In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to share my comprehensive quiz – “Are you an enabler?”
First a quick update:
“You only get what you believe you deserve”
How many people around you sabotage their life? Maybe you have even done it – sabotaged a good relationship. Why sabotage something that is good for you? Because subconsciously you don’t believe and feel you deserve it! This is what I refer to as the Law Of Deservedness. Watch the video
Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert
“Are you a People-Pleaser?”
Do you always put everyone else’s needs before yours? Do you find it difficult or extremely uncomfortable to ask for what you want? Do you always say “Yes” when asked to run an errand, do a chore, help or handle someone else’s responsibilities even though you want to actually say “No!”? You might be a people-pleaser personality. Watch the video.
Now, let’s talk about my comprehensive quiz – “Are you an enabler?”
An enabler is a person who acts in ways that instead of supporting the other person to overcome their challenges actually supports and enables their negative, self-defeating or self-destructive behavior and habits.
Although the intention might be sincere – to help, love, care and support the other person – the enabler, while trying to rescue the other person, actually makes it easier to for him/her to continue in self-destructive behavior. Thus, an enabler actually harms the person he/she loves.
The enabler also fails to consciously realize that he/she is creating a co-dependent relationship – the self-destructive person becomes dependent on the rescuer/enabler and the rescuer/enabler becomes dependent on the self-destructive person. Thus, neither person are satisfied or fulfilled in the relationship, and they both enable each other to act in certain maladaptive ways.
Are you an Enabler?
Take my comprehensive 32-question Quiz about enabling:
- Do you put the needs of others before the needs of your own?
- Do you consume all of your time worrying about the other person?
- Do you constantly try to keep the peace and avoid potential problems?
- Do you believe that if you avoid conflict you will solve the problems?
- Do you find yourself spending time trying to come up with solutions for the other person’s problems?
- Do you hide your emotions and feelings?
- Do you find it difficult to express your feelings?
- Do you find it difficult to ask for what you want?
- Do you fear or believe that the other person is incapable of taking care of him/herself and/or being able to handle the challenges of life?
- Do you fear or believe that the other person would fall apart if he/she had to handle the situation or challenges of life on her own?
- Do you do everything you can to protect the other person from feeling any pain?
- Do other people tell you that you are too close to the situation or the other person and that therefore you cannot see what is really happening and what is the other person’s real problem?
- Do you give the other person money as a way to reduce his or her pain?
- Do you join him or her in the dangerous behavior, even when you know he or she has a problem i.e. going to the Casino when you know they can’t control the gambling; going to the bar when you know they can’t control the drinking or buying them alcohol when you know they can’t control the drinking or; giving them money when you know they can’t control the spending or shopping?
- Do you believe that you would be a bad person if you didn’t help?
- Do you minimize the situation and problem believing it will go away sooner or later, that it will pass?
- Do you believe that there is no one else who can help or rescue the other person and that therefore it is your job and responsibility?
- Do you worry that you’re not “doing enough” to help the other person, believing that you could be doing more, even if you don’t know how?
- Do you keep giving chance after chance to the other person even though the other person keeps engaging in the same behavior or doesn’t make any changes?
- Do you feel or believe that the other person is or has been manipulating you?
- Do you treat him/her like a child (even if the person is an adult)? Are you protective of him/her (even if the person is an adult)?
- Do you encourage him/her to be dependent on you?
- Do you try to control the other person or get mad if they don’t follow your suggestions?
- Do you feel significant, in control, superior or enthusiastic after helping him/her solve his or her problems?
- Do you believe that things will get better and the problem will change if you can just hang in there a little longer?
- Do you believe that the other person’s drug, alcohol use isn’t very serious and that “it’s just a phase”?
- Do you take over the responsibilities of the other person, doing things for him/her that he/she should be doing for him or herself?
- Do you excuse or try to justify the other person’s behavior & actions to minimize the negative consequences of his/her actions?
- Do you repeatedly come to his/her rescue – money, material things, errands, favors or even lying for him/her?
- Do you feel guilty that you are not more available for the other person?
- Do you realize that the other person’s problems are beyond your help?
- Do you realize that you could be someone else other than a rescuer or enabler?
If you answered yes to three or more of these questions, you may be an enabler which is making the other person’s situation and problems only worse and that you are limiting them instead of empowering them.
If you believe or are concerned that you are an enabler or currently enabling someone in your life, and you need further assistance, book a one-on-one session with me.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.