In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal one powerful tip to help you empower your child with self-belief and confidence.
First a quick update:
“Dads, hug your sons!”
A Father has a tremendous impact on his children. Did you know that boys become more masculine when their father hugs them? Read the article and also learn about how roughhousing helps the brain develop: https://patrickwanis.com/blog/dads-hug-your-sons/
Follow me on Twitter – You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert
“Overcoming Working Mom Guilt”
There are plenty of ups and downs with motherhood. And when it comes to being a working mom, many mothers reveal they feel guilty for being at work and not being home with the children. Watch the video and master the ways to overcome the guilt for being a working mom: https://youtu.be/CsI9hNizvEo
Now, let’s talk about one powerful tip to help you empower your child with self-belief and confidence.
Many of my clients state that they wish that they had had someone who believed in them, supported and encouraged them when they were children.
Without support, encouragement and someone who believes in him, a child will grow up to have self-doubt, insecurity, anxiety, and will constantly be unsure and wavering about his abilities.
The stories from many of my clients have common threads: the parents were too busy to notice the child (child felt invisible); when the parents did notice the child, it was for mistakes and they harshly criticized or condemned the child or, expected perfection (child becomes a perfectionist, anxious or constantly fears failure.)
In the 1980s, another movement began by parents who were harshly criticized as children – tell the child he/she is innately wonderful, a winner, amazing, deserves to be a winner, and deserves to have it all. The result of that parenting is seen in millennials who are narcissistic, entitled, anxious, hyperactive and often medicated!
Parents incorrectly think that the solution to one extreme is another extreme – ‘If we were criticized as children, we will do the opposite and constantly buildup our children no matter what they do or how they behave.’ As I will explain, that approach fails and has failed because the child isn’t challenged to succeed, isn’t taught responsibility, accountability or consequences; nor is he/she taught to actually use all of his/her full potential.
Further, the child subconsciously doubts the coaching of the parents because the child sees that he/she has done nothing to deserve it – there is no actual cause and effect, and therefore the child becomes entitled while simultaneously suffering from anxiety because as an adult he/she knows not how to manage and control his/her life.
What is the solution?
Here is one simple tip to help a child to believe in himself – to believe in his own abilities. I will explain it with a story.
A few years ago, one of my nephews, aged 5 at the time, climbed a wooden fence. He was excited and proud of himself as he got to the top of the fence on his own. Then he suddenly started hollering, “Help! Help!”
‘What’s wrong?’, I asked.
“I can’t get down. Help!”
‘What do you mean you can’t get down?’, I replied.
“I can’t get down. Help me.”
At this point I could have just picked him up and put him on the ground. And then I could have told him how amazing he is for climbing up, and told him not to worry that he couldn’t get down.
Instead, with a matter-of-fact tone of voice, I said ‘You got up there, so you can get down.’
“No. I can’t.”
‘Who told you that you can’t? You just climbed up there, so you can now climb down’, I said once again in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. ‘You can do it. You did it getting up there, so you can do it getting down as well.’
In a matter of moments, moving one foot at a time, he climbed down, smiled at me and I said, ‘See. I told you that you could do it!’
He went on his way and continued to play.
You cannot instill self-confidence into a child, until you can instill in them the sense that they have the ability to conquer the challenge.
A similar incident occurred on a separate occasion when the same nephew was shouting out that he needed help because he couldn’t get his sweater on and button it up.
You already know how I responded: ‘Yes, you can do it.’ This time, though, I added, ‘Do it slowly and think and do up one button at a time. You can do it.’
And yes, he succeeded. I offered help only when he truly needed it.
The words, “You can do it!” are truly powerful and critical to a child (and adults for that matter) because once the mind believes it can be done, the subconscious mind looks for a way to do it!
Further, to properly comprehend and learn a new skill, 3 simple steps are required:
- Explain the process and how to do it
- Show the child/student how to do it i.e. demonstrate it
- Watch the child/student do it and offer feedback after they have done it – including appropriate praise and validation.
In closing, remember these key points if you want to empower your child to believe in him/herself:
Let your tone of voice emit the energy and confidence that you have that the child has the ability to succeed, perform or conquer a challenge
Be patient, encourage the child to keep trying and to think carefully and calmly
Praise the child for measurable success and results; yes, praise the effort while not ignoring the result.
Use the words “You can do it.”
Finally, consider saying, as I said to a child in a class of primary school children I was teaching who responded with “I don’t know” when I asked a question: “You do know the answer, you just haven’t thought about it yet!”
You can post your comment on this newsletter below:
If this newsletter was forwarded to you and would like to receive all of my newsletters please enter your email address on the home page at PatrickWanis.com.
I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.