In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the 7 steps to help you to feel good and alive again when you miss someone who has gone from your life.
First a quick update:
The Breakup Test
Are you heartbroken, angry, lost, lonely, confused, depressed, hung up, or pining over your ex? Do you know how your ex is truly affecting you and do you want to benefit from personalized advice, action steps and revelations? Take my free breakup test and get your own personalized report.
What Will Be Your Greatest Regret In Life?
At the end of your life, what will you regret? Will you regret what you did or what you didn’t do? Watch my video and see what I predict will be your greatest regret and how you can prevent that from happening right now!
Now, let’s talk about the 7 steps to help you to feel good and alive again when you miss someone who has gone from your life.
Every one of us will experience the loss of someone important in our life. Perhaps, it will be through death, a breakup, growing apart or even just moving somewhere far away. Here are 7 steps to help you to overcome the loss and renew your life.
1. Hiding: Don’t isolate or hibernate
It is natural when you miss someone and you are feeling pain that you will want to hide, isolate or simply hibernate inside your home or bedroom. It is okay to isolate yourself for a short while in order to process your emotions or if you are feeling overwhelmed. However, if you choose to hibernate and isolate yourself for a long time, you will only make things worse for yourself because you will not be able to overcome the painful emotions, and you will end up feeling lonelier, more hopeless and depressed.
2. Distraction: Don’t distract yourself
Although some people will tell you to distract yourself, this is not a good strategy. Distracting yourself with various activities does not help to resolve the pain and you will still feel the pain when you’re alone or when you go to sleep.
3. Escape: Don’t’ escape the feelings
Trying to escape painful feelings does not rid you of the pain and it only serves to convince you that you can’t handle the pain or loss.
Further, using drugs alcohol or engaging in other obsessive behavior to escape painful feelings will most likely create more trouble. In other words, instead of helping you it will only be more harmful to you physically, mentally and emotionally i.e. you will push your body, run yourself down or you will perhaps engage in behavior and drugs that could become addictive.
4. Quality/Goals: Identify what you really miss
What do you really miss about this person? I recall one time, many years ago, missing an ex-girlfriend, and upon further contemplation, I realized that what I really missed at the time was having someone to love even more than I actually missed who she is.
Accordingly, get clear if you are missing the person (their personality, temperament, character, values, smile, laughter, presence, touch, kiss, caress, etc.) or things you did with him or her (the companionship, friendship, love, support, guidance, intimacy) or the future you planned, or perhaps something else. Are you missing this person just because you’re feeling alone or lonely or do you miss who you were in their presence?
5. Emotions: What are you truly feeling?
Sadness is triggered by a sense of loss. Sadness, therefore, is the most common emotion that is experienced when someone is gone from your life. However, the circumstances surrounding the loss of this person will determine the type and range of emotions you will feel such as anger, shock, disbelief, failure, despair, guilt, shame and embarrassment. Beware if you are feeling guilty and therefore subconsciously sabotaging yourself.
Although you can share your feelings by speaking with someone, one of the most effective ways to process your emotions is to hand write them. That means, use a pen and paper, not a computer. Find yourself a quiet place, dim the lights and even play some gentle music and begin to write everything that you feel and everything that comes to your mind. Next, create a second section to write what you miss about this person.
“…the sad part is, that I will probably end up loving you without you for much longer than I loved you when I knew you.
Some people might find that strange.
But the truth of it is that the amount of love you feel for someone and the impact they have on you as a person, is in no way relative to the amount of time you have known them.”
― Ranata Suzuki
6. Gratitude: The Antidote
It is common that when you miss someone you will be wallowing and focusing on all the pain and all the things that you can’t do or have with the person you miss. The ultimate antidote is to express gratitude, to express sincere, deep, heartfelt thankfulness for the good times and the memories and all the specific ways that this person contributed to your life and to who you are now. When you open your heart and go into that space of gratitude, you will recreate within you all the great feelings that you experienced with that person. Gratitude also helps you to understand the extraordinary contribution and gift that this person gave to you. I recall finding gratitude for an ex-girlfriend because of the love and level of acceptance she had offered me.
7. Hope: Recreate your life
Two of the most rousing and galvanizing emotions we experience in life are hope and gratitude. Hope is not just a wish, a desire, blind faith or a delusion. Hope is an empowering emotion that occurs when you have a plan and when you believe the you can bring that plan to reality, bring your goals and dreams to fruition.
I recall overcoming hopelessness over a breakup when I was willing to accept that I had chosen to believe that without her I could never be happy or find someone to love me again.
Build new connections with people, ask for support, and allow others to support you. Give support to others who are experiencing the same thing as you and you will be surprised that the insights that you share with others will also apply to you. In other words, one of the best ways to become a student is to actually become a teacher.
Take action to create the life that you want. Focus on developing new skills, engaging in favorite hobbies, and also take care of your body with exercise meditation and yoga. Remember, love is wanting the best for the other person. What would this person want for you? Will you choose the best for you and follow through to make it a reality?
If you need help to believe to overcome loss and the painful emotions and to feel alive again, book a one-on-one session with me.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.