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In 2006, human behavior expert Patrick Wanis, PhD introduced and coined “The Law of Deservedness”:
“You only get what you subconsciously believe you deserve and no more; and if you get more, you will sabotage it, push it away, or you simply won’t enjoy it.”
In this exclusive interview, Jim Peake of MySuccessGateway.com speaks with Patrick Wanis to explore why the Law of Deservedness stands as the single most critical, foundational principle of success across every area of your life.
Having interviewed top international gurus, Peake notes that Wanis is the first and only teacher actively exposing and unpacking this law—offering a powerful, grounded contrast to popular frameworks like the Law of Attraction.
To explore how the subconscious mind governs your results, read Patrick’s breakdown of The 10 Universal Laws of the Subconscious Mind.
Listen to the full audio interview above, or read the complete written transcript below.
Read The Transcript
Here is the plain text transcript reorganized into a clean dialogue between Jim Peake and Patrick Wanis, PhD:
Jim Peake: This is Jim Peake at MySuccessGateway.com and I’ve got a fantastic call with Patrick Wanis of PatrickWanis.com, W-A-N-I-S. Patrick is going to share with us the Law of Deservedness. Patrick is a human behavior expert, and he will give a quick background on who he is before we launch right into the Law of Deservedness.
Patrick Wanis, PhD: Thanks, Jim. Yes, I’m a human behavior and relationship expert. I’m also a celebrity life coach, author, and clinical hypnotherapist. Most of my studies are into human behavior, and the way I explain that is that I study what we do and why we do it—because most of us want to change our behavior so that we’ll change the way we feel and change our results.
I say, “Okay, let’s work backwards and find out why you’re acting this way. Why are you behaving this way?” Of course, it always stems from thoughts and belief systems; it’s our thoughts and beliefs that drive our behavior. Even though sometimes we think, “Why would I be engaging in such self-destructive behavior?”—whether it’s overeating, overindulging in alcohol, or addictions—people look at it and say, “Well, it doesn’t make sense why this person is doing it.” Some people say it’s a chemical imbalance. I say it’s not a chemical imbalance; it’s an imbalance in your thoughts and beliefs about who you are, about the world, and what you believe you deserve.
You see, when people are plagued with guilt or shame, Jim, what do they believe they deserve? They deserve to be punished. So if we walk around with any sort of guilt about something we’ve done, we’ll punish ourselves one way or another.
I’m not sure who else refers to the Law of Deservedness. It’s a term that I’ve coined because I found that this is one of the key mental laws—one of the key universal laws. In The Secret, it says: “Ask, believe, and receive.” Okay, so you say, “I want to get this house,” you put up a picture, you visualize it, you feel what it’s like to get it, and then it comes to you. That doesn’t guarantee one of the most important things: Will you enjoy it when you get it, and will you hold onto it?
Let me give you an example. It was only recently that Showtime did a TV documentary called Reversal of Fortune, where they found a homeless man and placed $100,000 near him in a dumpster. They wanted to know what would happen: Will it turn his life around? Will he change his life? How will it affect him? As they followed him, what they realized was he quickly squandered the money. Why? He was on Oprah, and Oprah didn’t pick up on this. He squandered the money because he didn’t believe he deserved it.
This is how I define the Law of Deservedness: You’ll only get what you believe you deserve and no more—and I’m talking about what you subconsciously believe you deserve. If you get more than what you believe you deserve, you will sabotage it.
So let me repeat that. The Law of Deservedness says you’ll get only what you subconsciously believe you deserve and no more. And if you do get more than what you believe you deserve, you’ll sabotage it.
Let me give you another example, because happiness and success isn’t just about material wealth. This is where I had much to say about The Secret. If our only happiness came from material and external wealth, then we in America should be the happiest people in the world, but we’re not. We’re the most medicated nation in society, and the statistics regarding depression are unbelievable. Why is that, when we’re affluent and have access to food and everything we could possibly want?
Here’s the example: I’ll refer to strippers. Why would I be referring to strippers? There was a study done by Dr. Mary Hannah Layton back in 1999. More than 80% of female strippers were sexually abused as children. I go further to say 99% were abused in some form as children—meaning sexual, mental, or verbal abuse. The majority of strippers are addicted to some form of narcotic, and most of them are subconsciously man-haters.
Now, why would these women be engaging in this business? The real reason women choose to strip is because they were abused as children, so they subconsciously believe they deserve to be abused. Now think about it: Strippers make a lot of money, drive nice cars, have great clothing, and live in great apartments. They have a great material lifestyle, but do you see them happy? No, you don’t. Material wealth is not enough.
