She may feel threatened by the beauty, success or admiration that her daughter or son achieve. And if others in the family give more attention to the daughter, she may feel threatened and attack/put down the daughter. She may sabotage her daughter’s life and happiness, and she throws lots of guilt at her daughter.
Thoughts That Follow Loss & Grieving include: Why? Why did this happen?
Why did it have to happen? Why me? Why him/her and not me?
I don’t want to go on. I just want to die.
I feel nothing; I am numb.
Will I ever feel anything again?
I can’t handle the pain.
I feel guilty; it’s my fault; I am to blame.
3. “Be strong/Don’t Cry/Don’t be A Sissy. What do you mean when you say, “Be strong”? Do you mean to say, ‘show no emotion, don’t share or reveal your pain’? What human (man or woman) does not cry when their child dies or when they see children being raped or murdered or when their best friend dies?
At times the screaming was almost deafening. And when they turned to me to look at me, I just let them cry and let them shout and scream out words of disbelief and denial. At other times, as they lay on the floor crying, shaking and sweating, I would run the back of my hand gently down their face to caress and try to soothe and ease their torment and distress.
Every child needs its parents to celebrate its existence so they can feel wanted, loved, significant and belonging to a family. Many of my clients come to me for help because they felt unwanted or rejected; some parents even said, “I didn’t want you!”
Feeling alone is a choice that was most likely made for you by someone else at a very early age. In other words, if your parents did not meet your emotional needs, they ignored you, were not psychologically or physically present or ‘there for you’, then you will feel alone, unsafe, insecure.
Alienation is the feeling of being a stranger – alone, unwanted, disconnected, without purpose or meaning. There are 4 key forms of alienation – and they are connected to key human needs.
When you compare yourself to others ‘above you’ and you view them as superior to you in skills, intelligence, relationships, wealth, money, possessions, success, happiness, influence, youth, looks, luck, and so forth, then there is a high probability that you will end up feeling resentful, bitter, envious, depressed, and perhaps hopeless or nihilistic. You might even seek to bring them down.
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Who do you become around your friend? Do you feel empowered, accepted and supported by your friend? Alternatively, do you feel superior or significant by playing the rescuer, fixer or martyr – behavior which can also be a method to avoid facing your own issues or feelings of inadequacy?