What are the real challenges faced by perfectionists?

What are the real challenges faced by perfectionists?

What are the real challenges faced by perfectionists?

 

Patrick,

I was trying to explain to a new friend of mine the real issues underlying perfectionists, which she claimed to be.  I did a fairly good job but could not put it in the eloquent succinct terms you would use.  For my benefit and the benefit of all of our readers could you outline the real meaning and challenges faced by perfectionists?

Chris Burres

Editor’s note: Patrick Wanis’ response is below and please read “The poison of perfectionism and self-centredness” by Patrick Wanis

Dear Chris,

The desire to be perfect is not something we are born with but rather something we learn. And we learn it one of two ways, we copied our parents who were perfectionists or something happened as child and we chose to believe that we need to be perfect because there is something wrong with us. I do teach that is it positive to strive to improve and always grow and learn, but, if we are obsessed or controlled by the need to be perfect, then we will always feel bad about ourselves because we cannot be perfect. We are human beings and we make mistakes. For most people, the drive for perfectionism unfortunately comes from the deeper belief that there is something wrong with us and we are not good enough. We need to begin from the place of accepting our mistakes, our positive and negative qualities and then proceed to work on those things that we can change. There is also a vast difference between striving to be perfect and striving to be the best that you can be or do. Finally, if you are a perfectionist, then you will also judge all the people around you with the same expectations of perfectionism and you will end up lonely, unhappy and disappointed because no one can be perfect!
Patrick

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    Patrick says:

    Dear Chris,

    The desire to be perfect is not something we are born with but rather something we learn. And we learn it one of two ways, we copied our parents who were perfectionists or something happened as child and we chose to believe that we need to be perfect because there is something wrong with us. I do teach that is it posiitve to strive to improve and always grow and learn, but, if we are obsessed or controlled by the need to be perfect, then we will always feel bad about ourselves because we cannot be perfect. We are human beings and we make mistakes. For most people, the drive for perfectionism unfortunately comes from the deeper belief that there is something wrong with us and we are not good enough. We need to begin from the place of accepting our mistakes, our posiitive and negative qualities and then proceed to work on those things that we can change. There is also a vast difference between striving to be perfect and striving to be the best that you can be or do. Finally, if you are a perfectionist, then you will also judge alll the people around you with the same expectations of perfectionism and you will end up lonely, unhappy and disappointed because no one can be perfect!
    Patrick

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