Are You Exceptional; Are You A Grandiose Narcissist Or Victim Narcissist?

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the link between entitlement, exceptionalism and the Grandiose Narcissist or Victim Narcissist.

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Exceptionalism and The Grandiose Narcissist Or Victim Narcissist

We have all become so exceptional today, haven’t we?

We love to believe that we can do anything, be anything and have anything, anything at all. And it is our right! And we must have it now!

Social media and advertising constantly remind us of that.

In fact, we believe we must be so extremely different and unique, that we even want to have our own unique pronouns. And we expect the world to change and cater to us. After all, the world owes us something, doesn’t it? We are entitled!

‘And should something bad happen, and I feel any pain at all, then I should also be treated exceptionally. I am, after all, a grandiose narcissist and at other times, I am a victim narcissist!’

‘And should something bad happen, and I feel any pain at all, then I should also be treated exceptionally. I am, after all, a grandiose narcissist and at other times, I am a victim narcissist!’

Yes, the narcissist believes that the world revolves around him or her! He struggles to understand how good things can happen to bad people or how bad things can happen to good people.

Of course, good and bad things happen to good and bad people. There are so many things beyond our control in life.

And yet, most of us, keep asking the question, “Why me?”

Why was I attacked? Why was I abused? Why did my parents not love me? Why did my father walk out?  Why didn’t my husband/wife do…? Why did this bad thing happen to me? Why didn’t this good thing happen to me?

The question “Why me?” originates from one of two beliefs:

1. ‘I have complete control over my life and I therefore, create everything in my life’
2. ‘I am special/exceptional – therefore only good things should happen to me’

Egocentricity: I Control My World

Children believe that they create everything in their life; this is known as ‘egocentricity.’ Therefore, they also blame themselves when bad things happen or are done to them, even though, those things are blatantly out of their control i.e., mom/dad were abusive, neglectful, alcoholic, violent or drug addicts before the child came along; the child didn’t make them the way they are.

While it might be a subconscious belief that you cause and create everything, the result is that you take credit and blame for things that aren’t about you. The pain of self-blame (guilt and shame) leads to self-loathing and self-destructive behavior.

The Grandiose Narcissist or Victim Narcissist both are obsessed with self-importance and self-absorption!

I Am Special/Exceptional – The Grandiose Narcissist

The belief of “I am special/exceptional” relates to the Grandiose Narcissist or Victim Narcissist (also known as Vulnerable or Covert Narcissism.)

Both forms of narcissism relate to entitlement:

“Grandiose narcissism is defined by self-entitlement, a sense of superiority, and a need for admiration.” Source: https://www.psypost.org/2022/04/narcissism-study-sheds-new-light-on-the-relationship-between-grandiose-and-vulnerable-subtypes-62892

I Am Special/Exceptional – The Victim Narcissist

Vulnerable or Victim narcissism is characterized by a sense of entitlement but also an anxious and avoidant nature, stemming from playing the role of the victim: ‘I am so helpless and such a victim while you are all so lucky and blessed. Therefore, give me attention and make me special; I am entitled.” Both forms of narcissism – Grandiose and Covert/Victim/Vulnerable Narcissism reveal an extreme form of self-absorption and exceptionalism: ‘The world revolves around me!’ And they stem from subconscious, deep deficits in self-worth.

Entitlement is the belief, ‘I deserve great things and I don’t have to do anything to have them, least of all, to suffer or to experience any hardship.’

The more grandiose the narcissist is, the more he will also play the victim narcissist. Covert or victim narcissism is another form of manipulation via victimhood.

The Grandiose Narcissist or Victim Narcissist both are obsessed with self-importance, self-absorption and entitlement!

The Hard Truth For A Grandiose Narcissist Or Victim Narcissist

The world doesn’t owe you anything; the world does not revolve around you. You will suffer, you will experience disappointments and pain. Things will happen outside of your control. You cannot escape pain or loss, no matter which pronouns you use, how loudly you scream for attention or to what extent you try to cover yourself in cotton wool.

And if you want to feel special or exceptional, make a positive contribution and difference in someone else’s life.

I firmly believe that bad things can and will happen to me the same as any simple human. Though it makes me a bit anxious, it also propels me forward. I had a personal tragedy recently where my baby daughter passed away. For a parent, it doesn’t get much more traumatic than having to survive a child’s death. People were wondering why I didn’t seek out support groups, and after thinking about it, my answer just came to me. A lot of people who’ve suffered like this often dwell on the question “Why?” They ask why it happened to them and what they did to deserve this – or some variation of that. My thought was more along the lines of “Why NOT me?” There is nothing special about me that would make me or my children immune to sudden death. It was a lot of pain, but I needed to unpack it my way, and I did. I didn’t sugarcoat, I didn’t try to justify it, I didn’t ask “Why me?”; I didn’t blame anyone. This happens to thousands of parents a day, and I am just one of those unfortunate ones. I figured out a way to move forward with the pain. Now I hug my remaining children tight each day knowing that tomorrow is not promised to any of us no matter how awesome we may be.

If you need help to break free from an abusive or narcissistic relationship or to rebuild your self-worth and confidence, do it now gently, easily, and quickly with my SRTT process. I am also available for executive coaching. Book an SRTT session and be set free from the past.

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.

Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist