Soul Mates: Discovering, Sharing and Loving
Also read Patrick Wanis’ follow up book, “SOUL MATES –Find Your Perfect Match Now!”
In 1955, the Platters had a huge hit with one of the most romantic songs of all time – Only You. The song sums up many people’s romantic beliefs about a soul mate – only you can thrill me…only you can fill my heart with love…you are my destiny…you are my dream come true.
Many of us believe that there is, indeed, one person who is destined to be with us, fill our every need, complete us and make us eternally happy – a soul mate.
But do we have just one soul mate, and is our soul mate always of the opposite sex? Is our soul mate someone who thinks the way we do, loves the things we love and believes in us? How do we find the name of soul mate? And how do we recognize and find our soul mate?
In this book, I explore the idea of soul mates and explain how to find yours – and a life of love and happiness.
-Discovering, Sharing & Loving
-By Patrick Wanis
WOW Media, 2004
Only you 6
What is a soul mate? 8
How to recognize your soul mate 17
Where to find your soul mate 24
How to attract your soul mate 29
Do opposites attract? 33
When you find your soul mate 44
Advice for soul mates 60
Love nourishes the soul 68
About the author 74
by Patrick Wanis
WHAT IS A SOUL MATE
DEFINING THE SOUL
The difference between the soul and spirit…
Here are some types of soul mates:
The concept of a romantic soul mate, the one person who can complete us (our missing half), dates back to 360 B.C. when the Greek philosopher Plato told his story of creation in the Symposium…ETERNAL SOUL MATES
The concept that there is an eternal bond and love between two people that crosses time, distance, suffering and all obstacles…
TWIN SOULS – TWIN FLAMES
Another concept of the soul mate relates to the belief that two people who knew each other in a former life are almost mirror images of each other in this life…
Some people believe we return to earth in human form many times so we can learn lessons in each lifetime that will help us to grow and eventually return to God…
This person might be a kind, encouraging teacher who demonstrates with positive example, offering us guidance and advice, even acting as a mentor. Or this Karmic Partnership soul mate might be an enemy or someone who simply presents us with many challenges, pushing our buttons and forcing us to deal with our issues…This relationship may or may not involve a romantic partnership.
ONE TRUE LOVE
The final concept is that our soul mate is predestined – that our true love was already made in heaven. The 1987 movie Made in Heaven expresses the dream of finding that one true love….
…In its exploration of our deep desire to find one true love, the story also reflects a fear common for many of us – time is running out and we may never find our soul mate.
…This illustrates the concept that soul mates have been each other’s true love in a previous life, so they feel deeply connected in this one.
HOW TO RECOGNIZE YOUR SOUL MATE
With so many definitions, concepts and beliefs about what a soul mate is, how can we know which one is correct? Or if, in fact, there is just one soul mate for each one of us?
All of the soul mate concepts have one thing in common…
But we still need clarification and help to recognize our soul mate.
Here is the key – right now in your life you are surrounded by a number of soul mates – generally five…
These soul mates are…
…These are the people who love you, challenge you, teach you, support you, honor you, encourage you, serve you and help you directly or indirectly to learn more about your true nature and essence – love.
These are the people who have the greatest emotional impact on you…
Soul mates help each other grow…
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT
Almost everyone has experienced love at first sight. You meet or see someone for the first time, you may not even have spoken yet and somehow you feel a strange inexplicable attraction.
There is a fascination not based on physical attraction. You feel a bond, a connection, an affinity – almost as if you already know each other…
You might find yourself saying the following:
- “I know we’ve just met but I feel like I already know you.”
- “I can’t remember a time when I didn’t know you.”
- “It feels like we’ve known each other for years – maybe forever.”
- “When I’m with you I feel complete – as if I’m home.”
- “I can’t imagine my life without you.”
This is what we refer to as the soul connection. It’s the bond that goes beyond physical attraction. It involves a mental, emotional and spiritual connection.
And don’t be surprised if you experience this with someone of the same sex. It may or may not involve obvious romance…
PAST LIFE CONNECTIONS
Because I’m a Clinical Hypnotherapist, many clients have requested that we use hypnotherapy so they can experience Past Life Regression. One was a Mexican man who approached me after one of my hypnosis shows in Cancun. He told me that he believed he and his girlfriend knew each other in a former lifetime.
I hypnotized him, took him back in time, and he was right. Sometime in the 12th century…
Another client who underwent Past Life Regression with me was able to identify almost seven people that she knew in former lives in her present life. One of those included me! I guess that explains why we are now such close friends.
WHERE TO FIND YOUR SOUL MATE
Is there a magic place where your soul mate lays in wait for you?
It is said that you will only find your soul mate once you find yourself.
But what does that mean?
It means that when you’re ready, your soul mate will appear…
Is our love predetermined? Are we destined to be with this one person, our soul mate?
I believe, in every situation – be it romance, career or otherwise – destiny is the opportunity that has been laid out for us. Our fate is determined by how we respond to that opportunity.
