In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to like to reveal the 7 questions that quickly assist you to determine if your friends want the best for you.
First a quick update:
The Breakup Quiz
Are you heartbroken, angry, lost, lonely, confused, depressed, or pining over your ex? How would you like to benefit from personalized advice, action steps and revelations? Take my Free Breakup Quiz and get your own personalized report.
Are Your Friends Parasites? Do They Just Take & Feed Off You?
Are your relationships parasitic (one person living and feeding off the other person) or symbiotic (two people mutually supporting and benefitting each other)? A parasite can feed off you mentally, emotionally or energetically. Watch the video
Does Your Friend Want The Best For You?
These 7 Questions will Help You To Find Out The Truth. Does he/she truly want the best for you or is he/she a toxic friend and you didn’t even consciously know it?
1. How does your friend respond when you share bad news?
You have experienced a disappointment, setback, or a failure. Does your friend listen, express empathy and compassion without making it about him/herself? Or does your friend ignore you, change the subject or insinuate it is irrelevant or insignificant?
2. How does your friend respond when you share good news?
Something great has happened for you. Does your friend listen, ask more questions, acknowledge, and celebrate your success? Or does your friend belittle, mock, negate, resent, or ignore your success? When your friend cuts you down, he/she is part of the Tall Poppy Syndrome: Cutting you down because you are standing tall. Instead of trying to reach/share those heights with you, he/she wants you to come down to his/her height so they can escape feelings of inadequacy and fear.
3. Does your friend challenge you and point out your failings/bad behavior?
Things are not going well for you; you are behaving or performing badly or poorly; perhaps you are stuck or afraid or giving up on your goal. Does your friend speak the truth and point out your failings to help you to become better? Does he/she encourage, challenge and support you when you need it most?
4. In what ways does your friend support your goals?
You have chosen to break or change an unhealthy habit: You want to stop smoking, eating junk food, or drinking alcohol, and you want to exercise regularly. Does your friend support you and remind you when you are veering off track? Or does he/she negate or criticize your goals, or tempt you hoping that you will fail?
5. Do you and your friend’s values align?
One of the top two reasons cited for relationship breakups is a clash in values; two people who want different things in life. Do you and your friend share the same morality, values, and principals? You don’t have to want exactly the same things in life, but your core values must be in alignment or complementary.
6. What happens to your body when you are with your friend?
What do you feel most often when you are around your friend? Do you feel nervous, anxious, insecure, stupid, weak, inferior, or insignificant? Is your friend an Emotional Vampire? You won’t experience a host of negative emotions if your friend wants the best for you.
7. Who do you become around him/her?
Do you feel empowered, accepted and supported by your friend? Alternatively, do you feel superior or significant by playing the rescuer, fixer or martyr – behavior which can also be a method to avoid facing your own issues or feelings of inadequacy? Or do you engage in group nihilism – you have all given up with no plans, no dreams, and no meaning in life?
Be willing to face the truth about what is happening along with your motivations. And if you are unsure about why you keep attracting or being attracted to certain types of unhealthy people, get professional help to resolve the subconscious drivers.
A friend who wants the best for you will therefore:
Celebrate your successes with you; be compassionate and supportive when you are hurting or suffering; aim up with you and challenge you when you are not living up to your potential; support you and your goals; align with your values, create the space for you to feel accepted and empowered to express yourself.
“Should I stay or should I go?” Is it a tough time for your friend or just the way he/she is?
Does your friend want the best for you or is it just bad timing? It is critical to be able to distinguish between personality & character traits and personality & character state.
A ‘state’ is temporary, a phase – such as your friend going through a difficult and challenging experience in life (death, divorce, illness, loss, etc.) ‘Traits’ on the other hand are closer to permanency. In other words, if your friend constantly expresses negativity, envy, jealousy, resentment, anger and so forth, then this is an example of a character trait. If he/she is suffering right now, then he might be expressing these emotions temporarily. Accordingly, it is up to you to decide what you can handle, how you can help and support your friend, and when it becomes too much for you. Is he/she pulling you down and, he refuses to change and doesn’t appreciate your help?
A Friend Who Wants The Best For You – Seek Symbiosis
I believe there are primarily only two types of relationships – symbiotic and parasitic. Symbiosis is two people mutually benefitting each other; parasitism is one person feeding off the other. As mentioned above, there may be periods when you need to ‘feed’ (support) your friend when they can’t, but generally, the healthy relationship is mutual benefit and support.
Accordingly, seek people who aim up and forward, not facing down and looking back. Seek people who want the best for you and clearly demonstrate it in actions, not just words.
Finally, you can choose your friends, but you didn’t choose your family. However, when your family becomes toxic, consider the advice you would offer a friend experiencing the same thing. In other words, you still have a choice.
If you need help to break away from unhealthy relationships or to be set free from the past, from pain, abuse, hurts or disappointments, do what so many others have done: Resolve it rapidly and be set free of the pain with my SRTT process. Book a one-on-one session with me.
You can add to the conversation below.
I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D. Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.