Why women have inner conflicts with femininity

Why women have inner conflicts with femininity

Why women have inner conflicts with femininity

Femininity – submission versus surrender and weakness

When women should embrace masculine energy

This is Part 2 of 5 Parts of the transcript of Patrick Wanis PhD answering questions and sharing insights with Christelyn D. Karazin of www.beyondblackwhite.com on the topic of what it really means to be feminine. Click here for Part 1 “The difference between feminine and masculine energy”: https://patrickwanis.com/blog/difference-feminine-masculine-energy/

Oh, yes, what I wanted to add to that was you said something very powerful and obviously quite accurate that most people when they think of femininity, they think of submission. But let’s not confuse submission with surrender. Surrender is very different. Surrender is when you give away your power. Submission is about saying, “I allow the other person to lead.” So that’s why we also talk about men being noble, leaders, making sacrifices, taking heroic acts.

I’m also going to distinguish between male and female gender roles. The other challenge we have is that we feel that if a woman is feminine, she’s going back to playing old traditional roles when the patriarchy basically was the ruler, or it was about patriarchy where the men had all the power and women had none. This leaves us to the point of feminism. Femininity and feminism work together. Here’s why there’s a struggle with that.

Feminism was created in response to the male oppression of women. Feminism tried to bring a balance, but it swung the pendulum to the other way. What I mean by that was instead of the feminist movement saying, “Hold on, men. We are equal to you,” no, the feminist movement said, “Men, we are not equal to you. We are superior to you.” Therefore began a battle. Also what the feminist movement tried to do was instead of embracing the power of a woman in her feminine energy, it actually took on the masculine energy.

So in trying to say to men that women are superior, it actually used the masculine energy to convince men that women are superior; whereas, what I would be saying is that men and women should be viewed as equal. Obviously, extremely different but differences that should be embraced but nonetheless still equal.

If we understand that the male energy, the masculine energy is directive, it’s about assertiveness and it’s about getting things done, then we also understand except that there are times that women have to embrace masculine energy. In the workforce, women need to have masculine energy. Let me give you another example.

I like to distinguish the way that women raise children to the way men raise children, whether it’s raising boys or girls. A woman offers unconditional love to the child; whereas, the man offers conditional love. Now, let me explain that. The woman will say to the boy, to the son or daughter, “I love you no matter what.” The father will say, “The world doesn’t work that way. Son and daughter, you have to be aware that there are consequences for everything you do.” So the mother tries to protect the child from being hurt at all; whereas, the father says, “Let’s lessen the hurt.”

Accordingly, I say that a woman does need to, at times, embrace the masculine energy but she does that at work. When she comes home and in a relationship with a man, that’s when she expresses her femininity. Allowing the men to lead is about submission but it’s also about allowing someone to help you, to take care of you. Now let me see if I’m also answering one of your questions because I’m sort of going off the tangent which is easy to do.

“Why femininity is seen as a threat to feminism?” Because feminism seems to view femininity as weakness, and it believes that if women are feminine that men will once again engage in the oppression of women. I don’t believe that to be true. I believe that the pendulum has swung all the other way, and I believe it can come back to the center. I said it before when we had a discussion about femininity without feeling weak, again because too often people have misconstrued the definition of femininity thinking that it’s about surrender and weakness, but it’s about allowing someone else to control you. Taking the lead is not the same as someone controlling you.

I also wrote another interesting article, www.patrickwanis.com/blog/if-chivalry-is-dead-who-killed-it I raised what I believe to be a powerful key point that if a man is chivalrous to a woman, that means he’s opening doors for her, taking care of her, being protective, but above all, he’s putting her first. That means he’s valuing her.

If a man values you, that means you’re very special, you’re significant, you’re important, you’re meaningful, you are a priority. As I said in that article, who walks into the room first? The queen, not the servants or the other people. It’s always the queen because she is the most important.

So if a man is opening a door for a woman and saying, “Please proceed, go ahead,” he’s actually acknowledging, validating, recognizing, honoring, and respecting a woman and saying, “I value you. You are important. Please go first.”

Click here for Part 3 of 5 Parts of the transcript of Patrick Wanis PhD answering questions and sharing insights with Christelyn D. Karazin of www.beyondblackwhite.com on the topic of what it really means to be feminine – “Femininity, feminism and the dangers of independence”: https://patrickwanis.com/blog/femininity-feminism-dangers-independence/

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