Admit You Are Wrong & Infallible

Admit you are wrong & infallible

Admit you are wrong & infallible

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the power of admitting you are wrong and the dangers of claiming infallibility.

First a quick update:

“Dating success or failure; body language secrets?”
How can you tell if your date is going well? Read the article where I reveal the  seven signs that your date is really into you and the seven signs when your date is not into you

“How to survive The Holidays & Holiday stress”
Are you looking for tips and strategies about how avoid Holiday stress and arguments, read my two articles:
“Easing Holiday Stress” and “Avoiding Holiday Arguments”

Now, let’s talk about the damage of trying to be infallible causes and why admitting when you are wrong improves relationships.

Whom do you think of when you read this quote and description?

“The world has come to know [him] for his insatiable greed for power, his ruthlessness, cruelty and utter lack-of feeling, his contempt for established institutions and his lack of moral restraints.”

And whom do you think of when you read this quote and description?

“His primary rules…: never allow the public to cool off; never admit a fault or wrong; never concede that there may be some good in your enemy; never leave room for alternatives; never accept blame; concentrate on one enemy at a time and blame him for everything that goes wrong; people will believe a big lie sooner than a little one; and if you repeat it frequently enough people will sooner or later believe it.”

And what about this description?

“Those who surround him are the first to admit that he now thinks himself infallible and invincible. That explains why he can no longer bear either criticism or contradiction. To contradict him is in his eyes a crime of ‘lese-majeste’; opposition to his plans, from whatever it may come, is a definite sacrilege, to which the only reply is an immediate and striking display of his omnipotence.”

Which people in your life did you think of when reading those quotes?

A politician or political candidate?

A boss?

A former abusive partner?

All three above quotes are the description of the psychological profile of the same person.

In 1943, a secret wartime report was prepared for the Office of Strategic Services (OSS) Washington, DC by psychoanalyst Walter C. Langer; it probed the psychology of Adolf Hitler and all of the above quotes are descriptions of Adolf Hitler from that report. (Read more hereHitler’s psychological profile)

The key points in the above quotes are the concept and strategy of infallibility – “never admit a fault or wrong; never concede that there may be some good in your enemy; never leave room for alternatives; never accept blame…”

And yes, we see many examples of that approach and attitude by politicians, political candidates and even people involved in the various sexual scandals of late – Penn State, Catholic Church officials and so forth.

Infallibility simply refers to the impossibility of being wrong and yet, we are all imperfect humans who will make mistakes. But we believe that it is weakness to admit being wrong, mistaken or imperfect. This can also be referred to as destructive ego, arrogance, delusion, denial or narcissism.

Acting and believing we are infallible, that we are not allowed to be mistaken, lose or be wrong lead to horrible consequences – even for our children.

“The moment I am going to share with you, there are two witnesses to it, Janet and Charlie. Charlie was a very dear, very shy kid. Because he was so sensitive, because my anger affected him so much, I would overcompensate; I would either be too nice to him or too mean to him.

“Charlie was a very good baseball player, just a wonderful athlete generally. When he was about fifteen, a sophomore in high school, we were playing basketball at the house. He had never beaten me one-on-one. I used to be pretty good. But that day, he had me. He was whipping me, and I kept coming back and coming back. He had to win by two, right? He was one up, and I missed a shot and he got the rebound, drove around the back, zinged that thing, and got it. He was dancing around, and I said, ‘No, no…we play by the rules, right?’

‘Yes, but I won!’

“No, you stepped on the line, right here. You went out of bounds.”

“I could not let him have it. He beat me fair and square, and I could not let him have it, and he was furious. That’s the ego. That’s what he had to deal with in me, what the whole family had to deal with.”

That fifteen-year-old boy grew up into a movie star, a celebrity who would one day become an addict and would be seen and heard screaming ever so loudly to the world “Winning! Winning! Winning!” as he felt tormented by the subconscious belief that he is a loser and that can never win. Yes, that’s Charlie Sheen as told by his father Martin Sheen who at the time refused to admit fallibility; who at the time was overcome by ego. (The cited quotes of Martin Sheen are from the 2010 book by Christopher Kennedy Lawford: “Moments of Clarity: Voices from the Front Lines of Addiction and Recovery.”)

You can also read more insights into Charlie Sheen which I wrote prior to ever reading the essay by Martin Sheen in the above named book.

Admittedly, it is our ego – our desire to be right, superior and perfect that leads to the fear of admitting our errors and mistakes. But only when we are able to admit fallibility, vulnerability and humanness is it possible to build a healthy, loving and meaningful relationship with the people around us.

When you admit that you made a mistake, you create the safe place and space for people around you to express themselves, take risks and ultimately trust you. A person cannot express their love to you if they always feel forced to live out of fear rather than live from their heart knowing they will be loved and accepted by you.