I use this as a powerful example because you can look at it on two levels:
- They’ve got the money, the possessions, and the material wealth, but they’re obviously not happy.
- Why are they in an industry where they continue to be abused? Because they believe they deserve to be abused, even if they don’t say that consciously.
Jim Peake: That’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. I mean, can you talk a little bit about the distinction between the Law of Deservedness versus self-esteem?
Patrick Wanis, PhD: They’re related, because self-esteem is basically how much you like yourself. You can break it down into three ways:
- Significance: How significant do you believe you are? What role do you play in the world, and how do you contribute or add value to other people’s lives?
- Achievement: Do you feel that you’re going somewhere with your life and actually achieving something?
- Self-Acceptance: How much do you like yourself? Are you able to look at yourself and say, “These are my weaknesses, these are my strengths. I accept my weaknesses, I’ll work on them, and I’ll keep building on my successes”?
Self-esteem is basically how much you like yourself. So yes, it is connected to the Law of Deservedness, because if you—at a deep, subconscious level—don’t like yourself, then you’re not going to be open to receiving and accepting good things.
How many times have you heard someone say, “Oh, I couldn’t accept that gift,” “Oh, you shouldn’t have,” “That’s too much,” or “I wouldn’t feel right receiving this”? What are they saying? They’re saying, “I don’t deserve it.” They’re denying it.
How many people won’t apply for a job because they don’t feel they’re good enough? Or here’s another one: “She’s out of my league,” “He’s out of my league,” or “Why would that person be interested in me?” That’s the same thing—it’s the Law of Deservedness tied into self-esteem. Some people won’t apply for jobs that pay huge salaries because they don’t believe they deserve it.
Let me give you another example on a whole different level—financial. I mentioned the TV show Reversal of Fortune, but let me give you some other examples. Studies show that most lottery winners lose their winnings in two to three years. Evelyn Adams won the New Jersey lottery not just once, but twice—in 1985 and 1986—to the tune of $5.4 million. Today, she lives in a trailer. Another example: William “Bud” Post won $16.2 million in the Pennsylvania lottery in 1988. He now lives on Social Security.
Explain that. Is it just poor financial advice? Come on. It’s obviously much more than just poor financial advice. It’s the fact that you will throw away and push away what you believe you don’t deserve.
Look at women in relationships: A woman who has low self-esteem or subconsciously doesn’t believe she deserves to be treated well will always sabotage a good relationship. She’ll get into a relationship, and she’ll find one way or another to push the guy away. She’ll either sabotage the relationship, cheat on him, or treat him poorly—doing something that will cause him to leave her so it returns to her belief: “I don’t deserve to be treated well.”
Years ago, women I was dating would say to me, “Why would a man of your intelligence and looks be attracted to someone like me?” That’s the Law of Deservedness. She thinks she doesn’t deserve to be treated well or receive the best. If we don’t believe we deserve the best, we will not get the best.
The Law of Deservedness also says: If you don’t believe you deserve something, why are you going to go for it? How many people say, “I always wanted to be an actor” or “I always wanted to do this,” but they don’t try it because they don’t believe they deserve it, or they fear failure or rejection?
The fear of failure and rejection comes from destructive criticism during childhood—being told “You can’t do it,” “You won’t make it,” “You’re a loser,” “You better do this or else,” or just continuous criticism. Criticism and condemnation turn into guilt and shame, and when someone feels guilty, they punish themselves. A lot of people end up punishing themselves and wonder why they can’t get what they want in life, or why they sabotage and can’t enjoy it if they do get it.
Another example is Hollywood actors and actresses. A lot of them are in the news with big problems.
Jim Peake: Speaking of that, Anna Nicole had a big problem and got a lot of publicity for that type of stuff. But you look at someone like Madonna, Clint Eastwood, or Robert Redford, who seem to be able to move along just fine. What do you attribute their mindsets to?
Patrick Wanis, PhD: Watch Clint Eastwood at any awards ceremony and notice his inner peace.
Jim Peake: Very much.
Patrick Wanis, PhD: If you’re going to talk about principles like the Law of Attraction, getting more of what you focus on, or everything being energy, notice his vibrational energy—notice his aura. He has a sense of peace to him; he’s okay with who he is.
Have you noticed how some actors and actresses break down and cry when receiving an award? They’re telling you that they don’t believe they deserve it. It’s not about joy—like “I’m so joyful I received this graciously and with humility.” Some of them just don’t believe they deserve the damn thing, and you can see it in the way they break down.
