In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal 3 mistakes people make instead of owning their decisions and the outcome.
First a quick update:
The Breakup Test
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14 Ways To Escape From A Narcissist or Toxic Relationship
Criticism, contempt, condemnation, stonewalling, silent treatment, defensiveness, manipulation, control and/or any form of abuse – mental, emotional, physical form a toxic relationship. Watch my video for 14 ways to escape the toxic relationship and narcissist
Now, let’s talk about 3 mistakes people make instead of owning their decisions and the outcome.
How do you respond when you make a decision that turns out badly?
1. Engage in self-loathing by blaming and beating yourself up?
2. Play the helpless victim by blaming everyone else?
3. Create drama, complain incessantly, and become angry and bitter?
Marjorie and Roxanne met at an event and decided to do business with Roxanne selling Marjorie’s products. However, a month later, Marjorie couldn’t reach Roxanne. She began to panic and contacted a mutual friend, William.
She complained to William about the business deal, saying that Roxanne had gone silent and that she had fifteen-hundred dollars of Marjorie’s product. William explained that he had also not heard from her and knew that she had been experiencing some personal & financial struggles.
As more time passed and neither William or Marjorie had heard from Roxanne, Marjorie started to send emails to both William and Roxanne.
William quickly reminded her in an email that he had not been involved or consulted regarding this business deal and he requested that they work it out and he be left out of this matter.
Marjorie refused to accept William’s request and she replied by using the excuse that she only chose to do business with Roxanne because she knew Roxanne and William were friends, even though, again, William knew nothing about their business deal.
Marjorie became angry, bitter, resentful and offensive towards William who stood firm saying that he was overwhelmed and exhausted by other life events and did not want to be involved in this matter.
Marjorie continued to pitch harsh, angry and offensive words to William, and ended the friendship.
Marjorie had made many mistakes – all of which began with just one big mistake – she refused to take ownership of the situation; she refused to accept that she had made a choice to do business with Roxanne.
By refusing to take ownership of the decisions she had made, she began to play the victim, complained incessantly, created unnecessary drama, and consumed endless energy attacking, criticizing and even blaming others including William.
Although, Marjorie received back her full inventory of product, her response had now cost her friendship with William.
Marjorie failed to realize that she is in control of her choices and outcomes.
I teach that emotional wellness is determined by the extent to which you feel in control of yourself and your life.
Of course, there are things which are beyond your control. However, when you make a conscious, determined choice to accept ownership of everything that happens in your world (business and personal life), then your perspective changes from helpless victim to creator of your world. You shift from weakness to strength; from complaining and criticizing to growing by learning from the mistakes and focusing on a solution.
This strategy is also known as ‘extreme ownership’ which forms the foundational principle of every great leader: taking 100% ownership of everything in your domain, including the outcome and everything that affects it. The term comes from the book by retired US Navy SEAL officers Jocko Willink and Leif Babin who share the vital leadership principles that have enabled SEAL leaders and teams to become one of the highest-performing military teams in the world.
As you read these 4 strategies, which I have gleaned from Willink and Babin’s work and which I teach to major corporations, consider applying them to your team at work and to your team at home (your family.) Imagine how different your team and family would respond if they were all taught responsibility and accountability – to accept and embrace ownership of their choices and outcomes; imagine how the dynamic, energy, and results would change if everyone focused on a solution.
1. 100% Ownership
Own the outcome and everything affecting it
2. Respond With Extreme Ownership
No excuses, no blame, no ego; find a solution; clarify the mission and action plan, get people’s commitment and equip/train them to perform their roles.
3. Team First, Ego Second
Accept criticisms, secure resources, win hearts and minds, build clarity and processes, etc.
4. Extreme Ownership Is Contagious
Demand Extreme Ownership of yourself & others, and the mindset will spread throughout the organization.
We have all made poor or uninformed choices and decisions at one time (or many times in our lives.)
At all times, we have a choice; we can make the 3 mistakes of internal blame (self-loathing), external blame (victimhood, excuses, blaming others) or drama and negative emotions (incessant anger, bitterness, negative energy and loss of impulse control) or, we can take extreme ownership (accept responsibility for everything in our world and focus on a solution and learn from the experience.)
If you need help to stop the practice of blame, victimhood or drama, book a one-on-one session with me.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.