Your personality & ideal match

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal secrets about the four key personality types and their compatibility.

First a quick update:

“Does your marriage or relationship suffer from The Putt Putt Syndrome?”
I have been appointed the exclusive relationship expert for the new movie, “The Putt Putt Syndrome.” What is it? How do you prevent it? How do you get out of it? Listen to the interview I gave to Joanie Winberg CEO of the National Association of Divorce for Women and Children and host of “Single Again! Now What?” Talk Radio Show. I discuss the syndrome and how to get out of it.

Now, let’s talk about personalities and compatibility.

When it comes to attraction, there are many factors that determine the magnetism and subsequent compatibility of two people in a relationship. Of course, the type of relationship (business, social or romantic) will determine the factors behind attraction and compatibility.

Some of the factors involved in attraction include:

Physical

Mental

Emotional

Spiritual

Biological

Cultural

Biological attraction refers to one of the few aspects of our brain that is truly hardwired. For example, we have a type of DNA of our immune system known as Major Histocompatibility Complex (MHC.) Research shows that the more opposite the immune system, the more we will unconsciously be attracted to the other person because two people with opposite immune genes will produce healthy offspring with an even stronger resulting immune system. Incidentally, although it is not fully clear, research suggests that we recognize each other’s immune genes via smell; we literally sniff out each other – although it is an unconscious action.

In that sense, the expression, “Opposites attract” is actually quite accurate. But that wonderful catchphrase can also be quite misleading. As I explained in a Success Newsletter, from October 22, 2008 – “What do you value?”, it is critical to the success and longevity of a relationship that a couple’s core values are the same; that they match. Clashing values lead to the breakdown of relationships, friendships and businesses. Identical or complimentary values lead to flourishing relationships in all areas of life.

So other than biology, where else does the phrase “Opposites attract” apply?

Surprisingly, it applies to temperament and personality. There are many different personality tests and almost every test divides personality into 4 categories. The oldest test known is “The Four Temperaments” (Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy and Phlegmatic or Talker, Doer, Thinker and Watcher).

The Talker and Doer are extroverts and the Thinker and Watcher are introverts.

Here is a summary some of the characteristics of each of the personality types followed by a discussion about compatibility:

Sanguine – Talker

The Talker is expressive and seeks praise. He is an extrovert who reacts to problems and manipulates others. He is outgoing, emotionally demonstrative and makes friends easily. He also falls in love easily and is the life of the party. The Talker is enthusiastic, a storyteller, an optimist who turns disaster into humor and is creative, colorful and eternally a child.

Some of the Talker’s weaknesses include being egotistical and exaggerating. The Talker needs to be center stage, doesn’t listen well and tends to interrupt conversations.

Choleric – Doer

The Doer is a driver and seeks power. He is an extrovert who reacts to problems in a practical manner and who dominates others. He is pushy, emotionally controlled and doesn’t makes friends easily. He falls in love infrequently and is a born leader. The Doer is dynamic and active, an organizer, an optimist who thrives on challenges, enjoys controlling and excels in emergencies.

Some of the Doer’s weaknesses include being bossy and quick-tempered. The Doer is demanding at work, dominates others and tends to express that he knows everything.

Melancholy – Thinker

The Thinker is analytical and seeks perfection. He is an introvert who is persistent in solving problems and who tends to be inflexible in the way he handles others. He is critical, emotionally deep and makes friends cautiously. He falls in love cautiously, is analytical and deep and thoughtful. The Thinker is conscientious, pessimistic, and compassionate; he avoids attention and sacrifices his will for others.

Some of the Thinker’s weaknesses include being moody and depressed, and he enjoys being hurt. The Thinker is a perfectionist with extremely high standards, critical, suspicious and unforgiving.

Phlegmatic – Watcher

The Watcher is amiable and seeks pleasantness. He is an introvert who handles problems permissively, avoids confrontation, and tends to conform to other people. He is hesitant, emotionally sympathetic and makes friends easily. He falls in love eagerly, is patient, calm and steady. The Watcher is a good listener, a pessimist, compassionate and caring but keeps his emotions hidden.

Some of the Watcher’s weaknesses include being unenthusiastic, fearful and worried. The Watcher is lenient with discipline, lacks motivation, judges others and is resistant to change.

Before discussing compatibility and personality, it is important to remember to be wary that one does not use his or her personality or temperament as an excuse for either poor behavior or a reason to avoid improving upon one’s weaknesses. I do believe we have the ability to change many aspects of our behavior and temperament.

The greater understanding you have of your own personality and that of other people, the greater success you can have in relationships. For example, when dealing with a Talker personality (who seeks praise), it is best to praise them for everything that they accomplish and understand that it is natural for them to make fun out of things that might be embarrassing to others.

In my audio CD personality test “Who Are You? Talker, Doer, Thinker or Watcher?”, I revealed in detail the secrets to getting along with each personality type and how to motivate each personality type. Meanwhile, let’s discuss briefly the key aspects of compatibility.

The Talker and Doer are extroverts and the Thinker and Watcher are introverts. The extrovert personality is energized by being around lots of people, while the introvert avoids lots of people and is energized by quiet time. Of course, we all need some quiet time. An example of the dynamic between these personalities in a relationship is when the man (Talker) loves to entertain and have lots of people over, and the wife (Thinker) says, “I need to escape. I am going over to mom’s place.”

Opposite personalities can truly complement each other as long as they are not extreme opposites. For example, a person who scores extremely high on the Watcher scale would not have a good relationship with a person who scores extremely high on the Talker scale. Why? The Talker would accuse the Watcher of being boring because the Watcher would not want to participate in activities nor be enthusiastic; the Watcher would complain that the extreme Talker can never relax or be happy with them spending lots of alone time.

And if you were to have a couple with identical personalities, the result would also be disastrous; two Doers would be fighting about who is the boss, and their arguments would be excessive because they are both hot-headed. Two Watchers would just sit around and never participate in any activity and would probably depress each other. Two Talkers would be competing and fighting to get attention and center stage. Two Thinkers would be stuck in their head and probably exaggerate each other’s moodiness.

Thus answer to true compatibility is balance, whereby two personalities complement each other and allow each person to fully express themselves.

In my audio CD/MP3 program personality test “Who Are You? Talker, Doer, Thinker or Watcher?”, I explain in detail each of the four personality types: emotions and the way each one behaves as a child, parent, friend and worker. I explain what each personality type needs, how to get along with each type, how to motivate them and reveal powerful tips for compatibility and happiness in relationships and couplings.

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist
www.patrickwanis.com