Whats Your Chemistry? The Four Love Types Builder, Explorer, Director, Negotiator

Whats Your Chemistry? The Four Love Types: Builder, Explorer, Director, Negotiator

Whats Your Chemistry? The Four Love Types Builder, Explorer, Director, Negotiator

Whats Your Chemistry? The Four Love Types
Builder, Explorer, Director, Negotiator

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the four love types that determine your chemistry and to whom you will be attracted and compatible with.

First a quick update:

The Breakup Test
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Do Women Cheat More Than Men? Survey
Men cite cheating by their partner as the number 1 reason for breaking up, while women cite cheating as number 5, according to new online survey of breakups. “Research reveals that men cheat at higher rate than women (22% VS 14%), so this finding suggests that women are more forgiving than men when it comes to cheating. Watch my video

Now, let’s talk about the four love types that determine your chemistry and to whom you will be attracted and compatible with.

When you are in love, your brain experiences the same high as if you were on the drug cocaine. Psychological factors such as values, education, intelligence, socioeconomic background, interests, hobbies and faith account for reasons that people fall in love but fails to explain chemistry.

What is real chemistry?

Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, PhD, author of “Anatomy of Love” and “Why Him? Why Her? – Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type” argues that there are four neural systems that motivate the way you broadly think and behave, as well as your chemistry with others and what you seek in romance: dopamine, serotonin, testosterone, and estrogen/oxytocin.

While each one of us possesses a mixture of all four neural systems or chemically based personality types, Dr. Fisher’s work shows that everyone has two main focuses – a primary personality type and a secondary personality type.

Below is an overview of the four personality types and their corresponding matches.

Explorer – “Born free” – Dopamine – curious & spontaneous
Explorers are creative, adventurous, novelty seeking, risk-taking, curious, energetic, mentally flexible, generous, optimistic, spontaneous, friendly, enthusiastic, skilled at talking and listening.

Strengths can also be weaknesses: Explorers don’t like routine social or business events or routine of any kind; they can be impulsive and impatient.

Explorers are attracted to Explorers because of the freedom they each value, and they make great companions

Builder – “Pillars of society” – Serotonin – sociability & calmness
Builders are traditional, conventional, cautious but not fearful, calm, social, popular, managerial, orderly, loyal, thorough, conscientious, punctual, well-organized. They are called Builders because they enjoy building networks of close friends, community, and family; they are methodical, dependable and hard-working.

Strengths can also be weaknesses: they can be stubborn; stuck in order, rules, and schedules; can be pessimistic, rigid and overly literal.

Builders are attracted to other Builders because they seek tradition and convention and the literal; they prize security above all else.

Director – “Shoot for the stars” – Testosterone – independent & rational
Analytical, logical, direct, decisive, tough-minded, exacting, competitive, forthright, pragmatic, objective, skeptical. They are strategic-thinkers and are skilled at higher math, mechanics, computers, engineering and/or music.

Strengths can also be weaknesses: their confidence can verge on bragging; their focus on the goal and project can make them aloof, distant and cold; they lack social skills; forthrightness can be perceived to be rude.

Directors are attracted to Negotiators because of Negotiator’s ability to be emotionally expressive, flexible, and empathetic, and therefore be able to adeptly handle Directors.

Negotiator – “Philosopher”- Estrogen – Intuitive & creative
Imaginative, intuitive, compassionate, altruistic, idealistic, agreeable, introspective, analytical, flexible, empathetic, emotionally expressive, trusting, and nurturing. They possess verbal skills and people skills (reading facial expressions, body language and tone of voice); they excel at consensus building and long-term planning. Emotional intimacy is important to Negotiators.

Strengths can also be weaknesses: Negotiators can tend to be people-pleasers and thus appear to be weak; afraid of confrontation can turn them into backstabbers; emphasis on analysis can turn into rumination instead of action.

Negotiators are often attracted to their opposite, Directors. In the same way that the high testosterone (Directors) needs the compassionate person who’s also skilled verbally and socially, so too, does the high estrogen need the opposite – high testosterone to be more decisive, logical and pro-active.

Again, it is critical to note that everyone possesses each of the four neural systems: men and women each have the sex hormones (testosterone and estrogen) and two neurotransmitters (dopamine and serotonin.)

No one personality type is superior or inferior. However, knowing your primary and secondary type is an important part of self-awareness and a helpful tool to understand attraction and compatibility.

If you need help to overcome a past relationship, a trauma, or to gain greater self-awareness, book a one-on-one session with me.

You can add to the conversation below.

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist

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