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7 steps to fill emotional void

7 steps to fill emotional void
7 steps to fill emotional void

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal 7 steps to fill that emotional void.

First a quick update:

“6 Steps to a healthy brain and curing depression”
We have power over our health. Read my article which reveals ways to protect yourself from mental illness, maintain a healthy brain and potentially cure depression.

Follow me on Twitter– You can now choose to follow me and receive a few words of wisdom on Twitter: @Behavior_Expert

“Link between Power, Sex & Cheating”
There are many motivations for cheating. One of the top motivations is power. Watch the video as I reveal how power corrupts and offers many opportunities and temptations to cheat:

Now, let’s talk about 7 steps to fill that emotional void.

A void is a completely empty space.

An emotional void is the empty space that lacks meaningful emotion.

An emotional void can be described various ways – numbness, a sense of nothingness, lack of excitement, lack of purpose, hopelessness, isolation, and feelings of being disconnected, lost or confused.

Some people experience emotional voids with negative thoughts, ruminations and racing thoughts.

“Today, the experience of nothingness is simply a fact: many of us have it… what shall I do with it?” ― Michael Novak, Experience of Nothingness

Generally speaking, we have 6 human emotional needs – love & connection, challenges, security, significance, growth, meaning & purpose. When those needs are not met, we experience an emotional void.

Children, however, have many more additional needs – attention, physical touch & affection, to be seen and heard (feeling visible, significant and understood), validation, praise, direction, encouragement, acceptance, approval, belonging, quantity and quality time, and so forth.

When those needs are not met in childhood, there will be emotional voids in adulthood. In other words, most of the emotional voids we experience as adults are the result of not having our emotional needs satisfied when we were children.

Facing the emotional void
If we choose to not face the void, find its origin and heal it, then we will most likely fill the void with all the wrong things i.e. we will engage in self-destructive behavior such as drugs, alcohol, unhealthy eating patterns, obsessive behavior, recklessness, etc. Also, when we fail to consciously face our emotional void, there is a good chance that we will be controlled by others or taken advantage of as we seek to fill that void in all the wrong ways, wrong places and with the wrong people.

“When I’m feeling down on myself or not feeling good about who I am, or maybe something happened and I’m feeling depressed, I eat to fill that void. Afterwards I’ll beat myself up about it. I regret doing it, but I’ll turn around and do it again.” – Janet Jackson

1. Confess
Begin by admitting to yourself (and to people that care) that you have an emotional void.

2. Describe
I defined an emotional void as the empty space that lacks meaningful emotion. Write out what you are feeling or list which emotions you feel are missing. And if all you can write in this step is “empty, numb, nothing, etc.” that is okay.

“In the nothingness, one has at last an opportunity to shape one’s own identity, to create oneself. The courage to accept despair becomes the courage to be.” ― Michael Novak, Experience of Nothingness

3. Identify the distractions
How have you been filling the void up until now – excessive food, drugs, sex, work, studying, exercise, video games, online surfing, people-pleasing, taking care of others, rescuing, being victimized, being controlled, etc.? Note all the ways that you distract yourself and avoid actually feeling something. Note any self-sabotaging behaviors. Give attention to the ways that you have been failing to respect yourself and allowing others to take advantage of you or the ways you have become excessively attached to something or someone.

4. Discover the origins
In step 2, I suggested writing out what you are feeling. And although, you might say you feel nothing, now write out or list any past pains, hurts, disappointments, rejections, losses or traumas; these are your gateway to the origins of the emotional void.

5. Share
Choose a person you can trust, someone who is accepting and share your experience and perspectives i.e. read to that person what you have written so far in the above suggested exercises. Remember, you have been running away from your emotions and now is the time to heal and conquer. This is also a key antidote if you uncover feelings of shame.

6. Heal & fill the void
Filling the void with distractions and other destructive or self-sabotaging behavior only creates more problems and pain. Now that you have identified the void (thoughts, beliefs, missing emotions, pain, hurt, trauma and origins) seek out a professional who has a process to help you safely and effectively shift your subconscious perspective of the origins of the emotional void. When I work with clients, I use SRTT and identify the core belief, the instigating incident, the emotions experienced, what was missing and insert new understanding and wisdom about what happened (i.e. why the instigator did or didn’t do something) and ultimately set you free of self-inflicted guilt, shame and feelings of unworthiness or lack of deservedness. In other words, the ultimate goal is forgiveness, compassion for self and the subconscious awakening & revelation that there is nothing wrong with you and you are lovable and good enough. This is how the void is filled – not simply with self-love but with new empowering, realizations about yourself and renewed hope and passion for life.

7. Additional tips
Dealing with negative thoughts: Practice observing your thoughts without responding to them. In other words, listen to your thoughts as a detached observer. That way, you do not react to them and they have less power over you.

Rumination – racing thoughts: Write out those thoughts so that they do not wake you up at night. Observe the thoughts as suggested above or take action to resolve the pressing thought. Also, read my article: 12 Tips to overcoming end of year, blues, sadness & depression. 

Calm the mind: Take up yoga classes, which don’t solve your problems but help calm your mind and thoughts so that you can solve your problems. I suggest Yin yoga which is calming and focuses on the parasympathetic nervous system.

Purpose & meaning: I believe that one of the greatest causes of general anxiety and general emptiness in today’s society is the lack of purpose and meaning. Decide to seek out your purpose. What can you contribute to this life? How can you help others? What is the best use of your skills, talents and gifts?

Finally, remember that although you might be feeling an emptiness or nothingness right now, you have the ability and opportunity, with the right help and process, to take control of your life, to be free of the past, to feel alive again, and to live with passion and purpose!

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist

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