How Long Does It Take To Get Over A Divorce?

In this week’s Success Newsletter, 

How long it takes to get over a divorce.

First a quick update:

The Breakup Test

Are you heartbroken, angry, lost, lonely, confused, depressed, hung up, or pining over your ex? Do you know how your ex is truly affecting you and do you want to benefit from personalized advice, action steps and revelations? Take my free breakup test and get your own personalized report.

Are Your Friends Parasites? Do They Just Take & Feed Off You?

All relationships fall into one of two categories: parasitic (one person living and feeding off the other person) and symbiotic (the two people mutually supporting and benefitting each other.) A parasite can feed off you mentally, emotionally or energetically. Watch my video 

Now, let’s talk about how long it takes to get over a divorce.

On which do people spend more time, energy and money – the wedding or the divorce? On which event are people generally much more creative and devoted – the wedding or the divorce.

The average wedding costs $35,000, the engagement lasts 15 months, the diamond engagement ring costs $6,000, and the honeymoon is eight days long.

The average divorce costs $300,000, a person spends about two years thinking about divorce before taking action, 50% of marriages end in divorce or separation, 41% of first marriages end in divorce, 60% of second marriages end in divorce, and “There are 9 divorces in the time it takes for a couple to recite their wedding vows.” Source: https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/

Interestingly, people spend more energy and become even more creative when it comes to divorce than weddings i.e. people become more ‘creatively’ malicious and revengeful with the divorce and following the divorce than they are creatively romantic in preparing for the wedding and the honeymoon.

One study conducted over 18 years reveals that divorce has a long-lasting impact and that even 6 years after the divorce, people had still not revived their level of life satisfaction to what it was prior to the marriage, men are even more unhappy than women following divorce, married adults who divorce are less satisfied with their lives prior to marriage than adults who get married and do not divorce.

So what happened to the expression, “Time heals all wounds”?

Well, it simply isn’t true. Not at all.

If time were to heal everything including psychological pain, then the older you get the healthier and happier you would be, and you would never be talking about anything bad or negative that happened in the past. In fact, you would be free of all issues and negative emotions.

Time on its own does nothing to relieve the pain of loss!

The truth to getting over a divorce or any relationship breakup is that you need to use your time wisely.

In other words, the solution to getting over a divorce depends on what you do within the space of time.

Studies reveal that women initiate divorce twice as much as men, but breakups in non-marital relationships remain gender-neutral

First, understand that the model of the grieving process popularly recognized and cited as “Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance” does not actually apply to the grieving of marriages or relationships. This model was first presented by Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying as she postulated that this is the model of emotional progression for people diagnosed with terminal illnesses.

Accordingly, be careful and wary of thinking that you have to go through specific stages of grieving to get over a divorce or any relationship breakup or loss.

Second, you are still probably wondering how long recovery might take; well the amount of healing you will need to do will depend on variables such as:

• How long you were together?
• What caused the breakup – incompatibility or betrayal of some form?
• Did you leave or were you left behind?
• Was the divorce a surprise to you or were you expecting or even hoping for it?
• Were you more committed to the marriage than your partner?
• Was there abuse in the relationship?
• Is your primary emotion currently sadness, anger, distress or relief?
• Do you blame yourself?
• Do you feel completely alone or incapable without your spouse?
• Do you have children together; will you be forced to see each other on a regular basis because of the children?
• Did you depend on your partner financially?
• Will you be worse off financially, and, does that trigger anger, bitterness or feelings of revenge?
• What is your perception and judgments about the act of divorce?
• What is your current self-image and what judgments have you made abot yourself as a result of and following the divorce?
• Have you identified what brought you and your spouse together and what ripped you apart i.e. what are your deeper issues?

Next, if you want to speed up the time that it takes to get over a divorce then consider these key questions:

• Why did the marriage end? Be honest with yourself; what was the real cause and in what way did you contribute?
• What can you learn from this experience and the mistakes made?
• What do you need to accept over which you have no control?
• Whom do you need to forgive and accept?
• How can you express more compassion to yourself?
• What are the things you need to accept about yourself and what are the things that you need and can change about yourself?

The first step might be to begin writing or journaling to answer all of the above questions. Consider journaling by hand on paper (not typing), and set aside quiet time to do it. Once you have gained insights into yourself, motivations, and conscious and subconscious beliefs, take action to get professional help to release the pain and change those limiting or self-defeating beliefs so that you can be open again to express and receive love. Listen to and use my audio book/program “GET OVER YOUR EX NOW!”

If you need personal help to overcome a divorce or loss, book a one-on-one session with me.

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist