In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about the need for men to embrace change.
First a quick update:
“Why don’t you change?”
Men are shocked to learn that their female partner has changed, and women are shocked to learn that their male partner doesn’t want to change. Read more
Follow me on Twitter– You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert
“He’s not the man I fell in love with”
Did he really change? Did you know the real man inside or only the man you were hoping he would become? Watch the video:
Now, let’s talk about the need for men to embrace change.
A CNN reporter asked me for my insights about why men seem to find it harder to change than women do.
I responded that women expect change more than men do because of the biological differences between the male and female. Accordingly, they are highly adaptive.
The female constantly changes, starting with puberty onwards as her hips widen, her breasts form and she begins to menstruate. As a female matures, she experiences many more changes with a peak in fertility in her mid 20s and menopause around age 45.
Thus, a woman knows from an early age to expect biological changes (and pregnancy and childbirth must also be included here.) Men obviously do not have these constant changes and cycles and are not taught to expect as many changes.
In turn, generally speaking, women embrace change and are highly adaptive – always seeking out the changes and latest trends in fashion and culture. A recent study reveals that women are more likely than men to purchase tablets, laptops and smartphones – three out of the four top consumer electronics categories.
“To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.” – Winston Churchill
My point is women are more accustomed to change than men, although they also seek out and prioritize security more than men do. The more adaptive behavior in women and more risk-taking behavior in men when combined can lead to greater innovation. (Due to multiple factors, there are historically many more male inventors than female inventors.) Source: @PsychologyToday
The second key point I shared with the CNN reporter is that we are all being forced to change and adapt to the change because of the uncertainty and instability that exists today (culturally, emotionally, financially and politically.)
Further, the extraordinary speed of technological change and advancements is also challenging us to change and adapt. On a regular basis we are exposed to and offered new Apps, new gadgets & devices, and new morphing technologies (i.e. the self-driving car, and wearable technologies.)
Whatever your definition of success might be, you cannot achieve success unless you are willing and able to adapt to the change – regardless of your gender.
One of the key areas that women complain about men is the reluctance, resistance or refusal by men to change in personal relationships.
I explained to the CNN reporter that I partially attribute this to programming and cultural expectations of men to be constant, stable, rock solid, and to perform a specific role such as provider and protector. Men are in many ways programmed to win the woman but not taught what is required to ensure a happy, meaningful and fulfilling relationship or marriage with her (other than the basics of providing and protecting.) Few men are prepared for the many changes that every woman will go through as she matures and evolves! And even less men are taught to expect that their female partner will want and expect the man to change for her – even if she says it is for him that she wants him to change.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Viktor E. Frankl
The key point here is that today, more than possibly ever before, we are being challenged to change – and on so many levels. We are learning more and more about the ways we must change our lifestyle – the foods we once ate are not as healthy or as safe as we once thought; we need to move our bodies (too much sitting is killing you ), we need to become clearer about our values, priorities and what we truly want in life; we need to adapt to the constant rapidly evolving technologies which impact every area of our life, and; we need to adapt to the people around us who are also changing and evolving.
Men, don’t wait for the personal crisis; don’t wait for the wife to actually issue divorce papers or for someone close to become seriously ill; don’t wait for you to awaken to the fact that time has run out; act now. Listen to the people around you; hear what they have to say and consider it thoughtfully and thoroughly, and then take the appropriate action. Choose happiness over ego, pride or the need to be right.
Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. – George Bernard Shaw
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. – Leo Tolstoy
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.