In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal why and when you must cut out the addict from your life.
First a quick update:
“5 signs you are dating a sociopath”
Do you know how to recognize if your partner is a sociopath? What is the difference between a sociopath and psychopath? Emotional Mojo TV show hosts Michelle Yarn, Jada Jackson, Tara Gidus and I discuss and reveal the top characteristics of a sociopath. Watch the video here.
“Co-hosting the new show “Emotional Mojo” on YouToo cable Television”
Watch this inspirational and motivational TV show built around psychology and personal development but presented in a fast-paced morning news format.
“Miley Cyrus’ dad is lying – ashamed of her Twerking VMAs”
Miley Cyrus claims her dad says he would have Twerked if it was invented in his day but I say Billy Ray is lying and I also refer to the photo they took when she was 15 which reveals a strange connection between MIley and her dad. One of the signs of emotional incest or abuse is highly sexualized behavior & promiscuity. Watch the video here.
Now, let’s talk about why and when you must cut out the addict from your life.
“I’ve done it again…I gave the drug dealer my last twenty and he gave me the drugs. I sat there and smoked away my daughter’s food money for the next day. When all the drugs were gone; the realization of having spent my very last dime dawned on me…My frightened little daughter and I left the drug dealer’s house; walking down the street at 4 AM. The shame came pouring out of me, and I cried hysterically, ‘Mommy will never do it again, baby I am so sorry.’ She looked at me with hope and disbelief all at once, even at her young age. She’d heard this promise before. She already knew we’d come this way again.
And we did…” – “Soul Recovery – 12 keys to healing addiction”, Ester Nicholson
The above book tells the story of a woman who conquered cocaine addiction and domestic abuse to become a therapist, speaker, teacher, practitioner and a singer for some of the most famous names in music – Rod Stewart, Beyonce and Bette Midler.
Appearing on Emotional Mojo TV show, Ester reveals that it took radical steps by the people in her life to get her motivated to take action over her drug addiction.
Ester says she absolutely agrees that there comes a time to cut out the addict from one’s life:
“I know when I got sober over 26 years ago, that what motivated me was when everyone in my family said ‘you can’t come live with us anymore, we’re not gonna give you any money anymore we don’t wanna see you anymore and you can’t even see your daughter.’” (Watch the TV interview here ).
Cutting off an addict from one’s life is one of the toughest and most heart-wrenching decisions. And it is not always a black and white decision – if you cut off the addict, will that drive him/her further away from drugs or push him/her closer to drugs?
Here are 4 steps to help you decide and know when it is time to let go of the addict from your life.
1. The wake-up call
Ensure that you have taken every step to create awareness of the problem/addiction for the addict. This is pre-intervention. Most family members, spouses, friends, partners and colleagues of addicts report having tried conversations, threats and ultimatums – all to no avail.
2. Professional intervention
A professional interventionist is the top recommendation because they have the experience, knowledge and wisdom to know how to communicate with the addict as well as the most suitable rehab or professional help based on the individual addict’s needs and situation. If you are going to conduct a family intervention and a professional is not available then a couple of simple but critical steps are required – gathering everyone involved, connected and close to the addict (family members and loved ones), designating one person to speak only, creating a plan of action for the intervention and a plan of action for the next steps –detox center, rehab, professional counseling, etc.
For more on interventions, read my article.
3. The destructive effect
List clearly and in detail all of the ways that the addict’s problem and behavior is affecting you and your family (including his children, work and other relationships.) This list includes money, loss of work, arguments, disappointments, and of course, the emotional and psychological impact on you and his/her children. Abuse might also be involved – mental, verbal, emotional, physical, sexual or psychological abuse. And yes, clients have reported that they chose to ignore the abuse explaining it away as part of the addiction which, in turn, condones and only further enables the abuse and destructive behavior.
Also, openly list the ways that you might be enabling him/her and his/her addiction – giving them too many chances, giving them money which you know is being spent on drugs, removing or setting them free from responsibilities and accountability.
Read the article “Is addiction ruling your relationship?”.
4. 100% Effort
List everything that you have tried to do to help the addict to change and get help. This is critical so that you can see that you have given 100% and done all you can do to help him admit he has a problem as well as get the help he needs.
Once you have awakened to the realization that you must let go of the addict, then it is time to gather the family to make the announcement. The family might not all be in agreement but a united front is ideal. The family together can then make the announcement to the addict. Notice that this is similar to Ester Nicholson’s story above – her family and friends united to cut her off – from money, a place to live and from her own daughter; they were protecting the daughter.
Finally, once you have made the decision to cut from your life the addict, seek professional help for yourself and children if you have any. You will experience a range of emotions – loss, guilt, remorse, shame, blame, anger, disappointment, betrayal and so forth. You might even awaken to realize that you were codependent and there was some trauma or other subconscious motivations for your behavior. Watch the TV segment here.
The hope and desire are that your story and that of the addict in your life might blossom to a beautiful result of “wholeness, serenity and success” – as it did for Ester Nicholson (“Soul Recovery – 12 keys to healing addiction”).
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.