David Letterman, cheating & power

The following is a transcript of an interview between Russ Morley, host of 850 WFTL radio and Celebrity Life Coach and Human Behavior Expert, Patrick Wanis Ph.D. about David Letterman admitting that he had sex with various female workers from his show.

David Letterman:

The creepy stuff was that I have/had sex with women who work for me on the show.  Now, my response to that is, “Yes, I have.”  And would it be embarrassing if it were made public?  Perhaps it would.  Perhaps it would.  Especially for the women.  But that’s a decision for them to make, if they want to come public and talk about their relationships, if I want to go public and talk about the relationships.  But what you don’t want is a guy saying, “Oh, I know you had sex with women,” saying, “I would like $2 million or I’m going to make trouble for you.”  So that’s where we stand right now. 

Russ: I don’t know if it’s a shocking announcement or not.  David Letterman admitting the fact that he had sex with a bunch of, a number of women, in his what looks to be his office at work, the women he worked with on The David Letterman Show, his Worldwide Pants Organization.  He produces his own show out there and this seems to be the year of the cheater, that’s for sure. Are we becoming so morally bankrupt we just don’t care anymore, we’re not surprised anymore? Joining us this morning is Dr. Patrick Wanis, he’s a celebrity life coach and human behavior expert out of Miami.

Dr. Wanis, good morning.

Dr. Patrick Wanis: Good morning, Russ.

Russ: All right, first take on the David Letterman story, and I guess the whole thing that amazes me the most is the forgiveness we’ve issued to him already.

Dr. Wanis: Well, there are many reasons. First and foremost, he’s not an elected official so we have a different expectation of David Letterman.

Number two, he’s an entertainer.  So he’s there to entertain, he’s there to make us laugh.

Number three, he’s been in our homes for a long, long time so, you know, we have a different kind of connection, a different kind of bond, a different kind of relationship with him.

Number four, he came out and said it, and he’s very open and warm in the way he admits it.

Number five, look at what he said on Monday night when he was saying, “I’ve really hurt my wife,” and he starts to apologize to her.  And what I’m saying when I said, “Look at what he said, look at the way he said it, listen to his tone of voice and I’ve studied his body language, his head is bowed down as if he’s feeling ashamed of what he’s done, because his head’s down and he’s just sort of looking up at the camera but with his head down, which sort of signifies, “You know what?  I know I’m wrong, I know I’m guilty, I’m ashamed, I’m embarrassed.  What I’ve done is wrong.”  So he’s coming with his head in his hands and saying, “I’m wrong.”  So that’s another reason why we’re ready to forgive him.

And, you know, we don’t view, no one views David Letterman as a predator, he’s not a typically sexual being.  He’s, you know, like a nerd.  He’s like a geek.  So, again–

Russ: Well, that’s his TV persona.  We don’t know that behind the scenes.

Dr. Wanis:Right.  But you asked why the American public is forgiving him; because the American public views him as a nerd and they don’t view him as a predator and he’s not a priest that molested children.  And he’s not, you know, although he did have a girlfriend for 25 years whom he’s recently married and he had a kid to her, he’s not the politician or the other religious person that’s bashing the Bible and saying, “You people need to repent.  You’re all sinners and we must stop all the morality.”

So, you know, we expected a different standard from him is what I’m saying.

Russ: Okay, well, I opened this segment by a teasing with the–so why do men who seem to have it all – family, adoration, they have money and power – feel the need to cheat on their significant others?  What’s the attraction there other than just sexual gratification?

Dr. Wanis: Well, it’s the last word you said, it’s “power.”  And I’m going to say two things here and then I’ll explain why it’s power.  But the most important thing is that power is an aphrodisiac for women.

Now, why is that important?  Because being in a position of power and authority and influence, gives you greater access and greater opportunities to cheat, and greater temptation to cheat, than the average man has; because suddenly, these women are coming to you.

You see, when you’re in a position of power, authority and influence, you don’t have to go up to the women.  A lot of women will come up to you.  Think of rock stars and all the groupies, they don’t go chasing the women; the women come to them.

Now, what it also does, is it leads to cheating, that is power, because it can lead to delusions of invincibility, entitlement and of course, the male ego, which is “I want to dominate and conquer.”

