The Equality Wheel – What Is The Opposite Of Abusive Power & Control?

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the opposite of abusive power & control – the equality wheel.

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8 Indicators Of A Healthy Relationship – Equality Wheel

What do abusive people really want?

In my article “Power & Control – 8 Tactics Abusive Men Use To Control And Dominate”, I reveal that abusers seek to establish and maintain power and control over their partner. They want their partner to be extremely or totally dependent on them.

What, though, is the opposite of an abusive relationship?

Is it simply the absence of abuse?

Domestic violence and abusive behavior are more than just about violence and controlling behavior; they are also about the power imbalance – whereby the abuser has all the power. Therefore, a heathy relationship is about equality. It is about being equal but not being the same or a 50/50 split; it is about equal power and balance without one person being totally dependent on or controlled by the other and without intense fear for survival of self and loved ones.

A heathy relationship is about equality. It is about being equal but not being the same or a 50/50 split; it is about equal power and balance without one person being totally dependent on or controlled by the other and without intense fear for survival of self and loved ones.

Non-Violence & The Equality Wheel

The Domestic Abuse Intervention Project in Duluth, Minnesota, created an “Equality Wheel.” There are 8 spokes to the wheel that lead to non-violence and a healthy relationship.

Here are the 8 characteristics of equality in a relationship as identified in the Equality Wheel.

1. Non-Threatening Behavior

Talking and acting so that you feel safe and comfortable expressing yourself and doing things

The opposite to non-threatening behavior is Coercion and Threats: The abuser engages power & control over you by creating intense fear for your safety & survival.

2. Respect
Listening to you non-judgmentally
Being emotionally affirming and understanding
Valuing your opinions

The opposite to respect is Emotional Abuse – acts that degrade and humiliate you.

3. Trust And Support
Supporting your goals in life
Respecting your right to your own feelings, friends, activities, and opinions.

The opposite to trust and support is Isolation: By isolating you, the abuser establishes physical & psychological control over you.

4. Honesty And Accountability
Accepting responsibility for oneself
Acknowledging past use of violence
Admitting being wrong
Communicating openly and truthfully

The opposite to honesty and accountability is Minimizing, Denying, And Blaming: This involves actions that fall under the umbrella of Gaslighting.

5. Responsible Parenting
Sharing parental responsibilities
Being a positive, nonviolent role model for the children

The opposite to responsible parenting is Using Children – establishing power & control by making you afraid for your children – for their safety or having them taken away from you.

6. Shared Responsibility
Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work
Making family decisions together

The opposite to shared responsibility is Male Privilege: Treating you like a servant, degrading and devaluing you

7. Economic Partnership
Making financial decisions together
Making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements

The opposite to economic partnership is economic abuse: The denial of financial resources.

8. Negotiation And Fairness
Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict
Accepting changes
Being willing to compromise

The opposite to negotiation and fairness is Intimidation: Instilling fear in you and engaging in various actions to reinforce control over you.

If you need help to break free from an abusive relationship or to rebuild your self-worth and confidence, do it now gently, easily, and quickly with my SRTT process. I am also available for executive coaching. Book an SRTT session and be set free from the past.

You can add to the conversation below.

I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.

Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Tyourapist