Read these articles to help you find balance in admitting when you are wrong whilst not destroying your self-esteem:

“Letting go of guilt” – when you have done wrong and need forgiveness and to let go of guilt and shame

“Why do you always need to be right?” – learning that being right does not always equal being happy

“The twelve most important words you will speak” – relationship advice and why saying “I am sorry, I was wrong” are such powerful words

“You’ll never measure up” – how to overcome societal expectations of physical perfection

“The dangers of cotton-wooling your children” – learning to use balance when raising children – avoiding over protection

You can comment on this newsletter directly below:

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
www.patrickwanis.com

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3 replies
  1. Avatar
    David AuCoin says:

    The Greatest Peril facing Our Nation

    There is a gender gap in education that will lead and actualy already is leading to some very negative consequences.

    1. Girls out performing males academically will lead to girls out
    competing boys for best paying jobs. While girls will love this boys
    are going to be the big losers.Why then would it be a good thing for
    half the population to be winners while the other half looses?

    2. With girls out competing boys in the work place will not only
    enable females to get the best paying jobs it will also lead to more
    successful female eutrapeuners and perhaps more female politicians
    which together can see men loose being the heads of households because
    human nature being what it is will not allow the one making the least amount
    of money to be the head of the household. Money is power! This could put
    patriarchal religions like Islam, Judaism,and Christianity in crisis mode for these religions
    teach that God wants men to be the heads of households.Mormonism will also come
    under increased pressure to extend the priesthood to females.Islam is already inflamed aganist
    the west which they see is becoming increasingly femineized which is a threat to their fiercly
    patriachacal religion.

    3. With girls gaining dominance over males the perception will be that
    the future for girls will look brighter than for males which in a
    world where the sex of the child can be predetermined will lead to
    parents preferring girl babies which could lead to the decline of
    males. Already scientist have succeded in making female sperm from bonemarrow
    which when added to another woman will produce a female child independent of anything male.
    This than means men are no longer needed. Females can populate the world independently of men.

    4. When women make more money than men the natural attraction women
    have for men which has traditionally or historically been more of a dependency attraction rather
    than a sexual attraction as in the case of men will lead to a severing of the attraction women have for men.
    Why? Because women will no longer be dependent up a man to provide a house for her and her offsprings. Making
    good money will enable her to become independent financialy no longer needing men to provide and protect her.
    What is there in the modern world do women need protection from? If anything women need protection from men as in
    the case of domestic violence. Not being married to a man makes her less vunerable. Already we see the rise of single
    women buying homes and the decline of marriages.

    5.It must be understood that with a male dominated world women were never in danger of
    being exterminated because males having an overwhelming urge to mate with the female would
    never want to eliminate their greatest source of delight. Also studies have been done that show single women fare much better in society than do single men indicating that males feel incomplete with out the female.
    Therefor males never identified females with anything undesirable whereas many female supremacist are
    identifying maleness with the chief culprit in why the world is so full of violence and poverty.This provides
    female supremacist with the moral justification if having a peaceful prosperous world is the goal and it should be
    to not allow violence causing males to be born.

    While it is hoped that female supremicst are not the majority of women no one knows for sure just how numerous might be their number.Wisdom would dictate that we hope for the best but assume the worst. So for the above reasons wouldn’t it better to correct the educational system so that it doesn’t favor girls and handicap
    boys but is gender neutral? This would close the gender gap and have the best chance of insuring that neither gender
    out performs the other gender which in turn will ensure that both genders share in the getting the best paying jobs
    leading to neither gender dominating the world but rather affording the best possibility for shared world leadership thus
    avoiding most of the negative consequences listed above. Lets hear it for eliminating the gender gap.

    the four main causes for the gender gap are

    1. course work was introduced into the educational system and
    assigned 70%
    of the grade value of a student. As it turns out girls are
    considerably better at course work than are boys. Weather or not this
    was already known or that this has been found out latter I do not
    know. I suspect it was already known that this was true if so then the
    educational system was deliberately skewed in favor of girls. when
    an educational system only applies 30% of the grade value of a
    student to exams which boys are better at than the motive must have
    been to create an educational system that plays to the strength of
    females and to the weakness of the males else why didn’t they assign
    equal values to both course work and exams?

    Regardless of weather or not it was deliberately rigged in favor of
    girls it is plain that the system as now is is flawed in a way that
    handicaps males. Thus it would appear that we could really make the
    system gender neutral if we assigned 50% to course work and 50% to
    exams.

    2. Also there is a tremendous absence of male teachers. In such a
    situation one can well understand why boys might dislike the system
    because female teachers might well be selecting course materials
    from a female perspective that end up producing an environment that
    cathers to girls, and turns boys off. Thus every effort must be made
    to get more male
    teachers into the class rooms. Also it would be understandable that female
    teachers might have a bias in favor of their gender that influences
    subconsciously
    how they assign grades.

    3. There seems to be a consensus that girls work harder than males. The
    question is why? Girls are being told that in order
    to get their fair share of the best jobs and careers that it is not good
    enough to just do as well as boys they must out shine the boys. Could this
    explain why girls work harder than boys?Girls are driven by fear that
    they might not be able to get their fair share of the best jobs unless they
    out shine boys.

