60 Things Every Child Needs

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to like to reveal the 60 things every child needs to grow into a healthy adult.

First a quick update: 

The Breakup Quiz

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Real Life Tragedy – Do You Teach Morality & Ethics to Your Children?

Do you know the difference between morality and ethics? If your friend tells you a secret that could lead to his suffering or death, would you betray that secret? What do you teach your children? Watch the video­­

What does every child need from parents to grow into a healthy adult?

You have probably thought about some of the things you missed out on. Well, here is a list of 60 things every child needs to thrive. Beware – it might also surprise you over the things that you didn’t get. The very basics for survival are food, water, shelter, physical touch & affection.

1. Love (feeling loved and lovable)
2. Praise
3. Recognition
4. Acknowledgment
5. Encouragement
6. Sincere interest & concern
7. Time
8. Positive attention (for good behavior VS for negative behavior)
9. Undivided attention
10. Connection
11. Be seen
12. Be heard & listened to
13. Be understood
14. Be validated
15. Significance
16. Acceptance
17. Approval
18. Patience
19. Kindness
20. Tolerance
21. Forgiveness
22. Empathy
23. Compassion
24. Warmth, open heart
25. Teaching (education, life lessons, hope, optimism, resiliency, coping, self-efficacy)
26. Discipline
27. Guidance
28. Boundaries
29. Limits
30. Direction
31. Redirection
32. Physical touch and affection
33. Nurturing
34. Protection
35. Provision
36. Security
37. Stability
38. Stable adult relationships
39. Routine (leads to stability and security)
40. Consistency
41. Dependability/reliability/predictability
42. Safety
43. Safe environment
44. Comforting
45. Support (psychological)
46. Positive role models
47. Bonding
48. Being together
49. Companionship
50. Belonging
51. Feel wanted
52. Feel celebrated
53. Structured freedom (within boundaries and limits – time and venue)
54. Play
55. Self-expression
56. Developing-responsibility (age-appropriate responsibilities)
57. Interaction
58. Identity
59. Growth Mindset (‘you are not the mistake’)
60. A home (the experience of a safe place to return where they belong and are wanted)

Every Child Needs You To Do What Dogs Do

I often cite to clients this one of many lessons from dogs:

Have you noticed the way a dog celebrates when its owner arrives home? Your dog jumps for joy, runs in circles, jumps all over you, licks you and barks with excitement.

A dog has no fear to express its love and excitement for you.

But what happens when you arrive home?

Does your partner get excited to see you?

Do you get excited to see your children?

Did your parents get excited when you came home or when they saw you?

Did your parents celebrate your existence?

Every child needs its parents to celebrate its existence so they can feel wanted, loved, significant and belonging to a family. Many of my clients come to me for help because they felt unwanted or rejected; some parents even said, “I didn’t want you!”

Children are needy!

When you look at the above list of 60 things every child needs, it is safe to say children are needy, particularly when it comes to attention. For children, attention is equivalent to love, and negative attention results in Twisted Love – a twisted definition of love. For example, a child who experienced abuse will often believe that abusive attention is love, subconsciously concluding that they are not worthy of healthy love. Various clients who were abused or experienced negative attention (Twisted Love from abuse) will say, “I don’t know what healthy love is.”

Finally, two key points about what every child needs

1 Children want freedom, while parents want obedience. Remembering this point helps a parent to understand and navigate the clashes.

2 A parent still must meet and balance their needs. The marriage/relationship must come first, so that a child can feel safe, secure, and have positive role models – particularly with regards to the expression of love, the resolving of conflicts, and healthy relationships. One study reveals that “…the quality of the parents’ marriage has both direct and indirect long-term consequences for parent-child affection“ and divorce leads to other behavioral problems in children.

If you need help to heal the pain of not having had your needs met in childhood, resolve it rapidly and easily, and be set free of the pain with my SRTT process. Book a one-on-one session with me.

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.

Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist