In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the ten guideposts to wholehearted living – having a strong sense of love and belonging, and believing that you are worthy of love and belonging.
First a quick update:
Conscious choices fail – We are not controlled by our logical mind; we are controlled by our emotional mind. How can you make the 2 minds work together to your benefit? Click here to find out.
Follow me on Twitter– You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert
Power & fame corrupt and lead to cheating – Fame changes people and power corrupts. Watch the video:
Now, let’s talk about the ten guideposts to wholehearted living – having a strong sense of love and belonging, and believing that you are worthy of love and belonging.
In her book “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead”, research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, Brene Brown presents “10 Guideposts for Wholehearted Living.”
Brown argues that you can only experience love and belonging by being vulnerable, by allowing your heart to open and by being willing to experience all of the emotions, including disappointment and even rejection.
Here are her ten guideposts followed by my own interpretations and suggested strategies & solutions for each guidepost. You can read the first 5 guideposts here.
6. Cultivate Creativity – Let go of comparison
“Comparison is all about conformity and competition.” – Brene Brown.
Why do we compare ourselves to others?
We want to be accepted, liked and approved; we want to belong and connect.
And that involves either doing, thinking and being like others or, trying to prove we are better than them at what they want us to be! Thus, we compare and we compete, which, in turn, kill our creativity.
However, when we choose to compare and compete, we are not only stifling our creativity and self-expression, we are stifling our real self; we are strangling our real self.
Beware of constantly comparing yourself on social media or obsessively posting photos and comments on social media with the only intention of being liked or approved.
Seek out your creative and expressive outlets – writing, drawing, crafting, painting, photography, cooking, knitting, model-making, dancing, singing, and so forth. And, when you do it, do it for you – not to be compared with others!
7. Cultivate Play and Rest – Let go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth
“Well it’s great that you are busy”, said a friend.
Why? Why is it great we are busy and exhausting ourselves? One can be busy and achieve nothing or be doing something that is meaningless or insignificant and not enjoyable. In the Western world, we have given value and status to being constantly busy, exhausted and always working.
This approach comes from fear – fear of not doing enough, not being enough, and even of being left behind.
Why are so many people afraid of taking vacation? Fear of losing one’s job? Fear of relaxing and having fun? Fear that if one were to rest, play and have fun, that he/she would be committing a serious sin!
Beware of adopting everyone else’s ideas and values. Choose your own values!
Consider the benefits of being able to rest and rejuvenate by being able to joyfully play. Be childlike.
8. Cultivate Calm and Stillness – Let go of anxiety as a lifestyle
Anxiety is a common experience in the fast-paced, modern world. Anxiety is the feeling or belief that one’s world is out of control, coupled with the attempt to control that which one cannot control.
“I’ve been through 6 therapists, I’ve struggled with depression for nearly twenty years, never could finish anything I started, and everyone always assumed I had ADHD. Not until therapist number five did someone point out to me that ADHD is often mistaken for anxiety…All those years I thought I had ADHD, I was just afraid of what people would think. I would pick up a new hobby hoping it would be the one that I could stick with and foster, only to give up on it. Never was the problem an attention deficiency, it was a courage deficiency.” – LBdotsee
Have the courage to accept that that there are things beyond your control and things will not always go exactly as planned and, things will sometimes be truly challenging and even disappointing.
9. Cultivate Meaningful Work – Let go of self-doubt and “supposed to”
“What do you do?”
It is one of the most common questions posed when people meet?
We unfortunately judge others based on their job rather than trying to connect and get to truly know the person inside. As a result of society’s judgments about jobs and careers, many people will work in a career that they actually loathe. One client suffered for years studying to be a doctor because that is what her mother wanted her to be! It was not her passion, purpose or desired career.
She was doing what she thought she was “supposed to” be doing.
Are you living for you or for what others expect for you? Are you living your purpose, with passion rather than obligation? Believe in yourself and do what you truly love doing.
10. Cultivate Laughter, Song, and Dance – Let go of being cool and “always in control”
“I have a confession; it has been a long journey for me to really understand I do not need to present myself as a strong, polished, perfect marble statue to the world. On this journey, I have learned that it’s impossible to separate ourselves from our human nature. As a human being, I have failed at being perfect every time I have tried. The fact that we are all human and all make mistake is what makes us relatable to each other.” – Erica Djossa
Yes, we want to be cool and always in control so that we can avoid rejection. However, that approach causes us to be fake, false and inauthentic. In turn, we actually experience rejection because people can’t love or be attracted to something or someone who doesn’t exist – something or someone fake!
They are some of the most natural forms of expression – laughter, song and dance. Children do it naturally until such time as when someone begins to reprogram them by trying to tell them it is bad or criticizes them for doing it.
Yes, you are allowed to have fun, to freely sing, laugh and dance. Give yourself permission to do so and then notice how you much greater you feel and how you naturally become a magnet to others because you are inspiring others to freely express themselves and to celebrate life!
If you want further help and support, consider a private, one-on-one session with me. Click here to book your session.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.