Choose Your Worries

Choose Your Worries

Choose Your Worries

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal ways to overcome worrying and instead carefully choose your worries.

First a quick update:

“Letting Go Of The Past Year And Transforming The New Year”
As you look back on this year, what do you feel? How do you view and perceive the past twelve months? Do you feel you achieved what you wanted or do you feel like you failed? It is okay to feel whatever you feel; the danger is if you stay stuck in a negative emotion. 

“Tolerance & Hypocrisy”
Kim Burrell created a huge controversy and was cancelled from her scheduled appearance on the Ellen show after delivering a scathing sermon against homosexuality. Ellen Degeneres and Kim Burrell are both wrong. Watch the video.

Now, let’s talk about ways to overcome worrying and instead carefully choose your worries..

I titled this newsletter, “Choose Your Worries” as a means of immediately announcing that worrying is a choice.
“If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today.” – E. Joseph Cossman

What were you worrying about this time last year?
It should be relatively easy to recall because it was the beginning of another new year.

Did that worry become a reality?
How did the worrying help you?
How did the worrying negatively affect you?

Did the event occur as you worried it would or was there a different outcome?
Did you just waste time, energy and health worrying about that event or person?

A worry is a state of anxiety and uncertainty over actual or potential problems.
Everyone has worries because everyone has problems and life is full of uncertainty.
However, we create more problems, more anxiety and more stress by constantly worrying about almost everything in our life.
Too often, we are not even aware that we are actually choosing our worries.

Yes. You have the ability to choose your worries.
You are already engaging that ability.
You are the only person who decides whether or not you will or won’t worry about something or someone.

Think back to your childhood or teen years. Did a parent or even a school teacher say to you, “You should be worrying about the end of year exams”, and you responded with, “Nah. I’m not worried. I’ll be fine. I’ll pass them easily.”
In another instance, perhaps someone said to you, “Don’t worry about the car accident. You are okay and that’s what matters” and yet you responded with “Yes, but, my car insurance fees and premiums will go up.”
Both above examples illustrate quite simply that worrying is a choice.

Worrying is your choice.

Worrying – creating anxiety, doubt and stress over an existing problem or a perceived potential problem – never actually helps solve or prevent the problem from occurring.

Remember, worrying is a state of anxiety. Anxiety is not the emotion that assists or encourages problem solving. Research specifically reveals that when the brain is in a state of happiness, it is more adept to solve problems, focus clearly and be more productive.

Worrying is hallucinating!

Worrying is seeing things that don’t exist.

That is not the same approach as determining that there might be a danger and then taking appropriate, measured action. 

Worries fall into 2 simple categories:

Things we can control
Things we cannot control

It sounds blatantly obvious that it is a waste of time, energy, resources and health when you begin to worry about things over which you have no control. And yet, we all do it; we all fall into the trap of worrying over things we cannot control.

What are the things we cannot control?

Past Events
Future Events

You cannot control other people. If you are a parent you have some authoritative control over your children, although again, you cannot control them. They can choose to do what they want and defy you. Of course, you can master ways to teach, lead, guide and inspire your children. The same applies to your partner. You cannot control him/her. You might have financial control and you might try to use that to control their behavior; again, they will find a way to break free.

Also note, that the more you try to control someone, the more they resist.

Past Events
Once something has happened, you cannot change it and you cannot control it; it has already happened. You might be able to minimize some of the impact and ramifications; you won’t be able to change what actually occurred, so stop worrying or obsessing about what is in the past.

Future Events
You cannot control what will happen in the future. You can plan; you can prepare; you can strategize; you can’t control what will actually happen, so stop worrying about it.
If we can’t control other people, and we cannot control the past, and we cannot control the future, what can we do?

Focus on the components of each thing or event which you can control. You can’t fully control a future event; you can, though, prepare and plan to create the best possible outcome. Life isn’t linear and there are constant variables and unknown or unpredictable elements and components.

You can take massive action that will set you on the best path possible while still accepting that there is no guarantee, and accept that if you choose to worry by expressing anxiety, doubt or fear, you won’t be able to respond or plan properly or appropriately. You won’t be able to think clearly or focus; you will either become extremely indecisive or you will make a rash, incorrect decision.

Thus, you can choose to worry or you can choose to take the right, appropriate and measured action.

You can choose to worry or you can choose not to worry.
It’s always your choice.

If you need assistance to overcome anxiety, worry or doubt, book a one-on-one session with me.

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist

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