So there it is.  You know, once that door is open, you’re in a position of power, authority and influence, all the conditions are ripe. There’s access, there’s opportunities, there’s temptation and then there’s the male ego, which says, you know, “I want to conquer, I want to have more women.  I want to put more notches in my belt.” And then they think, “You know what?  “I’m in such a position of power, no one can touch me.  No one can do anything to me.”

And the most recent classic example is the judge in Alabama, who brought in inmates into his, I don’t know whether it was his office or his room.  And these were male inmates.

Russ: Yeah?

Dr. Wanis:And he’d paddle them, he’d spank them on the bottom and then he’d give them either a lenient sentence or he’d give them other favors.

Russ: I don’t mean to laugh.  That’s sick.  I mean that really is.

Dr. Wanis:Well, it’s funny because if he wanted to do this sort of kinky sex, he didn’t have to do it this way. He could’ve gone and put on a mask and joined a fetish club and a fetish party and done exactly the same thing with males.

So again, this begs the question “why did he do it?”  Because it’s about the human desire for power.  It’s about him wanting the real power, not the acted out power in a fetish party or a swing party, but the power that he can actually control these people. He made them do it and they did it out of fear.  They did it out of fear of either being further punished or they did it out of the desire of having a more lenient sentence.  This all comes back to power. And it’s the same – it doesn’t matter whether we turn at politicians, musicians. You know, you have people who cheated like Mutt Lange, Shania Twain’s husband.

Russ: Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Wanis: You have people like obviously, Bill Clinton, Bill Murray.

Russ: All right.  Hey, Dr., I want you to just hang on a second.  We got to play a couple of commercials here.  Check traffic, we’ll come right back and pick this up.  I want to ask you next is what about Mrs. Letterman and Mrs. Kobe Bryant, Mrs. Clinton, Mrs. Mark Sanford, Mrs. Tim Mahoney, Mrs. Elliott Spitzer, the list goes on.  Should they or can they forgive these guys?  Pick that up coming up next on NewsTalk 850WFTL.  Good morning, it’s a Wednesday, October 7. 90s going to be your top today worth 77 right now.  It’s 10 minutes before 8 o’clock.

Part two – following a commercial break

Russ: Dr. Patrick Wanis starting this morning’s Celebrity Life Coach Human Behavior expert says it’s all about power when it comes to men cheating.  We’re talking about David Letterman picking up our conversation and where we left it. So, what about Mrs. Letterman?  Mrs. Kobe Bryant?  Mrs. Bill Clinton?  Mrs. Mark Sanford?  Mrs. Tim Mahoney?  Mrs. Elliott Spitzer?  Can they forgive and forget these things?

Dr. Wanis: Well, obviously, they can but each situation is different because when you mention Kobe Bryant, this is a guy who lied.  He didn’t just come out and say, “Okay, I cheated, I’m sorry.”  First, he lied, he denied it.  Then, you know, then finally, when he had no choice, he admits it. David Letterman’s admitted it to the public. He’s been doing it for a long time but under different circumstances. And he says when he was cheating he wasn’t married.

The first thing about cheating in a relationship is that it changes the dynamics of relationship because once the woman loses trust, you’ve lost the very foundation of the actual relationship.

The second thing, is the man truly, truly remorseful?  Will he promise to never do it again and is he willing to do the work to rebuild and regain the trust from the woman?  And then how much of herself has the woman invested in the relationship?

So it can survive cheating but it’s never quite the same because it’s usually very hard for the woman to regain or to put her full 100% trust back into the man. Again, I’m not saying it’s not possible; it’s just a lot harder. If it happens at an earlier stage in the relationship, it’s much easier.  But if it happens in the middle of the marriage, and it’s been going on for a long time, it’s usually much harder to rescue or to redeem the relationship.

Russ: Absolutely.  All right, Dr. Wanis, we’re out of time this morning.  Always pleasure having you on here this morning.  The Celebrity Life Coach and  Human Behavior expert from Miami, Dr. Patrick Wanis.  www.patrickwanis.com.  Dr. Patrick Wanis on NewsTalk, 850WFTL.