    Are boys being told that they must out shine the girls?. No they are
    not! there is very little support groups for boys because society
    didn’t think boys needed motivation since the perception was that
    girls were behind. However there is a flood of material aimed at
    helping girls while there is practically no motivational support for boys.
    Why? Because the perception is that boys don’t need the
    motivation because boys were ahead. Therefor girls are going to their
    classes much more highly motivated. thus girls work harder than boys.

    4. Also it is evident that boys have become addicted to viedo games. This may
    mean that boys are spending too much time playing games when they should
    be doing their school work. This could then be one of the factors in why Girls
    are out performing boys. Therefor fathers should take their viedo
    games away from their sons if they aren’t getting as good grades as
    their sisters.

    Thus it would appear we can close the gender gap by truly making the
    educational system gender neutral,increasing the number of male
    teachers,and encouraging boys to out shine the girls. If this is done both
    genders will be equally motivated so that they can
    share in getting the best jobs and careers so that both genders can do
    well with neither gender dominating and thus prevent the continuance of
    the gender gap.

    When these 4 causes are remedied we should exspect to see the gender gap close
    to the betterment of society at large so that both genders share in
    getting the best jobs and thus the leadership of the world will be
    shared by both genders.

    It should be apparent that closing the gender gap in education should be the major concern of society if the negative consequences listed above are to be avoided. Avoid avoid closing the Gender Gap at your peril.You have been warned.

    the four main causes for the gender gap are

    1. course work was introduced into the educational system and
    assigned 70%
    of the grade value of a student. As it turns out girls are
    considerably better at course work than are boys. Weather or not this
    was already known or that this has been found out latter I do not
    know. I suspect it was already known that this was true if so then the
    educational system was deliberately skewed in favor of girls. when
    an educational system only applies 30% of the grade value of a
    student to exams which boys are better at than the motive must have
    been to create an educational system that plays to the strength of
    females and to the weakness of the males else why didn’t they assign
    equal values to both course work and exams?

    Regardless of weather or not it was deliberately rigged in favor of
    girls it is plain that the system as now is is flawed in a way that
    handicaps males. Thus it would appear that we could really make the
    system gender neutral if we assigned 50% to course work and 50% to
    exams.

    2. Also there is a tremendous absence of male teachers. In such a
    situation one can well understand why boys might dislike the system
    because female teachers might well be selecting course materials
    from a female perspective that end up producing an environment that
    cathers to girls, and turns boys off. Thus every effort must be made
    to get more male
    teachers into the class rooms. Also it would be understandable that female
    teachers might have a bias in favor of their gender that influences
    subconsciously
    how they assign grades.

    3. There seems to be a consensus that girls work harder than males. The
    question is why? Girls are being told that in order
    to get their fair share of the best jobs and careers that it is not good
    enough to just do as well as boys they must out shine the boys. Could this
    explain why girls work harder than boys?Girls are driven by fear that
    they might not be able to get their fair share of the best jobs unless they
    out shine boys.

    Are boys being told that they must out shine the girls?. No they are
    not! there is very little support groups for boys because society
    didn’t think boys needed motivation since the perception was that
    girls were behind. However there is a flood of material aimed at
    helping girls while there is practically no motivational support for boys.
    Why? Because the perception is that boys don’t need the
    motivation because boys were ahead. Therefor girls are going to their
    classes much more highly motivated. thus girls work harder than boys.

    4. Also it is evident that boys have become addicted to viedo games. This may
    mean that boys are spending too much time playing games when they should
    be doing their school work. This could then be one of the factors in why Girls
    are out performing boys. Therefor fathers should take their viedo
    games away from their sons if they aren’t getting as good grades as
    their sisters.

    Thus it would appear we can close the gender gap by truly making the
    educational system gender neutral,increasing the number of male
    teachers,and encouraging boys to out shine the girls. If this is done both
    genders will be equally motivated so that they can
    share in getting the best jobs and careers so that both genders can do
    well with neither gender dominating and thus prevent the continuance of
    the gender gap.

    When these 4 causes are remedied we should exspect to see the gender gap close
    to the betterment of society at large so that both genders share in
    getting the best jobs and thus the leadership of the world will be
    shared by both genders

  2. Avatar
    Erol Fox says:

    Bravo! This image of infallibility is a core sickness in America and in the world. We can see it in political groups that are never wrong or in the way many parents try to appear to their children. It is interesting when the past president of the U.S. see that he made no mistakes at all in 8 years. Is that even possible?

    Not being able to admit being wrong is a key symptom of personality disorder. But if ‘normal’ (i.e. average) is the rule, then mental illness could be normal. On the funny farm, everyone is ‘normal’.

    At the extreme, infallibility raises one to god-like status. Whether is be Charlie Sheen winning 100% of the time or infallible wall street banks that can never possibly admit to wrong doing. Who’s running the funny farm then?

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