In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal why you need to overcome the fear of speaking about money and debt.
First a quick update:
The Breakup Test
Are you heartbroken, angry, lost, lonely, confused, depressed, hung up, or pining over your ex? Do you know how your ex is truly affecting you and do you want to benefit from personalized advice, action steps and revelations? Take my free breakup test and get your own personalized report.
Your Subconscious Beliefs About Worthiness & Relationships – Law Of Deservedness
Your life and relationships mirror your subconscious beliefs. What do you believe you are worth? Are you worthy of healthy relationships, of being heard, respected and appreciated? Do you believe you are bad – do you suffer from guilt or shame? Do you set boundaries and place limits? Watch my video
Now, let’s talk about why you need to overcome the fear of speaking about money and debt.
Are you still dating? And if not, think back to when you were dating; what were the things that you most felt comfortable speaking about with your date, prior to committing?
Did you both easily discuss hobbies, travel, food, music, fashion, sports, religion, politics, sex, work, career, dating history, family?
What about money and debt?
The one topic that rarely comes up in dating is money. Yes! People will talk about their favorite sexual position before they will talk about their financial position.
Why is money taboo? What is the fear of money?
There is an actual term for the intense fear of money: Chrometophobia (also called Chrematophobia.) This can refer to the fear of dealing with money, the physical handling and touch of money, losing money, managing money & its responsibilities or, being corrupted by money – greed, obsessiveness and over spending.
However, there is another form of fear of money which also often drives people to hide or not discuss their debt; that fear is the connection of money to power, influence and approval or to shame and rejection. In other words, if you are doing well financially, you might feel happy or proud to discuss your status. In fact, financial success is often something many men use to win over women.
If, on the other hand, you are deep in debt or have bad money habits and little “cash to splash”, then you might feel guilty and ashamed, and you might hide and keep it a secret out of fear that the other person won’t accept you and will, in fact, run.
After all, money and debt reveal a lot about a person – their character, habits and values. And, the choice to be honest about your financial status and debt also reveals a lot about your character!
If you choose to keep secret your money status and debt, then there’s also a high likelihood that you’re keeping something else secret. You might win over the other person today but tomorrow when the secret is revealed, you will lose him/her and the relationship.
A recent survey by finder.com found that three out of four people say that they would reconsider a romantic relationship based on the type and amount of debt their dating partner has.
The top three unacceptable forms of debt cited by respondents are credit card, student loan and payday loan debt. These three forms of debt represent high interest debt, and, respondents gave specific amounts of debt that were acceptable or unacceptable. Watch the video for details.
The point is that we have learned and been programmed to attach extraordinary significance to money, the amount of money that we make, and the amount of debt we amass. Accordingly, money forms part of your identity, and therefore unless you feel extremely proud of the amount of money you have amassed along with low debt, there’s a good chance you won’t tell the other person about your financial state.
It is also true that we associate guilt and shame around debt unless of course that debt is somehow linked to the potential of making more money (investment in a business or opportunity) and then we gladly celebrate the ‘investment.’
The point here is that if you want to create a long-lasting, meaningful and rewarding relationship, then you need to be honest with your potential partner and so does he/she need to be honest with you – from the beginning.
Sharing openly your financial situation creates the opportunity for both of you to quickly determine if you share the same value and perspective around money and debt.
It’s critical to identify from the beginning the ways each of you handle and perceive money because the answers will also reveal a lot about your character and core values:
Can you control yourself and your impulses? Are you a money-monk, a spender, a saver or a money-avoidant? Do you fear or loath money? Do your self-worth issues lead to financial self-sabotage? Do you have a gambling or shopping addiction? Do you believe in planning or living for the moment? Are your debts the result of greed, instant gratification, addictions, poor planning or an emergency or challenging phase (illness, loss or work, etc.)?
Remember, too, your debt and money habits will impact and affect your partner; he/she might have to pay off or help pay off your debts!
If you both choose now to be honest, you have the opportunity to learn about each other and decide if you want to build a life together, learn from each other, and help and support each other.
If you need personal help to change your perceptions around money including self-worth, book a one-on-one session with me.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.