In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the reasons that it’s critical to your success to face the difficult and uncomfortable situations rather than to run or ignore them.
First a quick update:
“The secret to conquering your comfort zone”
The size of your comfort zone determines the size of your success. How do you break down the walls of your comfort zone. Watch the video here.
Now, let’s talk about why it’s critical for success to face the difficult and uncomfortable situations rather than to run or ignore them.
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to love someone when they are at their best and how hard it is to love that same person when they are at their worst?
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to commit to something which you expect will be fun or pleasing and how hard it is to fulfill that same commitment when it turns sour or extremely difficult?
Have you ever noticed how many times you have said it or heard someone say it to you “He/she just doesn’t respect me”?
We will often complain that someone isn’t living up to our expectations: times have become difficult and the other person wants to run; we are going through a challenging, painful phase and the other person becomes silent or ignores us; we have submitted a proposal and the buyer refuses to respond with a clear answer, instead he/she runs, hides or just doesn’t commit either way.
Do we also, though, expect the same of ourselves as we do of others?
Do we stand tall when things become really difficult or do we cower and run?
You might have heard the phrase: “When the going gets tough, the tough get going” i.e. when things become really difficult, the person of character faces the situation and takes positive action.
You cannot succeed in life without having character, integrity and intestinal fortitude; the way you treat people and the way you respond to challenges will determine your success.
You cannot be a leader, a father, a CEO or a boss and expect to retain that power, authority and influence unless you treat people with respect.
When your actions encourage people to turn away from you, then inevitably you lose your power – your ability to influence and lead others.
When you choose to evade and escape responsibility, you end up feeling bad about yourself – even if you are not consciously aware of it.
Strength of character and even happiness are directly connected to the level that you feel in control of your life. And when you flee, you are not in control of your life – it is in control of you.
Every day, in one way or another we are tested – our character and metal are tested; our spirit is tested.
“To try the spirit of men, of what mettle they are made of.” – Daniel Rogers’ Naaman the Syrian, his disease and cure, 1642
I have found that when we inherently know that what we are doing or continue to do is wrong, not only do we feel bad, but it creates greater stress, unhappiness, a lack of fulfillment and an inability to enjoy life. (The exception, of course, is people who have no conscience or lack the ability to feel empathy or compassion.)
It is not easy to share bad news, deny someone, decline a proposal or even admit that you are struggling financially and cannot replay a debt. These are all common challenges that we all face at some time.
“When you are tough on yourself, life is going to be infinitely easier on you.” – Zig Ziglar
There are often more negative consequences for failing to face a tough situation and take positive action (solution-oriented action) than there are for running away or ignoring the challenge at hand, hoping it will magically go away.
We choose to run, hide or ignore so that we can remain comfortable and safe. But there is always a price to pay – people turn away from us, they lose respect for us or they soon cut us off or stop doing business with us or we chip away at our self-esteem and self-image.
Possibly, the best way to overcome the fear of taking tough action is to imagine how you would want to be treated if you were on the receiving end:
In November 2006, Britney Spears dumped her then estranged husband via text message. Watch the video here. Today, eight years later, texting has become a truly integral part of our communication, but again, breaking off a relationship or marriage via a text message reveals a lack of respect for the other person and a cowardly approach.
It is easy to let emotion take over or to seek the most comfortable way out, but a leader and role model – a person of responsibility and accountability faces the uncomfortable challenge. How would you feel if you were the person being dumped via text message?
“Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.” – Albert Einstein
Tom owes Jane, a subcontractor for her services. They have a personal relationship and four months pass without payment. Tom fails to communicate the situation that his company is in and dodges all communications by Jane.
He feels ashamed and guilty that his company cannot repay the debt.
However, Tom chooses what he thinks is the easy way out: he says and does nothing. But the consequences are tremendous for Tom: their friendship ends because Tom is ignoring Jane and she advises other people to stay away from Tom’s company.
“Be willing to be uncomfortable. Be comfortable being uncomfortable. It may get tough, but it’s a small price to pay for living a dream.” – Peter McWilliams (author of 40 books)
Facing your fear
What pushes us to stay in our comfort zone?
What prevents us from taking action?
But fear of what?
- Fear of conflict or confrontation
Conflict holds the potential of strengthening or weakening a relationship. The frequency of the conflict is not nearly as critical or as relevant as the response and outcome of the conflict. Read my article “Stop running from conflict – Emotionally/Conflict Avoidant personality”.
- Fear of facing our own shame and guilt
We know we have done wrong and we are not willing to work on correcting the situation and we flee from feeling guilt; however, the guilt dissolves when we choose to correct the situation. Read my article “Shame and worthiness – 4 tips to overcome shame”.
- Fear of being judged and criticized
Again, we know we have done the wrong thing but refuse to accept the consequences
- Fear of rejection
There is a greater chance of being rejected when we choose to hide and not stand up and correct the problem
- Fear of failure
We fear failure because we think we are in impostor. Read my article “Are you an impostor?” and Overcoming the Fear of Failure.
- Fear of success
This relates also to the subconscious belief that we don’t deserve the success and therefore we sabotage our success. Watch the video “Self-sabotage and Law of Deservedness”.
One way to conquer fear is to think about focusing on the other person and what their experience will be when you do nothing. In other words, focus on helping the other person. It’s very difficult to experience fear when you place your energy on contributing to others and making a difference.
Ultimately, we all know that tough action and bravery are required for tough situations; when we choose to tackle the greatest challenge first, life does become easier. After all, we cannot truly run from our life, but we can choose to run our own life!
“If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And if it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.” – Mark Twain
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.