The Secret to Total Freedom and Empowerment

The Secret to total freedom and empowerment

The Secret to total freedom and empowerment

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to share the secret to total freedom and self-empowerment.

First a quick update:

“Protecting your children from drugs”
Eleven million American adolescents and young adults ages 12-29 need help with drug and alcohol problems. Research and real life studies reveal that parents play the biggest role and are the single most critical factor in determining delinquency, youth violence, and drug abuse; yes, even greater than environmental community factors. Listen to the exclusive interview with Aaron Huey of Fire Mountain Sober Living Boys Home and Fire Mountain Programs:

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Now, let’s talk about the secret to total freedom and self-empowerment.

The dictionary offers various definitions for freedom such as: the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action; liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another; independence; unrestricted use.

Ultimately, freedom is being able to make your own choices – no one else is able to control you except you.

While the word empower has various meanings based on context, it can also mean the ability to control your own destiny.

Thus, combined “total freedom” and “self-empowerment” imply that you and only you have power over yourself; no one else but you can control your destiny.

Is it truly possible to break the chains of other people’s power over you?

Is it truly possible to become totally independent?

Of course, we need other people and we depend on other people for certain things – friendship, love, companionship, community and so forth. And if we are physically ill then we will depend on others for assistance and possibly even for survival.

However, what I am about to share with you is a principle and philosophy that one can live by and which offers one extraordinary power and freedom.

“It’s better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.” This was the trademark slogan of Emiliano Zapata, a leading figure in the Mexican Revolution which broke out in 1910. Zapata was rebelling against what he believed to be tyranny.

Thus, the above phrase is a call to fight for freedom, to stand upright and fight for one’s rights, to not act or live as a slave on one’s knees or to live a life of submission and powerlessness; to not give away control of one’s life to others or to live at the mercy of others.

That slogan also has other implications such as believing in yourself and in your own self-worth; not letting others defeat you, or defeating yourself through your own poor or negative attitude.

Building onto the above phrase, I teach:

When you are willing to lose everything, to give up everything, then and only then are you totally free and only at that point are you free of other people’s control.

Look at your life. Which people control you and how do they control you?

There are various forms of control such as physical (survival), mental, financial and emotional.

Parents control children because the child depends on the parents for survival in the form of food, water and shelter.

Bosses attempt to control employees because the employee believes that he/she depends on the check for survival. And yes, in some cases that is true, but, only if one believes that there is no other possible source for money.

What about mental and emotional control?

Again who in your life has the ability to control you mentally or emotionally, to manipulate you?

Only those people to whom you have given that ability and power.

In one example, a wife completely controls and emasculates her husband by criticizing, bullying and demeaning him. (Yes, either spouse, male or female can do this.) He depends on her not for survival but for emotional self-worth and happiness. She controls him by threatening to leave or by continually tearing him down so that he no longer believes in himself, his self-worth or value.

In another example, a woman controls her boyfriend via similar tactics telling him he is not good enough, he is not doing enough for her, he is innately bad or unhappy, and, if she loved him he would act a certain way. In turn, he fears losing her and he hands her all his power and self-worth. Now he is on his knees to her and she controls him and controls the way he feels on a daily basis; sometimes on a minute-by-minute basis.

And yet, in another example, a male boss controls his employee by reminding her that he can fire her any time while he destroys her self-confidence by making demeaning and harassing remarks. She bows on her knees to him and she becomes his slave.

The one thing all three people have in common is the fear of losing something – the security, the relationship, the check, etc.

Whatever we choose to become attached to will inevitably control us!

If we attach ourselves to a job, a car, a person (or even a person’s approval) then that thing or person will control us and will lose all of our power.

Many years ago, I was living in The Gambia, West Africa. I was working for a very powerful and wealthy man – powerful because he owned multiple businesses, employed hundreds of people and he could easily control and influence government officials.

Other employees of his were shocked to see me stand up to him and say “no” during meetings when I knew that what he was suggesting or was doing was actually wrong. Ironically, I earned his respect by not acting like the others, by not living out of fear and being willing to speak the truth at any cost.

However, one day I was called to his office and the CFO told me, in front of him, that they had reduced my team for budgetary purposes. (i.e. they were going to fire people on my team.)  Without blinking, and recognizing that this was an act of disrespect since they had not consulted with me, I replied “I quit. That way you can save even more money.”

He was stunned and the CFO went completely silent.

“Why are you getting angry?” he said surprisingly.

‘Because you disrespect me and you didn’t consult me. So, I quit.’

And with those few simple words, I walked out of his office,

I was willing to go home – wherever home was at the time – London or back to Australia. I had no attachment to the job. I loved what I did and the people but I was not willing to be controlled or to live on my knees.

When you are willing to lose everything, to give up everything, then and only then are you totally free and only at that point are you free of other people’s control.

A few hours later, my boss’ wife arrived and she said to me “I heard you had an argument with my husband. You can’t leave The Gambia because I hired you.”

‘I am leaving.’

A few hours after that, my boss arrived and sent someone to me with a beer in his hand and a handwritten note: “Aussies love a beer. Don’t worry be happy.”

That was his way of apologizing. And yes, he did not cut back my team but kept it intact.

Again, I was willing to lose and give up everything – my job, my life in Africa and my security – all for one thing – freedom & personal power.

How far will you go to protect your personal freedom & power?

“The story of the human race is the story of men and women selling themselves short.”  – Abraham Maslow, American psychologist.

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.” – Dr. Seuss

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
www.patrickwanis.com

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5 replies
  1. Avatar
    Jo says:

    What if the job is your only source of income, the only means by which you can pay your bills (and I have tons of them!), your kids’ school fees and expenses ? Even if you know what the boss and manager are doing to the employees is wrong and demeaning, how do you “give up everything ” and quit?

  2. Avatar
    Erol Fox says:

    I wonder if there aren’t two kinds of thoughts about freedom. One is the “moving away from” kind of freedom. It’s a kind of freedom defined as “not” something, like away from any and all constraint. That’s like thinking that being rich in terms of lack of debt.

    I see so many people divorce today or not able to hold a job because they think of freedom as only they decide, no one can control me. But under that thinking, a wife can have sex with anyone she wants any time she wants. No man is going to control her. So, maybe we are always controlled and being controlled is good. Think of a parent that doesn’t control their child. The child yells and destroys everything in sight. The new age parent wants the child to be totally “free”. Would that be good for the child?

    Maybe when we think of a “moving toward” kind of freedom, as if it were a place we are going to, instead of a place we are trying to avoid, that place could be called love, for lack of a better word. When a parent truly loves their child, there is benevolent control from self-destruction. When a couple love each other, there is mutual control that keeps us from doing harm. Maybe control is a good thing, it’s just where it’s controlling a car so it can race well or reckless control like a demolition derby.

    Hmmm… good article here about control and freedom.

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