In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the real blessings that come from giving, and the critical need to receive, to be a recipient.
First a quick update:
“Halle Berry’s Thanksgiving domestic drama”
Halle Berry’s fiancé, Olivier Martinez, and ex Gabriel Aubry got into a brawl Thanksgiving Day. It awakens us to appreciate and understand that no amount of money, fame or power removes us from the trials, tribulations and challenges of love, relationships and heartache. Read my other insights and quotes in the article on Zimbio.com.
“How to enjoy the Holidays and family”
It is supposed to be the happiest time of the year but it often is the most challenging time of the year. Read my article about what you can do to experience more joy in the Holidays.
Now, let’s talk about the real blessings that come from giving, and the critical need to receive, to be a recipient.
In my newsletter “Is it more blessed to give than to receive?”, I shared the story of Secret Santa: a man who anonymously gave for almost 28 years, right up to his death; and he gave a total of over one and half million dollars. Every Christmas, he would give to people in need. But he began giving at a time when he had little himself – after having been fired two years in a row right before Christmas.
Larry Stewart gave from his heart and in turn, he spoke of the joy it brought to him to give, help and contribute to others. The pleasure and joy he saw in others when he gave and helped them motivated him to give more But Larry Stewart was also blessed in his life, rising from lowly beginnings to becoming a multi-millionaire.
But why do many of us not always experience the so-called joy of giving?
Why is the teaching and philosophy that says ‘it is more blessed to give than to receive’ not true every time?
And what about the philosophy that says when you give, you will also receive ten-fold?
The answer to receiving joy and blessings when you give lies in the intention.
One client recently told me that she fears giving to her family because they will throw it back in her face; another client complained that he should not have to be the one to initiate the giving and; another client complained that she is always giving to her family but they never give her anything (love, praise, affection, compliments and so forth.)
You cannot feel good about helping when you actually resent helping or you resent the person whom you are helping. And you cannot feel happy when you are giving but waiting to get something back.
Giving conditionally (wanting the equivalent given back to you) creates anxiety, resentment, disappointment and judgment for the person doing the giving because he/she is trying to control the other person and is coming from a place of desperation.
When you give so that you can get back, you are only thinking about your own lack and it blinds you from seeing the joy and difference you are making in the other person’s life.
How does it feel for you when a person gives to you conditionally, expecting or demanding something in return?
It robs you of the opportunity to experience the joy of receiving; neither the giver nor the receiver derive any pleasure from the action and instead of creating a connection, the giving creates a rift and chasm.
So how does one transform from resenting or resisting the giving to welcoming and enjoying the giving?
By choosing to be open to see the other person’s pain and suffering and to then also see their joy when they receive from you.
Children become excited anticipating the gifts they will receive around the Holidays and this is natural since children also believe that they are the center of universe. But as children grow, they can also learn the joy of giving when helping or feeding a sick animal or even tending to a garden. The lesson being taught is more than simply giving; it is about being compassionate. It is about moving beyond ego and finding a balance of giving and receiving.
The actual teaching includes the word ‘more’ blessed to give than to receive. If you say no to receiving then you are also denying, sabotaging and robbing the joy of the person whom chooses to give to you!
Incidentally, the context of the Biblical quote is also critical since it was actually referring to Elders in the church saying that it would be more blessed for them to give to the needy in the church, than it would be for the Elders to receive.
Nonetheless, how does giving with joy transform you, and what other blessings are there when giving?
Earlier, I mentioned the example of my client who states she gives compliments and praise but never gets them in return. Upon further exploration, we identified that she gives them with resentment and often openly demands that her friends and family praise and compliment her. And her deeper subconscious belief is that she is not worthy of those compliments and praise since she never received them as a child. Accordingly, her energy, the message she is giving off to her friends and family is one of desperation, neediness and insecurity – ‘tell me I am good enough.’ The people around her also recognize that she is only giving to them in order for them to do the same and so, in turn, they too, resent her.
Her blessings came when she was able to subconsciously believe that she is worthy of receiving praise and compliments, that she, too, is loveable. Suddenly, she was freely giving praise, and seeing in her friends and family what she always wished they could see in her. Her intention of giving had changed from ‘give to me to convince me I am good enough’ to ‘I bless you.’
The ultimate result is inner peace, joy and fulfillment for her, the giver. And it neutralizes her neediness opening the door for other people to also freely give to her.
Look in your heart and question your real motives for giving?
Giving from a place of fear and obligation never creates good feelings, responses or results. And if you have been giving from fear or conditionally up until now, be gentle on yourself – give yourself compassion and forgiveness.
Don’t let unhappiness and fear drive you. Let love and joy drive you! But also remember, that the cycle of life and its blessings include receiving; are you open to receiving? Do you sincerely believe you are good enough and worthy of receiving love, joy, success and happiness?
Raise your level of deservedness: use my hypnosis audio – Be Happy, Rich and Wealthy”.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.