Here are more examples of the heartaches and dangers facing women who choose to have affairs with married men. This is also a continuation of the article “10 reasons women have affairs with married men” https://patrickwanis.com/blog/10-reasons-women-affairs-married-men/
A woman’s husband has an affair and promises he won’t do it again but does do it again. The wife dumps him and eventually divorces him. He begins a relationship with the mistress that he was having an affair with and when that falls apart, he has a relationship with another woman and he ends up marrying her. He didn’t marry the mistress and she was devastated. He left the mistress for another women whom he eventually married.
So there are complicated situations where there’s always an exception to the rule or someone just has major commitment issues, meaning a man as well. You also have the situation such as another client case, where a married woman had an affair with a married man. They both left their respective partners, they got together, and after six months the relationship fell apart.
She came to me after her relationship with the man she left her husband for fell apart. And it wasn’t hard to ascertain and determine immediately why it fell apart. And I said, “You began this relationship based on lies and deceit. You were lying and deceiving your husband. The other man, your lover, was lying and deceiving his wife. Now you get together and you both know at a deeper level that you really can’t trust each other.”
And that’s why it felt apart – because he became too controlling. He couldn’t trust her and she didn’t feel she could trust him. I said to her “Well, of course, because you both began the relationship based on knowing that each one of you has the ability to deceive, and you’ve already done it. So why would you think that your relationship to each other is going to be any different?”
And this is something that I often teach most of my clients. Be careful of the way you begin your relationship because that’s who you really are or that’s the foundation of the relationship. So even though a woman will know that he’s cheated on his wife with her, she will still fool herself into thinking, “Oh, but he’ll be loyal to me.” No. If he cheated on his wife, there’s a good chance that he’ll do the same thing to you.
So, it’s really important to be aware of how are you starting this relationship – the foundation. And via the early stage of the relationship you are also revealing a lot about each other’s morals, values, and principles.
And as a result of the betrayal, lies and deceit that has occurred between the married man and his wife, there will always be a sense of doubt and a lack of trust between the man and his mistress, even if he leaves his wife for the mistress. There will be nagging questions – “Can I feel safe and secure with this man? Will he do the same thing to me?” In the beginning, the mistress will most likely be in a stage of infatuation, excitement and the thrill where she thinks, “Oh, he’s made me number one. I am the one and the only one in his life.” Then as problems arise, as they do in any relationship, she can easily begin to start questioning, “Am I safe here? Am I secure in this relationship?”
For the mistress or potential mistress: beware and note that you won’t be able to trust him; always be aware that he might do exactly the same thing to you that he did to his wife. His actions tell you a lot about his character, his values, and whether he can be trusted in other areas of his life. And, recognize that this relationship is going to be fraught and possibly overrun and overwhelmed by all sorts of emotional baggage.
If the ex-wife is going to be in the picture, particularly if they have children, now you have another woman that’s being scorned, another woman that’s being betrayed who is going to potentially make you the target of her anger, her hatred. So you won’t feel safe and secure. I think that’s one thing that women need to think about a lot; that now there’s another woman out there that really hates you, that’s going to carry around a lot of hatred and to potentially try and become vindictive and vengeful towards you. So you have to be careful with that. Think of that movie with the pet rabbit being boiled – Fatal Attraction. The scorned mistress doesn’t want to just hurt the man, she also wants to hurt the woman – the wife. But it can work both ways where the betrayed woman can easily become vengeful, vindictive, or want to hurt people.
Remember, that the way you treat other people is potentially the way you’ll be treated. So if you choose to live your life through lies, deceit, selfishness, and by hurting other people, then there’s a good chance that you’ll experience it too.
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.