In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to highlight the significance of listening by using the example of a woman who was fooled by a man.
First a quick update:
“Is your partner cheating?”
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“Are you a victim, rescuer or persecutor?”
What roles do you play? The drama triangle in relationships consists of playing roles in relationships – the Victim needs saving by the Rescuer who also is criticized by the Persecutor. We play these dysfunctional roles to get love. Watch the video: https://youtu.be/HeQkVJrk66s
Now, let’s talk about the significance of listening by using the example of one woman who was fooled by a man because she failed to listen.
How well do you listen when someone is speaking directly to you and only to you?
Do you listen to every word or do you just wait till he/she finishes so you can say what you wanted to say?
In this example, the female journalist was interviewing a man and she was obviously not listening to his responses – she was simply waiting for the chance to ask her next rehearsed question.
Yasmin Vossoughian, host of HLN’s The Daily Share was interviewing Jon Hendren via Skype about Edward Snowden, the NSA whistleblower.
It seems that possibly the TV news cable channel contacted the wrong Jon Hendren about his support for Edward Snowden following Snowden’s decision to join Twitter.
As it turns out, this Jon Hendren is a comedian and writer who began quickly to refer to Edward Scissorhands (the character from the Tim Burton movie) instead of Edward Snowden. He even clearly referred to Edward Scissorhands as a martyred hero!
Yasmin Vossoughian: “There is classified information out there that was released that could have feasibly harmed people. Do you think that Snowden’s actions were worth that risk?”
Hendren responds: “Well, you know, to say that he couldn’t harm somebody with what he did, like he could, absolutely, he could. But to cast him out, to make him invalid in society simply because he has scissors for hands – I mean, that’s strange. People didn’t get scared until he started sculpting shrubs into dinosaur shapes and whatnot.”
Absurdly, Vossoughian doesn’t mention that her interviewee just referred to Edward Scissorhands by saying “scissors for hands” and that “he started sculpting shrubs into dinosaur shapes.” Instead she blindly continues:
“Now, Snowden’s living in Russia. Some people say it’s hypocritical that Snowden has asylum in Russia. Russia has a lot of human rights violations.”
Hendren calmly responds: “Casting him out is completely wrong. We’re treating him like an animal, somebody who should be quarantined and put away. Just because he was created on top of a mountain by Vincent Price, and incomplete, with scissors for hands and no heart…Edward Scissorhands is a complete hero to me.”
Hendren has just clearly reiterated that he is talking about Edward Scissorhands not Edward Snowden and yet she wasn’t listening.
Vossoughian: “But what about the choice he made to live in a country like Russia?”
Hendren: “I mean, where else is he going to go? You know? We cast him out. We got scared when he poked a hole in a waterbed with his scissor fingers, and that was unreasonable of us.”
Vossoughian: “Well, Jon, I appreciate you giving us your opinion.”
Why did she say that when she wasn’t actually listening to his words or opinion?
This man, Jon Hendren didn’t simply prank or troll Yasmin Vossoughian; he actually made a fool out of her.
He exposed her as a TV journalist who in this particular instance does not listen and has no interest or concern in what the responses are to her questions.
However, this article is not about Yasmin Vossoughian.
It is about the way people often talk to each other and yet are not truly interested in what the other person has to say. This scenario could be any two people of any gender and any relationship (business or personal) who are talking and yet failing to actually listen to what is being said; two people who are failing to respond specifically to what is actually being said, and are instead simply rambling off the next point or next question.
“I never learned anything while I was talking.” – Larry king – host of Larry King Live on CNN for 25 years
In language, we express by the way we speak and write and we understand by the way we listen and read.
You cannot form, develop and strengthen relationships without effective listening skills. You cannot express that the person speaking is important unless you are listening attentively.
You can, though, disrespect a person or destroy a relationship when you choose to not effectively and attentively listen to what is being said.
Can you imagine the outcome if an emergency phone call was made and the emergency responder was Yasmin Vossoughian, displaying in that moment the same behavior that she did with her interviewee Jon Hendren? The outcome would be devastating.
Good listening is critical to relationships and success in life.
Remember, hearing is physical while listening is following and understanding the sound. Good listening consists of three basic skills: Attitude (be open and positive), Attention (full undivided attention), and Adjustment (ask questions to properly understand the message or response.)
Remember, Mary Kay Ash, who created a cosmetics empire taught:
“Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, ‘Make me feel important.’ Not only will you succeed in sales, you will succeed in life.”
You cannot make anyone feel important if you are not fully listening to them!
If you want further help and support, consider a private, one-on-one session with me. Click here to book your session. https://www.patrick-wanis.com/phone-consultations/
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.