In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to share the top 12 lessons from “Your Erroneous Zones.”
First a quick update:
“Kicking bad habits”
Do we actually break bad habits or do we replace them? Learn the top strategies to help you let go of bad habits and replace them with empowering conscious choices and habits. https://patrickwanis.com/blog/kicking-bad-habits/
Follow me on Twitter– You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert
“Fat shaming is good – men, bad – women”
Why can men fat-shame but women can’t? Terence Popp has “Excuses for being fat” video on YouTube but Nicole Arbour gets slammed for “Dear Fat People” video. https://youtu.be/CXFgNhyP4-A Shaming people as method to change behavior doesn’t work. Watch the video: https://youtu.be/KHFhNdk4En8
Now, let’s talk about the top 12 lessons from “Your Erroneous Zones.”
A self-help guru and author of 30 books, Dr. Wayne Dyer passed away on August 30, 2015.
The book “Your Erroneous Zones” published in August 1, 1976, catapulted his career and is one of the top-selling books of all time, with an estimated 35 million copies sold.
“Your Erroneous Zones” which can also be compared to “Rational Emotive Therapy” by Albert Ellis can be summed up by five words which also represent a common theme in most of Dyer’s teachings: your irrefutable power of choice.
Your “erroneous zones” refers to the mistaken behavior, thoughts and attitudes which we all hold, display or demonstrate at one time or another. The intention of the book is to help you break away from negative thinking which, in turn, leads to negative or agitative emotions (worry, guilt, depression, helplessness, anger, and neediness), and then, painful consequences via erroneous actions.
Ask great questions, think for yourself, challenge convention, speak the truth, strengthen your soul, and grow with friends; here is my summary of “Your Erroneous Zones” by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, along with a couple of additional insights:
1. You have the power to choose
You choose to be who you are, and you have the power to take charge of your thoughts and present moments. Happiness is a choice and comes from within. Dyer suggests asking yourself, “How long am I going to be dead?” This “eternal perspective” can aid you to embrace a “take charge” stance in life.
2. Take charge of all of yourself
By controlling your thoughts, you control you emotions and the way you feel.
Negative thoughts create emotions which stop you from doing what you truly want i.e. you avoid speaking your truth and expressing your feelings because you are afraid you will offend other people.
The only real reason to grow is for growth’s sake, and not because you feel incomplete. Accept where you are now and choose to develop for your own good, not for the approval of others. Unlike a good day or an euphoric experience, growth for growth’s sake, leads to a happy life because it helps you to realize your potential.
3. Love yourself
Love yourself by creating a positive self-image, without linking it only to achievements and accomplishments. Accept compliments, as a way to build a positive self-image.
Beware of using low self-worth as a way to avoid relationships and thus, rejection.
Beware of seeking pity and playing victim as a way of holding yourself back and avoiding change.
4. Seek your own approval
Approval from others can be pleasurable, and it can also control you, making you a puppet to other people, with extraordinary pain and misery when others withhold their approval.
Constantly seeking the approval of others gives them power and paralyzes you!
You shrink yourself when you seek other people’s approval and you end up doing nothing or, only what they want.
“Other people’s opinions” do not determine your self-worth.
You can respond by saying, “I respect you and I won’t change my thoughts on this matter to get you to like me.”
5. The past doesn’t equal the present
Beware of giving yourself self-limiting labels based on your past behavior. Stop saying “I’ve always been this way…I’m naturally shy…I’m just not good at this…”
Possibly you tried something at a young age and someone criticized, disapproved of you or labeled you and, you chose to hold onto that label or self-limiting belief.
Become solution focused and you will discover you have much more talent and abilities than you thought possible! https://patrickwanis.com/blog/focus-on-the-solution-not-the-problem/
6. Guilt and worry destroy you
Guilt can be a guide to let you know that something you have done has negatively affected someone else. Therefore, guilt can be positive if you respond to it appropriately and choose to make appropriate amends, learn from the mistake and correct your future behavior.
Guilt can be negative when you punish yourself for years and for something over which you now have no control or cannot change; guilt cannot change the past.
Beware of people throwing guilt at you as a way to manipulate you. Get clear about your values and standards, and live by them – not by other people’s values and standards.
Worrying is negative hallucination i.e. imagining and thinking that the worst is going to happen. Planning, on the other hand, is focusing on a solution!
7. Become excited – explore the unknown
Growth is one of the 6 key emotional needs. When we say things such as “I’m longing for change” or “I need a change”, we are actually saying we need and want to grow.
Growth can only occur when you do something new. And the only thing stopping you is your own fear – of failure.
Failure is the expectation of performance that other people have created and which we have chosen to accept.
Stop trying to please others; stop thinking that performance alone determines your self-worth; use failure as a means to learn and grow.
Challenge and expand your comfort zone now. INSERT
Ask yourself, “Is my fear of the unknown, a fear of criticism or someone else’s disapproval?
8. Challenge convention
Dyer suggests that customs be discarded if we don’t believe in them or if they clash with our values; strive to live up to your own standards. Beware of following convention just to get other people’s approval. Think for yourself.
9. Beware the justice trap
If you are going to choose to be upset by the lack of justice in the world, ensure that there is something you can do about it, otherwise it is wasted energy. Beware of using it as an excuse to do nothing or as an excuse to something bad i.e. everyone else is doing it, so I can do it, too.”
10. Procrastination comes from fear
Procrastination comes from fear of failure, confrontation or uncomfortability. Remember, the problem won’t disappear or solve itself. Beware of attempting to justify poor performance by procrastinating i.e. “I left it too late – that’s why it didn’t work.” Categorize and prioritize your to-do list, and remember, life is short – act now!
11. Declare your own independence
Independence is freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others; the freedom to pursue your own happiness.
When you choose or force someone to be in a dependent, submissive relationship, you are controlling the other person and he/she will eventually resent and rebel against you. Love cannot be forced.
Encourage people at home and work to find their independence and self-expression. Beware of being a dependent and follower, and thus, never being true to yourself or living your full potential.
12. Anger is destructive
Beware of the ways that anger can destroy you and others around you; beware of using anger to blame other people for the way you feel and behave or to manipulate or guilt other people into doing what you want.
Finally, remember, that happiness is a choice; choose to be happy and create your life now!
If you want further to break free and need assistance, consider a private, one-on-one session with me. Click here to book your session. https://www.patrick-wanis.com/phone-consultations/
You can post your comment on this newsletter below:
If this newsletter was forwarded to you and would like to receive all of my newsletters please enter your email address on the home page at PatrickWanis.com.
I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.