Women Let Men Define Their Beauty & Value

Marvel Comic – Millie The Model 1969. Millie’s cousin Cuddles is portrayed as ugly, unattractive, unaware, stupid and unwanted

Marvel Comic – Millie The Model 1969. Millie’s cousin Cuddles is portrayed as ugly, unattractive, unaware, stupid and unwanted

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the dangerous consequences of women letting men define beauty and how to break free from it.

First a quick update:

“The Truth About Men And Dogs”
How would you respond if a man compared you and all women to dogs? One female author, Clare Staples, decided that women should treat men like dogs and train men like dogs. She even says that you should teach your man to give so he can get back.

“Men Don’t Like Skinny Women! Fashion Lied To Women”
A study that shows men prefer curvaceous women. So how did we arrive at the point of a faulty belief that women need to be skinny to be loved or accepted? Watch the video – Models say it’s the gay fashion designers who want women to look androgynous or have the body shape of adolescent boys.

Now, let’s talk about the dangerous consequences of women letting men define beauty, and how to break free from it.

Heterosexual women decide whether or not they are beautiful based on the expectations of men!
What might seem obvious to many has been confirmed by 3 independent studies that reveal that when told that men desire full-bodied, voluptuous figures, women felt better about their own weight and body image.

Lead author and social psychologist, Andrea Meltzer of Southern Methodist University, Texas says, “A woman’s body image is strongly linked to her perception of what she thinks men prefer.” 

Heterosexual women generally believe that men prefer the dieted-down, ultra-thin bodies that are promoted in fashion and the media.

Women are not good enough unless they are the shape that fashion magazines and the media decide they should be. Magazine ad from the 1970s

Women are not good enough unless they are the shape that fashion magazines and the media decide they should be. Magazine ad from the 1970s

Republican Presidential Nominee, Donald Trump reinforced that point when he doubled down on his attacks against Alicia Machado, a former winner of the Miss Universe contest (which he used to own with CBS), claiming she was deserving of body-shaming and fat-shaming when he referred to her as “Miss Piggy” and made highly exaggerated claims of her weight gain.

Of course, Alicia Machado admitted that to win the contest, she starved herself leading up to the competition, and by entering a beauty contest she chose to be judged on her appearance and body.

Further, as her boss, Donald Trump would have the right to tell her that after she gained weight, her weight is a problem. However, Alicia Machado was not obese or fat, and Trump’s wording calling her “Miss Piggy” and “Miss Housekeeping” was not designed to encourage or redirect her behavior and eating habits; it was designed to shame her and attack and bully her. And he chose to do this in public which indicates the intention to humiliate Alicia Machado.

When a CEO has a problem with an employee, he/she meets privately with the employee to correct the employee’s behavior and bring about a positive change; he/she does not publicly shame the employee.

It is obvious that Donald Trump has a psychological issue with weight; he has mocked Rosie O’Donnell, Jennifer Lopez, Kim Kardashian and even New Jersey Governor, Chris Christie for being fat: “I’m not eating Oreos anymore. Neither is Chris. You’re not eating Oreos, are you? It’s for either of us.” Trump also said that infamous cyber hacks in the US might not be the work of Russia but rather, “somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds.”

Ad for Chase & Sanborn Coffee from the 1950s instructing women to ensure they please their man or face being hit and physically punished

Ad for Chase & Sanborn Coffee from the 1950s instructing women to ensure they please their man or face being hit and physically punished

Trump’s attacks on Alicia Machado were also not designed to address health issues; they were simply designed to reinforce his belief that because Alicia is not the perfect shape she is therefore inferior and ugly, less of a woman, less of a person – she is a “piggy’ – even though she isn’t actually fat.

A distinction also needs to me made between the anti-PC movement and blatant bullying. Being politically correct implies that someone adjusts their language in order not to offend or disadvantage a particular group of people. However, there is a key difference between being scientifically correct by stating that Donald Trump is almost obese because at 6’2” and 236 pounds his BMI is 30 (BMI over 30 indicates obesity) and Donald Trump is “a stinking fatty” – the latter being an emotionally derogatory term and label designed to imply inferiority and lack of worthiness or belonging.

Marvel Comic - Millie The Model May 1970. Millie's cousin Cuddles is portrayed as ugly, unattractive, unaware, stupid and unwanted

Marvel Comic – Millie The Model May 1970. Millie’s cousin Cuddles is portrayed as ugly, unattractive, unaware, stupid and unwanted

Regardless of society’s model of the perfect female body which is unattainable, obesity is a health issue, and obesity leads to many diseases which result in death – the risks of coronary heart disease, stroke, respiratory disease and cancer are all increased by being overweight or obese.

“Obesity is second only to smoking as a cause of premature death in Europe and North America.”
– Professor Sir Richard Peto, University of Oxford, UK

Donald Trump, though, represents an era when fat shaming of women was acceptable and mainstream – yes, much more than it is today. From the late 1960s, the definition of female beauty, the ideal body, became the thin body. Anything else was deemed fat and therefore ugly and inferior. It was even apparent in comic books such as “Millie The Model” which mocked fat women as unattractive, stupid, unaware, and unable to land a man.

Magazine ad from the 1970s creating the ideal body type

Magazine ad from the 1970s creating the ideal body type and using it to sell vitamins while portraying a woman with no fat and still promoting the requirement to “fight fat”

The key point here is that women have allowed the media to determine a woman’s value based on her body shape, size and weight. And all of this has occurred with the intention by women to win and please a man. Thus, the warped single definition of beauty and the perfect body creates pain, suffering, depression, eating disorders, low self-esteem and addictions, and it damages relationships. Research reveals that women who watch TV and read more fashion magazines are less satisfied with their weight and have a poor body image.

We will always be making judgments about beauty and attractiveness because we innately do this as part of the selection process for a mate – some of it is hardwired. https://www.patrickwanis.com/chemical-attraction-butts-hips-smell/ However, deliberately shaming and humiliating someone of the opposite sex for not meeting one’s mating criteria, and deliberately stating that she is inferior are not even something you see in the animal world. Further, if Trump’s sincere intention was to resolve a problem because of his employee Alicia Machado’s weight gain, then surely he would know as a successful businessman and CEO that shaming never succeeds in behavior modification; it only leads to deeper psychological problems and worse behavioral responses.

Society's values and definition of the ideal body changes but always remains constant in the message that women are not good enough

Society’s values and definition of the ideal body changes but always remains constant in the message that women are not good enough

Never allow anyone to shame or humiliate you. Recognize if you have a health issue because you are extremely overweight or obese and take the necessary action to respect and care for your body and health. However, do not change your shape and weight to try to win over someone’s approval, least of all, someone who will shame and humiliate you should you fail.

If you need assistance to release negative emotions or love and respect yourself, book a one-on-one session with me.

Women are constantly reminded that they must keep striving for perfection - something that will never be attainable but which will help sell products

Women are constantly reminded that they must keep striving for perfection – something that will never be attainable but which will help sell products

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
www.patrickwanis.com

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