In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal how asking the right questions can change your life.
First a quick update:
“Life coaches, counselors, psychologists, therapists and hypnotists”
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Now, let’s talk about how asking the right questions can change your life.
In a standup performance, famous comedian, Robin Williams, begins to pretend that he is searching for answers and memories as he taps into his mind and begins to frantically shuffle through vast imaginary drawers and filing cabinets. And he keeps sifting through and even rearranging the files until he comes up with the most powerful childhood experience.
The skit is a simple but powerful demonstration of the way the mind works.
The subconscious mind is the drawers and filing cabinets which store all of our memories, experiences and emotions, as well as storing our conclusions about life. And when we receive a stimulus, the subconscious begins to quickly do a search for everything connected to that stimulus.
For example, if you see the color red, it will trigger your mind to search for everything that is connected to red. And it will present to you the most emotional experience associated with the color red. For example, one client had a fear of red, because her grandfather was wearing red when he severely scolded her. Thus, every time she sees red, she feels afraid and anxious. Obviously, she had had many other experiences with the color red, but the most emotional experience always takes precedence over all other experiences and events associated with that color.
Another way of understanding the subconscious mind is to imagine that everything around you creates an individual and constant search for meaning.
Thus, in the case of the client mentioned above, whenever she sees a car in red, her subconscious mind will search for the meaning of “red + car” or “car + red.” Her mind might return search results for “car” with ‘car equals fun because sister and I had fun in the car’ but the results for “red color” are ‘pain, anxiety and fear because grandpa scolded and humiliated me and he was wearing red at the time.’ And the mind and body will respond to the most intensely emotional association i.e. the painful association with red will override the joyful association with the car, and thus, the respective person will respond to the color first, and the object second.
What is the significance of this point?
Without being consciously aware of it, every time you make statements or ask questions, your subconscious mind is searching for an answer and a meaning.
Thus, in times of frustration, you might blurt out, “Why am I so stupid?” or “Why aren’t I more successful?” and your subconscious mind will begin to search for a meaning as well as an answer to that question and stimulus.
Note that you are not simply affirming that you are stupid or not successful, but rather you are reinforcing the belief (even though it was a question or even a rhetorical question) of being stupid and unsuccessful because your subconscious mind will present you with all of the information, memories and emotions to answer and support that question and belief of being stupid and unsuccessful.
Accordingly, the more often you ask that question, the more often your subconscious mind will return with answers and proof in support of it, thus converting it into a belief and then, you will take action, consciously or subconsciously to support that belief.
Thus, the more often you keep asking “Why am I so lonely?” the more often your subconscious mind will search for ways to positively answer that question as being true (bad experiences, things you did wrong, emotions of guilt and undeservedness, and so forth.) Subsequently, you will subconsciously believe that you are lonely or that you deserve to be lonely, and you will act as a lonely person.
Your energy, your subconscious message and the thoughts that you extend to the world will be “I am a lonely person” or “I deserve to be lonely.” Next, you will trigger painful emotions associated with being lonely and deserving to be lonely.
And remember, you get more of what you focus on.
What is the solution?
Change your questions and focus on the result you want to create.
1. Decide what you want – be clear and specific about what you want to create or manifest in your life. For example, if you want to raise your self-esteem and self-confidence and thus, allow yourself to receive good things in your life, you might ask “Why am I good enough?” Your subconscious mind will respond with all the reasons that prove and support that you are good enough and worthy
2. Stop asking negative questions and instead ask yourself questions designed around the result you want to create. If you want to attract (and notice) the good opportunities in your life, you might ask: “Why do good opportunities come to me so easily now?”
3. Take action to support your new belief. For example, if you are asking yourself (on a daily basis), “Why am I good enough?”, support that question (assumption and belief) by allowing yourself to receive small things and gifts from people (even compliments and a helping hand.) if you are daily asking yourself, “Why do good opportunities come to me so easily now?”, support that question (assumption and belief) by responding to the opportunities around you – notice them, say yes to them, engage in more networking.
In the same way that your subconscious mind searched for meaning and responses to your negative questions, it will search for and respond to your positive questions. It doesn’t judge the question – it just finds the answer to support it.
Notice, I said above to ask yourself the positive questions on a daily basis; do it multiple times on a daily basis. Become as persistent and habitual with the positive questions as you were with the negative ones. And unlike affirmations, your subconscious mind won’t present resistance, it will, though, provide evidence for your positive empowering questions and you will see the positive results and differences in your life.
If you would like personal help to change subconscious beliefs and release yourself from the past, consider a one-on-one session with me: Click here to schedule.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.