In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the simple reason why happiness is so hard to achieve, and, what you can do about it.
First a quick update:
The Breakup Test
Are you heartbroken, angry, lost, lonely, confused, depressed, hung up, or pining over your ex? Do you know how your ex is truly affecting you and do you want to benefit from personalize advice, action steps and revelations? Take my free breakup test and get your own personalized report.
Controlling Man Sues Rude Woman Over First Date
A man takes a woman on a first date to the movies but after she texts and he complains, she leaves him. He then texts her and demands that she pay him back for the movie ticket or he will sue her! Watch the video.
Now, let’s talk about the simple reason why happiness is so hard to achieve, and, what you can do about it.
Happiness is our most natural state. Pause before you react to this statement.
Please allow me to explain.
As a child, what did it really take for you to be happy?
Simply put – your needs to be met – needs for food, water, shelter, love and affection. You didn’t need gadgets and possessions. You could find ways to entertain and enjoy yourself by being in the moment. Admittedly, you also didn’t have the responsibilities that your parents had to take care of you and provide for your needs.
Nonetheless, it actually took work, effort or some form of interference for you to become unhappy i.e. not getting your needs met, being mistreated, forming expectations and faulty interpretations about yourself and the world around you.
And therein lies the problem: our happiness is impacted by our expectations of the way life should be along with our subconscious interpretations/perceptions of how life is.
Of course, happiness will be harder to experience if you have health challenges or constant worries about money and survival, in turn leading to exhausting insecurity, uncertainty and an inability to cope.
However, for the majority of us who have our basic needs met, the cause of unhappiness are: your ‘wants’ VS your needs and, your expectations & perceptions of life.
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
While you cannot will yourself to happiness, there is something you can do to spend more time in the natural state of happiness – by undoing the work that causes the unhappiness in the first place.
“Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering”
Carl Jung, 1938 (Psychology and Religion)
1. Do not expect to be in a constant state of happiness – illness, loss, accidents and disasters will result in pain, grief and suffering – it is part of the human experience. Beware of trying to achieve or expecting a constant state of happiness – that expectation alone will cause unhappiness and disappointment.
2. Adjust your expectations about how life should be or how you should be. These expectations create frustration, anger, disappointment, cynicism, and disillusionment. Release the expectations you have based on society’s demands for you to be perfect – rich, young, healthy, wealthy, sexy, powerful, independent, successful career person, mother/father, married with children, etc. Decide for yourself how you want to be.
“I lost my son all of a sudden – like from having a happy holiday together to losing him was 4 hours. And the question that hit me at the time was ‘what can I do now to bring him back?’ And nothing I could have ever done, including locking myself in a room and crying for the rest of my life, could bring him back. And to me the whole idea was, I can either choose to suffer, or I can choose to sort of accept life as harsh as it has become, and reset – make that the zero point, and try to make it slightly better than it is today, and slightly better tomorrow.”
– Mo Gawdat, chief business officer at Google X
3. Adjust your perceptions of the events in your life. In other words, what matters more what happens to you is the way you will choose to respond to what happens. Become clear about what you can control and, begin now to accept what you cannot control.
“Happiness is in looking at the glass and seeing the truth of the glass. Seeing the half full side and being grateful for it; seeing the half-empty side and saying can I do anything about it? And if not, can I accept it? Truly happiness is not about what the world gives, about how much water is in this glass. Happiness is what you think about what the world gives you.”
– Mo Gawdat, chief business officer at Google X
4. Work out what you want, and above all, why you actually want it. The latter might change your mind about what you thought you wanted and it will help you to distinguish between ‘wants’ and real ‘needs.’
“Luxuries simply become necessities that we become obliged to.”
– Yuval Noah Harari, author of Sapiens A Brief History of Humankind
If you need help to fix the root cause of your own unhappiness, book a one-on-one session with me.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.