FATE AND DESTINY
Fate is the consequence of our actions. Destiny is the predetermined course of events beyond our human power or control…
There is no such thing as chance, fluke or sheer accident…
Understand one thing, though – your destiny won’t occur if you lock yourself inside your house and never venture outside or try new things. You can’t create a positive fate if you don’t respond to opportunities.
HOW TO ATTRACT YOUR SOUL MATE
Once you decide to step out of your comfort zone and meet new people, how will you attract your soul mate? As I said earlier, you first need to find yourself in order to find a soul mate.
Sometime around 600 B.C., one of the Seven Sages inscribed the now famous words Know thyself on the Temple of Delphi in Greece.
Knowing yourself means…
After you really get to know yourself, then you can best identify what you want to find in your soul mate. Begin by…
BECOME THE LOVE YOU WANT
Eric Butterworth is a popular minister who has inspired many people, including Oprah Winfrey.
In his book, Life Is for Loving, Butterworth says, “Love is not to be found. It consists not in finding the right person but in…
…This is the single best key to attracting your romantic soul mate.
DO OPPOSITES ATTRACT?
Many people believe that opposites attract, but this is really not the case. Look at the successful, happy, healthy relationships around you. On the surface you may see a couple who appear to be opposites – she’s artistic, he’s a computer geek; he’s shy and quiet, she’s outgoing and talkative; she loves classical music, he adores rock ’n roll.
So what do these seemingly opposite people have in common? Their values…
That’s why it’s so important to know yourself, to know what you want and to become the kind of person you want to attract.
The significance of common values…
Sharing common values with your soul mate is a foundation of the relationship and a key to recognizing him or her. But that alone is not enough to attract your soul mate.
…the chains that bind your heart and prevent you from freely embracing your soul mate and from freely embracing and expressing love.
The chains are the negative emotions that are the result of all the things that you believe have gone wrong in your life…
Chains lock you in a zone you call comfort. But it’s not comfortable if you can’t do what you truly want, what your heart longs for – to love and be loved.
UNLOCKING THE CHAINS
The key to unlocking your chains is to deal with the past, with your issues. What makes unlocking them such a challenge is their invisibility. Often we don’t even know what our issues are.
Before you can identify your issues, you need to be aware of what emotions you express and when you express them. What people and circumstances push your buttons? …
You need to know what you are feeling. Many of us are not even aware of what we actually feel. We refer to that as not being in touch with our emotions…
Many people express rage but don’t know where it comes from or what its roots are. For example, a man may get very angry at something his wife does. When challenged, he will say that it’s her fault and that she caused it. Is that the truth?
My father refused to accept that he was expressing anger and rage. In his mind, he was justified because my mother was late. Unfortunately, he wasn’t in touch with his emotions or with the cause of his emotions. He didn’t know how to express his true feelings…
After you recognize when and what you feel, you can ask yourself, “Where do those feelings come from?” What are you afraid of and when did you first experience that fear? By identifying the first time you felt an emotion, you can go back and heal that experience and its subsequent effect on you. You can’t change what happened in the past but you can change how you react to it in the present. You can change how you feel and perceive what happened to you in the past…
Dealing with your issues also involves:
- Looking into your heart and identifying which people you need to forgive
- Identifying what you need to forgive yourself for
- Forgiving everyone
- Releasing all negative emotions: shame, blame, guilt, resentment, self-punishment, bitterness, etc
- Loving and accepting yourself as you are
- Ceasing to seek the approval of others and learning to seek your own approval and acceptance
To be limitless in potentiality refers to our ability to forgive and love those who have wronged us and to forgive and love ourselves. This breaks the chains, allowing us to be free to love and be loved.
WHEN YOU FIND YOUR SOUL MATE
Once you believe you have found your soul mate and have entered a relationship, what can you expect? How will your life and world change?
The answer depends on whether or not this person is your soul mate. If you believe you’ve found your soul mate because he or she is perfect, enjoys doing everything you enjoy, thinks the way you think, believes in what you believe in, almost never disagrees with you – then the red flag is already waving and you simply can’t see it. The relationship will not last long at all.
Sample case study:
…The relationship didn’t succeed because she believes there should never be any form of confrontation or disagreement and because she chose not to open up and trust her partner with her innermost feelings, dreams and desires. She was thinking of the relationship as a one-sided affair – What can you do for me? This was a romantic relationship where her feelings were dependent upon what she would receive. She never thought of it as a partnership.
When two soul mates come together, they will form a partnership. They have a sense of equality. Both are growing separately together. The foundation for this partnership is support, safety, trust, openness and honesty.
If you begin the relationship with a façade – acting like someone or something you are not – there can be no partnership and no happiness. In other words, it is extremely critical to the success, growth and happiness of both the individuals and the partnership to be totally open. Intimacy is being able to tell everything to your partner, including your fears.
When you’re in a partnership with your soul mate and you face a challenge, your soul mate is there to support you by listening, guiding, comforting, encouraging and inspiring you…
The ultimate purpose of the partnership is to help you both grow, and experience and express deeper love than you ever have before.
