20 ways to Spot Unsafe People

20 ways to Spot Unsafe People

20 ways to Spot Unsafe People

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the top 20 traits & signs of unsafe people.

First a quick update:

“Beware of immature men”
Adolescence, ego, irresponsibility, obsessions with conquests, inappropriate behavior, selfishness, etc. Do you know the definition of an immature man? https://patrickwanis.com/blog/beware-of-immature-men/

Follow me on Twitter– You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert   https://twitter.com/Behavior_Expert

“How to escape from the Victim, Rescuer & Persecutor”
Is there someone in your life who is a victim, rescuer or persecutor? Are you one of them? How can you stop the game, stop the behavior and the drama triangle? Here are the steps and solutions. Watch the video: https://youtu.be/mmp469TOirE

Now, let’s talk about the top 20 ways to spot an unsafe person.

Can you tell who is safe and who is not safe for you? Can you tell who will be supportive, uplifting, complementary, and help you to grow in a relationship? Can you tell who to trust and form a connection & bond with and whom to avoid?

In their book, “Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t”, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend outline the personality and behavioral traits of both safe and unsafe people. They refer to people who are arrogant, selfish, self-centered, immature, irresponsible and narcissistic.

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend do not address really unsafe people such as abusers, control freaks, manipulators, sociopaths or psychopaths.

Below is a list of the top 20 signs, the top 20 ways to spot an unsafe person – someone who treats you well one day (or minute) and is hurtful to you the next.

Unsafe People

  1. Narcissistic & afraid of vulnerability – Unsafe people think they have it all together instead of admitting their weaknesses
  2. Defensive – Unsafe people are defensive instead of being open to feedback
  3. Arrogant – Unsafe people are self-righteous instead of being humble
  4. Manipulative – Unsafe people will only apologize instead of actually changing their behavior
  5. Irresponsible & immature – Unsafe people avoid working on their problems instead of dealing with and resolving their problems
  6. Egotistical – Unsafe people demand trust, instead of earning it
  7. Narcissistic – Unsafe people believe they are perfect instead of admitting their faults
  8. Victims – Unsafe people blame others instead of taking responsibility
  9. Liars – Unsafe people lie instead of being honest
  10. Immature – Unsafe people are stagnant instead of growing
  11. Afraid of intimacy – Unsafe people avoid closeness instead of connecting
  12. Self-centered – Unsafe people are only concerned about “I” instead of “we” (not relationship-centered)
  13. Controlling – Unsafe people resist freedom instead of encouraging it
  14. Artificial & unsupportive – Unsafe people flatter us instead of confronting us
  15. Judgmental and condemnatory – Unsafe people condemn us instead of forgiving us
  16. Discouraging & destructive – Unsafe people stay in parent/child roles instead of relating as equals
  17. Unstable – Unsafe people are unstable over time instead of being consistent
  18. Toxic – Unsafe people are a negative influence on us, rather than a positive one
  19. Disloyal & gossipers – Gossip instead of keeping our confidences
  20. Religious & dogmatic – Unsafe people are religious instead of being spiritual i.e. judgmental, unforgiving, dogmatic, lacking in compassion

It is logical to state that safe people are those people who possess the opposite traits to the characteristics listed above for unsafe people. Before looking at a summary of the characteristics and traits of a safe person, ask yourself if you possess any of the above ‘unsafe’ traits. Also, spend some time considering what truly attracted you to the unsafe people of the past. What was it about you that attracted them into your life – low self-esteem, insecurity, people-pleasing personality or some other unresolved issue? Possibly, you chose to ignore the red flags because you thought you were in love?

Safe People
People who are safe are open, honest, vulnerable, trustworthy, loyal, and they value connection, intimacy and vulnerability. Safe people are accountable and accept responsibility for who they are and for their actions and results. Safe people choose to apologize and make amends by also learning from their mistakes and changing their behavior accordingly. Safe people deal with their own issues while still challenging, supporting, encouraging you and your expression and individuality.  Safe people do not believe they are the center of the universe, and they are a positive influence and part of your life!

If you believe you have the traits of an unsafe person or if you want to break free form an unsafe person/relationship, and you need assistance, consider a private, one-on-one session with me. Click here to book your session. https://www.patrick-wanis.com/phone-consultations/

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist

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