In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the 3 steps to rising from victim consciousness.
First a quick update:
Reasons not to forgive and play the victim? – When someone does something wrong to you, what is the best response? Is it okay and wise to stay bitter and not forgive him/her? After all, forgiveness might condone the wrongdoing, right? Find out in this article
Follow me on Twitter– You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert
Ego is not a dirty word – Ego is necessary for personal identity, for uniqueness. Ego is not a dirty word – ego is only unhealthy when it becomes over-inflated and one’s life begins to self-destruct. Watch the video:
Now, let’s talk about the 3 steps to rising from victim consciousness.
The dictionary defines a victim as: one that is injured, destroyed, or sacrificed under any of various conditions; one that is subjected to oppression, hardship, or mistreatment.
Both above definitions incorporate the element of helplessness. To become a victim, one must first be helpless, powerless or ignorant. What a person does after having been victimized is also the topic of discussion in this article.
Children easily become victims because they are helpless, powerless and ignorant (they make false interpretations of events using their limited knowledge and developing brain.)
A child will falsely and inaccurately conclude/interpret “my parents are divorcing, it must be my fault; there must be something wrong with me.”
When a child is abused (verbally, physically, emotionally or mentally abused) there is very little that he/she can do about it.
When the same happens to an adult, he/she has many more options and choices; those choices might not be ideal or pleasant but they are still options and choices which a child does not possess.
Our culture is driven by the victim and hero archetypes: the hero is willing to risk his life to save the helpless victim.
Of course, the hero should be celebrated and acknowledged for expressing love and potential sacrifice to save the life of another human being. However, today, we seem to celebrate victims as heroes: instead of helping them to become empowered to become independent and in-charge of their lives, we spend most of our energy rehashing what they experienced when they were victims. We devote our energy, focus, attention and significance to their victimhood and not to their freedom.
This action further contributes to victim consciousness – the sum of beliefs, attitudes and behaviors that support the primary premise “I am helpless and the world is responsible for my misery; I will never get what I want or be happy or free.”
Have you been a victim? Have you played the victim? Did you wallow in victimhood and victim consciousness?
The answer is most likely yes for every one of us!
However, once we fall into deep victim consciousness, it is hard to rise up out of it. Few people are even aware that they are living from victim consciousness and they are not aware how that victim consciousness is further destroying their lives and happiness.
While you continue to believe that you are a victim (helpless, powerless and ignorant) your life will never change.
While you continue to believe that you are a victim (helpless, powerless and ignorant) your life will remain at the mercy of others. Remember, if you play the victim, you will attract two types of people – 1. The Rescuer and 2., The Persecutor/Controller. In other words, the more you play victim, the more you will be treated as a victim (helpless, powerless and ignorant); you will only attract more of what you say you don’t want – people who will use, take advantage and control you.
With victim consciousness, you will never be free because you will find ways to reinforce your victim beliefs.
Here are the 3 key steps to rising from victim consciousness.
1. Inventory of beliefs of victim consciousness
List and acknowledge your beliefs which contribute to victim consciousness. Review this list and add to it:
I feel helpless and powerless
It’s everyone else’s fault
I just attract bad luck; bad things just seem to happen to me
It feels like the world is against me and wants to keep me down
The world is a big scary place and I am helpless to change it
I feel bad about myself because of what others say about me
I make the same mistakes over and over again
When I do things for others they take advantage of me
I wish my life were different so that I could feel better
When I get close to others, I get hurt
When I really open up to someone, they take advantage of me
All of the above beliefs reinforce the primary premise: “I have no power to change my life – I am controlled by forces outside of me.”
2. Collapsing the victim beliefs and stories
Review the above list and for each belief, answer these questions:
Is this belief true? Are you sure it’s true? How do you react when you believe this thought? Who would you be without this thought?
The intention here is to awaken to realize that the beliefs are not true (they are conclusions and interpretations) and that you have been holding onto them out of fear. Also, become aware if you are engaging in all/nothing, black/white thinking.
Do not confuse responsibility with blame; blame gives away your power and is not focused on the solution. Responsibility is 3-fold:
- You have the duty to take control now of your life – choices, decisions and outcomes
- Accept accountability “How did I contribute to the outcome?” You most likely made some simple choices and decisions which contributed to the ultimate result and experience. Again, do not beat up yourself here. Rather, seek to understand why you made those choices at the time. Uncover the subconscious belief that led you to make those choices. Maybe you didn’t feel or subconsciously believe at the time that you deserved better than that.
- You have the ability to respond in a new manner that will benefit you and not work against you. This involves knowledge (opposite to the ignorance of a victim): build awareness and knowledge about yourself – what you believed and the choices you made; express compassion for former errors and choices by seeking to understand why you made those choices and; seek professional help to change old negative beliefs and become emotionally free.
Finally, you are not a victim.
You might once been a victim; you are not now.
You have the ability to change your life. You have the ability to take new action and create new results.
You might still be experiencing the consequences of something that occurred, but, you have the power to turn things around. You have the ability to take charge once more and create a new life.
You have the creative power!
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.