IF YOU’RE MY SOUL MATE, WHY AM I SO MISERABLE?
We all desire a partner who loves, understands and supports us. We desire a partner who will add to our happiness and not make us unhappier then when we were alone.
The trap many people fall into is thinking that if they meet their soul mate, they will both be instantly happy and face no challenges or hurdles. That was the tough lesson my friend was faced with. As long as she continues to reject that lesson, she will never attract into her life her true soul mate…
Nonetheless, if we adjust our expectations and accept that there will be challenging times and some pain, does that imply we should be miserable in the relationship? Definitely not. The relationship is intended to help us grow and blossom like a flower, not choke us like a weed.
We need to be aware of false, unrealistic expectations that set us up for disappointment, heartache, frustration and misery. If you expect another person to be perfect, agree with everything you say and do or meet all your standards, you’ll miss out on the joy that can be had from a relationship. Also, do not expect your partner to make you happy! Read that sentence again…
In a soul mate partnership, the relationship is based on giving as well as receiving…
We also need to be conscious of what the attraction to our partner is based upon…
In a soul mate partnership, spiritual attraction – not physical or financial – is the primary attraction. That implies that the heart connection is the magnet – not the body.
As I explained to my friend, not all of the relationship will be smooth sailing…
This was one of the themes in the movie What Dreams May Come – eternal love that overcomes all obstacles – unconditional love…
WHAT IF MY PARTNER ISN’T MY SOUL MATE?
One of the great fears often expressed to me is, “What do I do if I find out that my husband or wife isn’t my soul mate? What if I married the wrong person?”
The first step is to…
The next step is to understand that…
By seeking the reasons for your initial attraction to your partner, you can identify what were – and possibly still are – your issues. If you chose him or her out of fear, then deal with that issue. If you were simply too young to know what you wanted when you chose this person, then deal with that issue.
As I discussed earlier, opposites do not attract. When you chose your partner, your issue at the time most likely prevented you from attracting your true soul mate. By healing your issues, one of two things will occur:
- Your relationship will flourish because you will be happier with yourself, you will create more love in the relationship and your partner will respond accordingly.
- You’ll become happier, like yourself more and feel less dependent on your partner. You may feel you have outgrown your partner. Remember opposites do not attract.
…If you are miserable in your relationship, change might be a blessing.
CREATING YOUR SOUL MATE
One of the key hallmarks of soul mates is the connection, bond and affinity between two people. They meet and sense that they have known each other before. For this to occur, there would likely be a connection from a former life – a previously shared love and life. In other words, the connection between soul mates had to have a beginning.
If you believe your present partner is not your soul mate, you can still turn your relationship into a soul mate relationship…
- The soul is continually evolving (otherwise there would not be any new souls) and 2. Even soul mates have to work to make a successful relationship.
MAKING THE CONNECTION
The soul mate connection occurs when two people connect on a soul level. That is a much deeper level than just passion and romance. It is more powerful than physical attraction or chemistry. The very essence of our being – our soul, which lives after our body dies – is love. That is the divine aspect of our being – love. When we express love, we are speaking from our soul.
We have all heard the expression “to bare one’s soul.” It’s when you tell your partner everything…
How to overcome: “The biggest fear is that a partner who knows everything about them will reject them.”
We all want to be loved for all that we are – not half or part.
ADVICE FOR SOUL MATES
I teach that there are five ingredients in a healthy relationship – Love, Friendship, Companionship, Sex and Intimacy.
It’s possible to have one element without the others.
After the five major ingredients, there are six other elements that also play a significant role in building and keeping a relationship strong so that both partners feel loved and fulfilled:
(A detailed explanation of those Six Elements)
LOVE NOURISHES THE SOUL
“The greatest lesson you will ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”
This is the essence of our soul and its evolution – to love and be loved. We all long for love and it is love that nourishes the soul.
In his book The Science of Love, Anthony Walsh defines love as “that which satisfies our need to receive and bestow affection and nurturing; to give and be given assurances of value, respect, acceptance and appreciation; and to feel secure in our unity with, and belonging to, a particular, family.”
He identifies three types of love – parental, social and romantic – and says that maternal love (or similar) is a prerequisite for survival…
Filling ourselves with love involves one basic principle…
Begin now to love yourself. Remember: You cannot give away what you don’t have. You cannot demonstrate what you don’t know. Begin now with yourself.
You can show love for yourself by…
The more you like yourself, the more able you are to like others and to allow others to like you. In turn, you will naturally see more good in others and in yourself…
The Greek word for love used in the New Testament is agape. Agape refers to a brotherly love, a love for all human beings, a love of compassion, kindness, caring and acceptance. This is the love that emanates from and resonates within our soul. This is our deepest desire – to be able to express love and make the soul connection, experiencing profound joy and happiness.
When we are able to express love freely, with no bounds or conditions, we open the way to receive the same in return.
Also read Patrick Wanis’ second soul mates book, “SOUL MATES –Find Your Perfect Match Now!” Copyright WOW Media 2005.
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.