In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the one slogan/mantra that can change your life.
First a quick update:
“Top 10 Celebrity Meltdowns of 2016”
It’s the tenth annual list of the bad behavior of celebrities. You probably won’t agree with the full list and you will be shocked by some of the behavior and meltdowns. https://www.patrickwanis.com/the-top-10-celebrity-meltdowns-of-2016/
“15 Signs You Are A People-Pleaser”
There is a wonderful feeling and a sense of satisfaction when we know we have done something good for someone and pleased them. Contributing to other people and making a positive difference in other people’s lives gives our life meaning and purpose. But, what about when we go too far and we focus on pleasing people? https://www.patrickwanis.com/15-signs-people-pleaser/
“Kids and Heroes Don’t See Skin Color”
Temar Boggs, 15, and his friend Chris Garcia saved 5-year-old Jocelyn Rojas who was kidnapped. Children and heroes do not see color and do not seek reward. Watch the video. https://youtu.be/qY58Czn77fA
Now, let’s talk about the one slogan/mantra that can change your life.
At the close of every year, people search to find a resolution for the New Year. Most of these resolutions involve changing a bad habit with the hope of generating more happiness.
One of the major obstacles to happiness is seeking other people’s approval.
When you seek other people’s approval, you instantly hand over your power to everyone else. In other words, everyone else gets to decide whether or not you are worthy, special or good enough; whether or not you come up to their standards.
Seeking other people’s approval infers you are going to try to please everyone in your life, and that is actually impossible. When you attempt to please everyone, you stop being true to yourself because you continually change your behaviours to match the demands and expectations of others.
So who are you really if you keep changing for every person that comes along just so you can please them?
The second major obstacle to happiness is “taking it personally.”
Taking it personally simply means that you believe you are the cause of the other person’s response to you.
For example, someone walks past you and they don’t greet you or acknowledge you. In return, you conclude ‘there must be something wrong with me’ and that’s the reason he/she didn’t say hello. Next, you start to doubt yourself and your self-worth, and you create feelings of guilt or shame.
In another example, you call up a friend to speak about something that happened to you that does not involve him/her and your friend responds with anger or is short on the phone. In return, you conclude ‘there must be something wrong with me’ and that’s the reason he/she is angry and cut the conversation short. Next, you start to doubt yourself and your self-worth and you create feelings of guilt or shame and you proceed to withdraw from other people.
Notice what you have done.
You have made yourself fully responsible for the other person’s behavior.
You have made yourself fully responsible for the other person’s thoughts, feelings and actions.
Thus, you believe that you are so powerful that you fully and completely determine how the other person responds to you and how they think and feel. You are, in effect, concluding that the world revolves around you and you are the cause of everyone else’s thoughts and feelings. That’s what children do; children believe they are the cause of their parent’s happiness or sadness.
Thinking the same way as an adult is actually narcissistic.
Is it really true that you have such superhuman power that you can fully and completely determine and control the way someone else thinks and feels and acts towards you?
Of course, not.
From another perspective, you are also giving this person all the power because you are saying that the way they respond to you will determine the way you think and feel about yourself.
Thus, you are granting power to the other person to decide how you will feel about yourself and what image and thoughts you will have over yourself. https://www.patrickwanis.com/7-steps-stop-people-pleaser/
Ask yourself, “Is there anything that I might have done to contribute or influence his/her behavior and responses? What else is happening in his/her life that might contribute to or be the cause of his/her behavior and responses?”
If you are still unsure, ask him/her about what is happening in his/her life. Ask him/her about what he/she is experiencing.
2. Responsibility & learning
Accept responsibility for your actions and your issues.
Don’t make the other person’s issues your issues, and don’t make your issues the other person’s issues.
Ask yourself, “Is there something beneficial or constructive in what the other person is saying or responding to me?” If so, respond accordingly and beware of harshly criticizing yourself; stop trying to be perfect and choose to learn from the experience. https://www.patrickwanis.com/it-is-personal/
Adopt this mantra/slogan:
“I understand that the way others choose to respond to me is about them.”
You might simplify it to “I understand that the way others to respond to me is about them.” I add the word “choose” to reinforce the point that they are actually making a choice, a decision to respond in the way that they do or did.
I refer to the above as a slogan or mantra because it requires repetition for it to become effective; it requires constant repetition so that it can become a program in your conscious and subconscious mind; it requires constant repetition so that it can replace the old program of ‘It’s my fault; I am responsible for the way others respond to me.’
Finally, this mantra is only truly effective and powerful if you follow the first 2 steps – determine what role you played in this result or outcome and, accept responsibility for your actions. If you choose to bypass the first 2 steps and simply live off the mantra “I understand that the way others choose to respond to me is about them”, then you are actually choosing to become selfish, egocentric, irresponsible, narcissistic, callous, sociopathic or simply lacking in empathy or compassion.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.