In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal a simple, scientifically proven process for 2 people to fall in love – and in less than one hour!
First a quick update:
The Breakup Test
Are you heartbroken, angry, lost, lonely, confused, depressed, hung up, or pining over your ex? Do you know how your ex is truly affecting you and do you want to benefit from personalized advice, action steps and revelations? Take my free breakup test and get your own personalized report.
The 4 Secrets To A Great Relationship
Passion, Intimacy and Commitment are critical to a long-lasting relationship. And there is one more. Yes, four qualities stood out from a survey of 5,000 respondents. Watch my video for the 4 secrets to a great relationship.
Now, let’s talk about a simple, scientifically proven process for 2 people to fall in love – and in less than one hour!
How hard is it to fall in love?
Well, just find someone and ask each other questions!
Thirty-six questions & tasks, to be exact!
And there is a very high probability that you will fall in love with each other, and within 45 minutes!
Is that really possible?
What does it even mean to ‘fall in love’?
‘Falling in love’ refers to a strong feeling of attraction, excitement, preoccupation and desire to touch and be with a person. The expression to ‘fall in’ love is used to explain a perceived occurrence beyond one’s control – falling, slipping, accidentally and unconsciously creating or experiencing these feelings of love, attraction and desire.
Most people will cite ‘falling in love’ as something that was inexplicable – a glance, a smile, some words, a simple action, or something that they could not articulate at all – which, resulted in the act of falling in love.
In 1977, researcher and psychologist, Dr. Arthur Aron, set out to determine if you could manipulate people to get close to each other and thus, fall in love, all within less than an hour. (“The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings.”)
The study succeeded so much so that 6 months later, 2 of the participants were married to each other!
The study consisted of 3 groups. One group asked each other a total of 36 questions & tasks: “Over a 45-min period subject pairs carry out self-disclosure and relationship-building tasks that gradually escalate in intensity.”
The second and third study explored closeness with people who “were matched for nondisagreement on important attitudes [values]…or, pairs were led to expect mutual liking [extraversion/introversion and attachment styles] or…getting close was made an explicit goal.”
The result was surprising because the closeness was created by asking and sharing of 36 questions & tasks, and not by small talk, shared values & attitudes or by expected matching via introversion and extraversion temperaments nor by relationship attachment styles.
Further below, I share the exact 36 questions and tasks that led these pairs of people to fall in love – pairs of people who just 45 minutes before did not know each other at all; some of whom were already in relationships with other people!
When you first look at or review these questions, you will be stumped as to the way that they could create this state of ‘falling in love’ and so quickly.
The answer, though, is embedded in the sentence by Dr. Arthur Aron: “Over a 45-min period subject pairs carry out self-disclosure and relationship-building tasks that gradually escalate in intensity.”
The key is that each person is engaging in self-disclosure – sharing him/herself with the other person and by doing so they are building a relationship – they are unconsciously creating deep intimacy; accelerated intimacy; intimacy at turbo speed.
Self-disclosure is the act of revealing to someone else your vulnerabilities, innermost thoughts, feelings, fears, fantasies, hopes, beliefs, thoughts, and values.
Self-disclosure is what creates intimacy in a relationship. Intimacy can be perceived as into-me-you-see; ‘I will allow you to see into me.’
Intimacy, therefore, is about emotional nakedness – baring your soul to someone else.
Intimacy is one of the 3 key components required for a long-term, fulfilling relationship:
1. Passion – the chemical attraction, the desire for each other
2. Intimacy – the vulnerability and openness of one self to your partner
3. Commitment – the conscious choice to keep the love alive and build a life together
If the baring of one’s soul (revealing yourself to someone else) is critical to intimacy, falling in love and building a relationship, then why do some people run when they are on a first date, and the other person discloses TMI – ‘too much information’?
For the process of self-disclosure to be effective in helping two people to fall in love, they both must agree that they are willing to be open to each other and they must both be responsive, empathetic and open; they must both be willing to listen to each other, trust each other and express empathy and acceptance. In the study by Dr. Aron, each person in the pair answered and completed all of the 36 questions & tasks; it was not a case of one person opening up while the other remained closed; both people opened up to each other. And you will notice in task number 36, they asked each for help to solve a problem, and then shared with each other the way that each one perceived the way the person with the problem felt about that problem. This is the act of being vulnerable, asking for support, and then listening to your partner share how they perceive the way you feel thus allowing you to reveal more of yourself and see yourself through the eyes of your partner.
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …”
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
Unlike what most people read in poetry or fiction, falling in love is only the first step; you need to make a conscious effort to keep that love alive with mutual consistent intimacy!
If you need help to be more open and be more vulnerable, to trust and allow others to get close to you, book a one-on-one session with me.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D. s
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.