What you’re seeing in Clint Eastwood is someone who has come to terms with himself. That’s about being able to accept that you do deserve the best. In one of my hypnosis audio programs, Be Happy, Rich, and Wealthy, I drive home the suggestion that it is your right to be happy, rich, and wealthy. If we are all created equal, it’s your right to be happy, rich, and wealthy. The problem is that someone along the way told you that you don’t deserve it. Parents will say to their kids, “That’s not for you, that’s not for us.” Have you noticed that?
Jim Peake: Yeah, yeah. I’m very conscious of how I phrase things with my seven-year-old son.
Patrick Wanis, PhD: My point is that we all want to have good stuff—whether it’s a car, a house, or financial security. But your ability to enjoy that good stuff is determined by how much you like yourself and what you believe you deserve. In my audiobook, Get the Man You Want, I make that a big point for women: If you don’t believe you deserve the best, you’re not going to go for it and you’re not going to accept it.
That’s why we see gaps between the “haves” and the “have-nots.” The have-nots won’t even look at the haves and think, “Oh, I could be with that person.”
Jim Peake: Yeah, and a lot of the people who are “haves” came from the “have-not” world. We hear these stories time and time again, so it all goes back to what you experienced as a child—what you saw your parents doing, what they told you, and what you experienced.
Patrick Wanis, PhD: Exactly. If you had negative experiences where your parents told you that you couldn’t do it or that you were a loser, or if you saw your parents struggling, you’ll form generalizations that life is a struggle—unless you consciously set out to change that belief.
Notice how most people tend to make the same amount of money as their parents. Those who rise significantly above are the exceptions, because again, it comes down to what you believe you deserve.
Anyone listening to us right now might say, “I deserve the best,” but is that what you truly, deeply believe in your subconscious? Your outer world is simply a reflection of your inner world. If you’re not getting what you want on the outside, look inside and ask, “What is lacking?” It’s not that you aren’t good enough; it’s that you lack the belief that you deserve those good things.
The key to success has got to be what you believe about yourself. Do you like yourself? Do you love yourself? Do you accept yourself? Do you seek your own approval? Are you okay with who you are, and do you believe you deserve the best? Because you won’t get the best if you don’t believe you deserve it. And if you do happen to get it, you’ll push it away or turn to alcohol and drugs because you’ll feel like an imposter and feel unworthy.
I’ve experienced this with various clients and even in my own past. You’ll find that most people stay around the same financial level over the years—maybe going 10% above or 10% below—because they only get what they believe they deserve.
Do you really think someone who makes $100,000 is three times smarter than someone who makes $30,000? Is someone who makes $1,000,000 a year a hundred times superior or more intelligent than someone making $10,000? Obviously not. But they believe they deserve that money.
This is the energy we give off. The way you present yourself to the world determines how the world responds to you. If you walk around believing you’re important, you’ll be treated that way.
Jim Peake: You’ve shared an immense amount of great, high-quality information. I know we could keep the conversation going, but we want to keep this focused. The Universal Law of Deservedness is that you have to believe you deserve it.
Patrick Wanis, PhD: Let me give one final example so everyone can relate: Look at your own life and notice the patterns.
- Are you someone who keeps getting into businesses and getting ripped off?
- Are you someone who keeps investing in businesses that fail?
- Are you someone who gets into relationships and always finds yourself being abused or cheated on?
These patterns reflect what you believe about yourself, and they tie directly back to the Law of Deservedness. Begin now to change what you deeply, subconsciously believe about your self-worth and what you deserve. When you change that inner world, you’ll change your outer world, your reality, and your results.
Your thoughts and belief system determine how you feel, and that feeling—that enthusiasm, energy, confidence, and belief that you deserve something—will drive you to take the right actions so you get and enjoy the results. You’ll enjoy the rewards of your thoughts and beliefs.
Jim Peake: That’s great, Patrick Wanis. This has been awesome, and I think a lot of people will get tremendous value from it. I can’t thank you enough.
Patrick Wanis, PhD: My pleasure, Jim. Always my pleasure.
Jim Peake: This is Jim Peake at MySuccessGateway.com closing out the call with Patrick Wanis of PatrickWannis.com. Thank you.
Patrick Wanis, PhD: Thank you, sir.
Patrick Wanis, PhD, is a renowned relationship and behavioral expert with over 25 years of experience. Creator of SRTT Therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique), he specializes in resolving root causes of trauma and other conditions without reliving pain or retraumatization. He has developed various psychological assessments on emotional intelligence, relationships, self-sabotage, and authenticity, and serves diverse clients from celebrities to teens. A trusted media source, Global media including CNN, BBC, FOX News turn to Wanis for insights into relationships, sexuality, human motivation, trauma, communication, body language, and persuasion.