; again, they openly reveal their vulnerabilities.

Finally, remember connecting doesn’t mean exchanging snippets of facts via social media and; everyone is seeking to make real and meaningful connections!

If you need personal help to overcome blocks to expressing intimacy, being vulnerable or making authentic connections, book a one-on-one session with me.

You can add to the conversation below.

If this newsletter was forwarded to you and would like to receive all of my newsletters please enter your email address on the home page at PatrickWanis.com.

I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist