3 Reasons Why You Are Miserable

3 Reasons Why You Are Miserable

3 Reasons Why You Are Miserable

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the 3 reasons you are miserable.

First a quick update:

“What do you really need?”
We experience life in 4 realms – physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. We need air to breathe, water, food and sleep; without them, we die. These are our minimum physical needs (excluding touch and affection), but our emotional needs are much more complex.

“The rise to power by Donald Trump and Adolf Hitler”
Many comparisons have already been made between Hitler and Trump. However, most of those comparisons are inaccurate and false. There is, though, one thing they do have in common which relates to the unconscious mind & the primitive drives & forces which has been instrumental in the rise to power by both Trump and Hitler. Watch the video

Now, let’s talk about the 3 reasons you are miserable.

In the Forrest Gump film (1994), Forrest Gump (played by Tom Hanks) is running across America when a hippie approaches him:

Hippie: Hey, man, hey, listen. I was wondering if you might help me, huh? Listen, I’m in the bumper sticker business and I’ve been trying to think up a good slogan. And since you have been such a big inspiration to the people around here, I thought you might be able to help me jump into… Whoa! Man, you just ran through a big pile of dog shit!

Forrest Gump: It happens.

Hippie: What? Shit?

Forrest Gump: Sometimes.
The hippie stops running and pauses seriously, realizing that these words are meaningful.
Forrest Gump: [narrating] And some years later I heard that fella did come up with a bumper sticker slogan and he made a lot of money off of it.
The slogan “Shit happens” simply means that bad things can happen sometimes for no reason at all. (I concede that there are other philosophical, theological and metaphysical explanations and theories for bad things happening, which, I won’t address in this article.)

Nonetheless, the key point here is that there are many things that occur in life that are beyond our control – illness, aging, disease, accidents and loss – death. And as such, the human experience includes suffering & pain as much as it does happiness & joy.

Is there a way to reduce the pain & suffering, to reduce the misery?

There are 3 primary causes of misery.

1. Trying to change the past    

There are very few people who will openly and honestly say, “I would never change a thing about my past.” There are many more people who would immediately and dramatically change the past if they could. The latter act can be referred to as wishful thinking. However, and unfortunately, the majority of people expend much energy trying to change the past.

There are many ways that we try to change the past – constantly berating, criticizing and condemning someone for something they did or didn’t do in the past, or; filling ourselves with all sorts of negative emotions about an event that occurred or did not occur (“If only…”)

It is an absurd and ludicrous act, is it not? And yet, we all have done it – trying to change something that no longer exists and cannot be changed or altered in any way whatsoever.

The result: misery and other negative emotions that poison us and prevent us from enjoying the present and future opportunities.

2. Refusing to accept the truth

Have you ever done the same thing over and over expecting to get a different result, only to be left feeling frustrated, hopeless and angry? It is true that sometimes we need to push through challenges, be disciplined and maintain a concerted effort to achieve our goals. However, discernment also involves being able to determine when the current situation will not change.

Simply put, there are times when we must simply be willing to view the truth about a situation – aging (wrinkles, changes in the body), a relationship that is over, responsibilities that cannot or should not be shirked (i.e. responsibilities of being a parent), present financial limitations, things beyond our control or, consequences of past actions which cannot be changed. For example, things in life change, and, come to an end – a relationship, job, career, friendship or investment. Refusing to see the truth about a situation results in denial, addiction or misery, piling up negative emotions (resentment, anger, contempt, hatred, bitterness, envy, etc.) which prevent us again from living life fully, from applying ourselves and using our talents, abilities and qualities to love and enjoy life.

3. Changing someone else

By now, you probably have noticed the pattern or common theme to the 3 major reasons you are miserable: the futile attempt to change things or people whom we cannot change.

A common phrase I share with clients is: “Have you noticed how challenging it is for you to change? Then why do you think you can change anyone else when you are struggling right now to change yourself?”

We easily fool ourselves into thinking that our happiness is dependent on someone changing (or something changing), not realizing all the while that people only change when they truly want to change, and even at that point, you might not be able to assist them to make their desired change.

We believe that other people should change to meet our needs, expectations or beliefs about the way we think the world should be and the way people should be and should behave. Yes, it is significant to create boundaries and let people know how we expect to be treated. However, we also need to be able to awaken to the moment in time when we realize and accept that this other person does not or will not change.

And there is the key to solving our misery – acceptance!

Peace of mind comes from acceptance – accepting the past, accepting the truth about our present situation and accepting people around us. Once we have arrived at acceptance, we can then focus on changing ourselves and focus on taking the necessary action to change only the things over which we have control.

If you need further assistance, book a one-on-one session with me.

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist


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