In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal action steps you can take to overcome the grieving and pain we are all experiencing as a result of Covid-19.
First a quick update:
The Breakup Test
Are you heartbroken, angry, lost, lonely, confused, depressed, hung up, or pining over your ex? Do you know how your ex is truly affecting you and do you want to benefit from personalized advice, action steps and revelations? Take my free breakup test and get your own personalized report.
Covid-19 – What Really Matters To You Now?
The Covid-19 Pandemic has disrupted life and the world with losses, confusion, uncertainty, lockdowns, illnesses and deaths. What gives meaning to your life? Do you miss the possessions, the job, the people or something else? At the end of your life, what will you regret? Watch my video
Now, let’s talk about action steps you can take to overcome the grieving and pain we are all experiencing as a result of Covid-19.
What is truly shocking and unexpected is that the pandemic has also dug up old wounds – losses prior to the pandemic which were never fully resolved, and together with the losses from the Pandemic, the grieving is close to overwhelming for many people.
You might be feeling sad, alone, unsupported, numb, heavy, guilty, confused, fearful, angry, lonely, relieved, disconnected, hopeless, meaninglessness, and experiencing insomnia, fatigue, teariness, fond memories now turning painful, distorted eating habits, decreased concentration, and obsessive behaviors.
In my last newsletter, I revealed the 7 myths that we have created regarding grieving, and how those myths prevent us from overcoming the pain of loss and change. Recovering from grief implies finding new meaning and purpose while also being able to revisit fond memories free of pain. Here are 9 action steps to help you.
1. Loss Timeline
Write a timeline of the losses in your life (pre and post Covid-19.) This helps you to conceptualize your losses. Include here deaths, breakups, major life events & changes, and any other losses.
2. Support Partner
Find someone who will be your support partner. Commit to unconditionally supporting each other with complete mutual trust, honesty and confidentiality. Total honesty with yourself and to others about the experience and your feelings is critical to your recovery. If you are not ready for a partner, start with yourself – be honest with yourself about everything you feel.
3. Debunk The Myths
Identify the myths surrounding grieving (this helps you to notice whether or not you are processing the grieving or repressing it and repressing the pain.)
4. Call Out Unhelpful Behaviors
Identify escapist behaviors that restrain or conceal the emotions which need to be gently confronted: alcohol, movie/TV/Internet bingeing, exercise, shopping, porn, workaholism.
5. Receive Kindness And Acceptance
If you have a support partner, plan to meet and eye-to-eye share your emotions; hug and caress, particularly if you are a kinesthetic person. Remind your partner just to listen and be empathetic but not offer advice or use unhelpful or undermining phrases such as “I know how you feel…You shouldn’t be feeling that way still…Look on the bright side..” No one really knows how you feel – only you do!
6. Relationship Graph
You are in a relationship with everything not just friendships or committed romantic partnerships. You are in a relationship with your job, house, apartment, possessions, boss, colleagues, neighbors and so forth. To effectively let go implies seeing the entirety of the relationship. Draw a horizontal line. Above the line, list the positive experiences/attributes/memories of this ‘relationship’; below the line list the negative aspects, memories, attributes and hurts of this ‘relationship.’ When I did this for my relationship with my father, I was sincerely shocked about the amount of positive attributes he possessed.
7. Reality Check
If you pause, you will realize that the majority of your pain stems from wanting things to be different – the inability (struggle and refusal to accept) that things are not the way you want them to be. Perhaps you want the past to be better, different or to never end. We often fall into the misconception and expectation that things, relationships, and people will last forever and never change or, worse, that they will change the way we want. List those ‘things’ (people, events, lifestyle) that you have been struggling to accept.
8. Resolution Letter
I teach that resolution refers to completing the communication – saying and expressing everything that you feel or felt as well as gaining and seeing the complete picture of the relationship/event. Write a letter, speaking to this person or even to this job/event. Answer these questions:
For what do you feel angry and resentful? How did they hurt you? Can you forgive them? For what do you feel guilty? How did you hurt or disappoint them? Can you forgive yourself? For what do you feel grateful and appreciative? What did you want to say or express that you never did? What did you want that you never got? Can you choose to accept that now? What will you do with your life now to give it new meaning? Will you take full responsibility for your life now?
9. New Meaning – New Future
Nothing remains the same forever; everything is temporary or transient. Loss cannot ever be truly replaced. Everything, and everyone, is unique in their own way and therefore cannot be replaced. However, you can find new meaning and new joy in life. Pause and choose how you will give your life new meaning.
*Some of the above steps and concepts are adapted from The Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James and Russell Friedman.
If you feel overwhelmed by the thought of doing these steps on your own, then consider working with a professional. I also use a special technique for grieving Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique (SRTT) which helps set you free without reliving the pain. One client has been unknowingly sabotaging herself and staying stuck in pain to ‘honor the death’ of her grandma. At the end of the session, she felt relieved and, felt gratitude for her grandma; she now turned those painful memories back into joyful and fond memories of her! Book a one-on-one session with me.
You can add to the conversation below.
If this newsletter was forwarded to you and would like to receive all of my newsletters please enter your email address on the home page at PatrickWanis.com.
I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.